HAVING AN AUTISTIC CHILD WRECKS YOUR LIFE!! by Carol Sarler

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just like "having a child may wreck your life" which is also true for some people :p

exactly...

They state that statisically parents of autistic children have a much higher rate of depression than those that don't have children with ASD. So when I hear a story of a mom over-coming such difficulties by her own will and/or perserverance - I feel inspired.

I was a fairly mischievous child, and did a lot of things I don't agree with, but I settled down at around grade 6. I have AS, and my parents have never thought of me as a curse, I know this because I heard everything that went on in the house. My parents got divorced because my mom was an idiot, and then my dad married a woman who has probably helped me grow as a person more than anyone else could have. My step mom is probably, although not my favourite person, the most important person in my life. My favourite person would be my father, who has always been there for me whenever I needed anything. He is one of those few parents that would willingly sacrifice themselves if it ment the well being of their kids, and has sacrificed a lot for me and my 4 siblings. I also have a brother who is not on the spectrum but has so much wrong with him that he makes a very low functioning autistic look like easy work.

This is how I feel.

My children are my special interest, all 3 of them. Have been since they were born. Yes, it is difficult at times, but the rewards are greater then any that I've ever had in my life. For the record, it's my NT daughter that often throws me for a loop. She's the one that I don't often understand, and that I have to leave the room to go take a deep breath from.

Not long ago my sons' case worker (the person that helps to get them government services like diapers, and such) said that she is amazed every time she sees me. She says that most parents of ASD kids are so high strung that she worries that they'll stick their head in the oven when she leaves, yet I'm always so relaxed, content even. The doctor that diagnosed them said as much, too. I had no preconceptions when having children. They were their own being destined to be what they'll be. I never thought, "oh no! I'll never dance with my son at his wedding!" That thought seems so unrealistic to me. Yet, I have heard other ASD parents say many things like that. I don't go to parent support groups for that reason. I feel personally insulted by a lot of the things they speak of, because much of it applies to me, or did when I was a child.

Also, when I hear people speak of their kid being violent I have to wonder if they're just frustrated, and trying to be understood. A lot of times, I also feel that the child is just simply responding to the environment where the parents, and educators are frustrated. My kids are rarely violent. They're pretty happy kids. I see it as my responsibility to make sure the school is treating them well. I don't see every behavior as something that is their fault, and needs to be corrected. At the beginning, when my youngest child entered preschool, they were heavy on the behavior modification. I gently told them that that's not how I wish for him to be treated. No forced eye contact, no forcing to sit, and endure sensory torture, ect... They tried it anyway, and he bit, and scratched them to bits. He's not verbal, so how else is he to tell them they're hurting him? They don't do any of that anymore, and he is making amazing progress, and doing well.

That statement from the article is an amazing display of ignorance. Yes, autistic children are not all the same. She's right on that. Still, given that kind of behavior is quite common in autistic children, and yet, I've never ever heard of autistic adults being like that, seems to me it takes an incredible lack of knowledge of how people with autism change over their lives (or, how autism looks at different ages) to say something like that.

As for the title of the article, nothing can ruin your life unless you let it. Change profoundly, yes. Ruin, no. Nelson Mandela comes to mind. He didn't let 27 years in prison ruin his life.

I haven't been here in a while... but when I read this I thought of when I watched part of "Autism times 6" I was all like "whoever is writing this is a wimp"

I think the family on that show is doing really well BTW but I only watched part of it.

I think this should be seen as someone expressing their feelings there.

Not to be taken as a basis for an argumentation or discussion of morales, because it's an emotional rant.

But one thing that the article highlights for certain is a universal problem that most autistic people and parents or other family members of autistic people are confronted with in most (Western?) countries:

the lack of support from government and society.

