I definitely think not reacting in "socially appropriate" ways to successes and failures is a big part of this. In my experience people find it upsetting that you don't seem as excited or disappointed as they think you should be. Maybe it's taken as a sign of arrogance? I mean, you don't seem to be happy about being successful, so they assume you think you're so great that of course you would succeed. Conversely, if you fail but don't visibly react they assume that you are in denial and don't recognize what a failure you are. I think success without reacting in the "proper" way leads to jealousy and anger (you don't even appreciate what you have! you don't deserve it!), while failure with the same reaction leads mostly to spite (it's not right, you should be upset by failing! you ought to feel it, so i'm going to MAKE you feel it!).
The only way around this I've found is tied into how people are pretty much all fundamentally most interested in themselves. Many can be distracted by turning the conversation to them and the reasons why they might be considered successful by society. It feels strange and somewhat insincere, but it's preferable to being scrutinized and attacked by someone whose opinion you aren't even really interested in.
16 Jan 2009, 8:34 pm
