14 Jan 2009, 3:43 pm
garyww wrote:
One time all of us in lower level management were required to take courses in "assertiveness training" and after a few hours of the first day of the first class I was thinking to myself that what we were being taught was basically how to be cruel and hurtful to people. Needless to say I didn't get any promotions.
I have a very hard time being assertive. I'm an asst. mgr. and I let people walk all over me. But it is very hard to establish boundaries. When I've tried to lay down some rules there's been times when people retaliated against me and it was such a hard thing for me to get through that I usually just try to avoid it altogether, but that's where I am not assertive enough. Frankly I feel like a complete wimp sometimes but I'm just not a confrontational person. I want to get along with everyone as well as just have a smooth even flow...
Now as far as forgiving myself for past mistakes I've made, I wish I had an answer. I still beat myself up all the time for things I did in the past. I have a very hard time letting go, and I know that sometimes it causes me to be a bitter person. I really am trying to work on it, even in one of those self-help books they tell you to write things down that are bothering you, then try to come up with various ways to deal with it. I guess by getting it all out it supposed to help you feel better, and sometimes it does, but it only helps so much.... obviously or I wouldn't be writing this
AmberEyes
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Joined: 26 Sep 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,438
Location: The Lands where the Jumblies live
14 Jan 2009, 4:03 pm
benjimanbreeg wrote:
Sounds like stuff I have done many times in the past. It says on your profile, your not sure if you have aspergers, are you gonna try and get diagnosed? Sounds to me like you're being targeted. And the stuff your doing "wrong" is just minor, easily made mistakes. You should have put in a complaint about that dinner lady. Or just told her not to talk to you like that. By what I can tell, you're probably too nice, and people pick up on that and will see you as an easy target. I've had it, and i'm not gonna be overly nice to people out of routine anymore. I'm putting a guard up. I'm sorry about the things you've had to go through, and in the situations you've mentioned, I think the other people have been way out of line. Its like me, there are certain times when I need someone to explain clearly what i'm meant to do, otherwise I have so much trouble. I need to be reassured. And once I know what i'm doing is right, i'm fine. I only got diagnosed at the end of 2007, so before that at school and stuff, I always getting into trouble. Things could have been so different. But in a way, i'm glad they weren't. I feel like i've been through a bad patch, I was rock bottom, but now i'm stronger than ever. All you can do is be yourself, if people try and tell you off for doing that, don't be too sorry about it
Thanks
I'm sorry to hear that you went through things like that also.
Don't worry, I've already complained/talked to these people.
I will ask for clarification about things in the future and try to pay more attention.
I have written something in the Members Only Section regarding my dx and I don't wish to make it public here for privacy reasons. Let's just say it's a long story and I'm now thoroughly confused as to what's really going on. I was assessed a long time ago.
Whatever happens, I don't want to be labeled "disordered". I'm not "disordered" at all: lots of people have really appreciated what I've done for them over they years. Many have said that I've been nice and helpful. Some have even thanked me.
If I have anything at all, I believe it's a personality or genetic "condition".
The word "disordered" reminds me of the phrase "drunk and disorderly behaviour". I do not take part in riots or rob other people's property: I'm mild mannered and I do my best not to upset people. This is why "Not sure if I have it or not" is on my profile. I don't wish to be labeled as defective or "disordered".
Taking all my and my family's personality traits and twisting them into a negative list of "can't dos" I feel is counterproductive. I do not wish to be seen as a list of negative self-disparaging criteria to be stigmatised, but as a person.
I am a human being and I do try my very best to care.
If I'm on any Spectrum at all, it's part of a broader Human Spectrum.
I will be myself whatever happens, even if others do deem it "too nice" or "too abnoxious".
14 Jan 2009, 4:15 pm
Quote:
Thanks
I'm sorry to hear that you went through things like that also.
Don't worry, I've already complained/talked to these people.
I will ask for clarification about things in the future and try to pay more attention.
I have written something in the Members Only Section regarding my dx and I don't wish to make it public here for privacy reasons. Let's just say it's a long story and I'm now thoroughly confused as to what's really going on. I was assessed a long time ago.
Whatever happens, I don't want to be labeled "disordered". I'm not "disordered" at all: lots of people have really appreciated what I've done for them over they years. Many have said that I've been nice and helpful. Some have even thanked me.
If I have anything at all, I believe it's a personality or genetic "condition".
The word "disordered" reminds me of the phrase "drunk and disorderly behaviour". I do not take part in riots or rob other people's property: I'm mild mannered and I do my best not to upset people. This is why "Not sure if I have it or not" is on my profile. I don't wish to be labeled as defective or "disordered".
Taking all my and my family's personality traits and twisting them into a negative list of "can't dos" I feel is counterproductive. I do not wish to be seen as a list of negative self-disparaging criteria to be stigmatised, but as a person.
I am a human being and I do try my very best to care.
If I'm on any Spectrum at all, it's part of a broader Human Spectrum.
I will be myself whatever happens, even if others do deem it "too nice" or "too abnoxious".
Thats ok. Thank you too. I'm glad you confronted those people. And yes, we learn from our past experiences, good or bad.
I can understand that. Well if you ever wanna talk to someone about it, just pm me.
It was kind of a relief for me to be labelled lol. And thats good when people do appreciate kindness. I just know a lot of people take advantage. I enjoy helping people and I do a job now which allows me to do that. All I know is, people won't walk all over me again
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