I posted about the whole "autistic at seven, same way at 17" misconception--people forget that autistics learn just like anybody else. I mean, many people would have written me off as hopeless at seven, too. Verbal, yeah; but constant tantrums, extreme sensitivity, no ability to socialize with other kids and limited ability with adults... I grew up. I'm twenty five and I'm in college and I'll graduate if I manage to study hard enough. That's the way things go. We change as we age, just like the NTs do.

if the behavior are meaning is to the 'destructive and violent' bit she wrote,it is very common for adult autistics to be destructive and violent-,as every adult autie and severe aspie am have ever lived with are 'destructive and violent' but that comes with living in residential homes, most users on WP are not in residential services and dont get to see the level of behavior in adult autists people like this lady is meaning of,challenging behavior is usually standard with autism the further down the spectrum that go including with severe as or pddnos.
But also,a lot of 'destructive and violent' autists do the damage to themselves or other objects-not to others,though some do it to living things,some are not able to discriminate and some may harm someone accidentally.

anyway,
am think there is a big problem when people see challenging autistics as something that wrecks parents lives,a burden,
a waste,something would get rid of if could etc. it happens,it cant be helped,it should never be blamed on the autist for having autism,they should think about giving them to someone who has the experience to deal with autism and not leave that child in a unwanted,hated and regretted environment.
Autism doesnt wreck a parents life-parents not having the support [physically,mentally],understanding and respite does.

It happens.

Violence and crazed behaviour can occur at any age and in any type and in any severity of autism.

But especially the severity or frequency of meltdowns is something you totally cannot predict. So if you got a very meltdown-y kid, there's no definite evidence that this child will grow into an explosive violent adult. It also can be that a non-violent autistic child will have very violent meltdowns later in life.

You just cannot know.

I'm starting to think that residential care often hurts more than it helps, the way it's done now. Not being listened to would make anyone violent, and the way people wouldn't listen to me when I was merely in a mental ward of a general hospital, I can't imagine how much less they'd listen if I were considered "severely disabled" and in need of constant supervision. It seems like so much of the focus in that situation is behavior modification, and listening to what the person has got to say just falls by the wayside. "He can't talk, so he can't communicate"--NOT true!

This Carol Sarler biatch will shortly be receiving a very pissed-off letter from yours truly...

Goddamn Daily Mail. More like Daily Fail. They'll print any bullcrap.

Having a child at all could be said to "wreck", or significantly change, your life. You can't blame autism.

Yeah, someone should write an article or book called, Having a Child Could Wreck Your Life.

It would go over the stories of parents of "ordinary" children who "wreck" their parents' lives through common problems such as:

-Developing an addiction during adolescence and stealing their parents' money and belongings to support their habit

-Verbally abusing their parents on a regular basis (at any age)

-Having parties when the parents are out of town, leaving the house in shambles

-Driving the parents' car without permission, while intoxicated, wrecking it, and then refusing to take responsibility

-Staying up all night listening to loud music when the parents are trying to sleep, refusing to turn it down when asked

-Throwing tantrums (NT children do this too)

-Refusing to eat anything but junk food and developing serious, costly health problems as a result

-Getting sick and needing to be taken to the doctor when the parent has another important commitment lined up

Just a few examples. No child is easy to raise - they all have some behavior issues. Adults have problems of their own too. The interaction between the child's problems and the adults problems can make parenting challenging, no matter what.

People should consider the realities of raising children before they choose to have them.

Perhaps they should read the original paper Hans Asperger published in the 1940s in which he gave some advice how to raise a child with autism. Hans Asperger explained how in his work with children on the spectrum he discovered that the way of communicating with the child had to follow other pattern and how they work - for both sides,

Let's be real here, living with an autistic child is rough. We shouldn't delude ourselves into the type of work and pain rasing a "different" child can bring upon their parents.

Having said that, articles like this one fit into the mold of social "villification". Every society needs a "Villian" and in the past the baton moved from reglious minorites to racial minorites to sexual minorites and now to the disablied. Rather than tke responsablity for the internal issues that hold so many back in life, it's easier to project our fears/limitations on "Others". The Daily Mail almost always runs a story about Immigrants/Gays/Benefit recepiants/Whoever being the bane of UK society when in fact it is ourselves who are to blame for the day-to-day failings of our communites. This article is no different.


Don't kid yourselves. De-Humanization didn't go away at the Nuermburg Trials. It will exist in every form and from every one as long as we continue to form collective "societies" based on flase notions of race/religon/culture/whatever.....We are simply one in a long line of "Villians"....