Intentionly resisting crowd mentality

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I can relate to what you say. Before I got the idea that I might have AS, I told myself that to be one in a crowd, following, was stupid, like one of the sheeps. Now, I wonder if all the sensory stuff destroys the ability to enjoy a show, or whatever.
I'm a huge stones fan, and remember when attending my first concert with them, that I just stood there and did not seem to let go, like the others around me. The show was great, but I was a bit disappointed, cause I had imagined that I would automaticly adopt to the mood around me.

I avoid crowds because I just don't relate to that mentality. The last hockey game I went to I kept thinking - "Who'd want to eat a submarine sandwich that's been shot out of an air cannon??" Everyone else seemed really excited and I wasn't at all.

I think that sometimes we tend to avoid things when we consciously or subconsciously realize that we aren't responding like everyone else.

Z

I can definitely feel something too: I can definitely feel an atmosphere. I speculate that it's probably a weaker signal than what most "normal" people are used to feeling though. It helps if the music is good.

However, there's a disconnect: I desperately want to join in, but something at the back of mind screams: "No. You'll make a prat out of yourself. I can't put yourself through this."

Something feels very wrong at point. I become very self conscious and acutely aware that I'm surrounded by complete strangers. My heart starts racing: there's no escape. I'm surrounded by a mass of people all syncing up. It just feels so wrong. I just can't get my body to follow along with all the different movements. The crowd sway right and I sway to the left completely out of time: it's just hopeless and so noticeable. I sit down in embarrassment.

I suddenly just become mesmerised my the lighting colours and just stare at the patterns. As I stare at the lighting, I wonder if I couldn't have arranged and managed the refreshment stands better myself (I used to think this a lot at Pantomines when I was younger).

Then I realise that if I stare for long enough at the lights and the curtains I can imagine tiny mice trapeze artists making use of all the stage rigging. Then I notice that the stage is in fact vanished mahogany and the the ice cream that I've been eating actually contains over 50% sugar. While I'm quietly contemplating these things and wishing secretly that I could sink into the floorboards, everyone else is singing, clapping and doing the all actions together to the music quite happily completely oblivious to my meditation.

I feel so bad at some points that I wish that it was me monologuing up on the stage instead of some cross-dressing man (allegedly a pantomime Dame) who's saying some really awful bawdy sounding jokes. I sometimes think that I could (with enough practice) do a better job than the performers and imagine myself on stage.

Last edited by AmberEyes on 13 Jan 2009, 10:34 am, edited 3 times in total.

Partaking in group experirences like sporting events, concerts, church, all this is very life-affirming to me. I like fellowship. It's natural. Survival depends on good fellowship, strong tribes. Bigger tribes are not necessarily stronger than smaller ones, it's the ties between individuals in a tribe that are more important. It's the cohesiveness that counts.

Conformity and nonconformity have a yin/yang relationship to one another in that they are mutually dependant and mutually definitive. What do hardcore nonconformist types do once they've reached critical mass? They form their own group. From which others break away in further acts of nonconformity. Which in turn necessitates the wearing of black clothing and eyeliner ...

I just do my own thing and sometimes it's similar to what everyone else is doing and sometimes not.

I like to say, "I march to the drum of my own beat."

(Intentionally stated that way)

Funny story:

I went to a luncheon for several churches put on to raise money for a group of pastors to go to Africa. My buddy, who is a music minister (this is important), went with me. We were all sitting there eating and having a good time when someone got on the microphone and asked for our attention. They proceeded to state that we were going to have a time of music and for us all to stand. I looked over and told my friend, "Worship is such a formality."