Hello,
I'm pretty sure I have Aspergers. One reason is, I rocked back and forth growing up, morning, noon and night, whenever I had the chance, partially to ease anxiety and partially because I loved doing it. I did this from a baby until I got married. I eventually had to stop because I didn't want my husband to know.
Another reason I believe I have Aspergers is because when I was really little, I was obsessed with weird things. I know it sounds crazy but I remember getting a wonderful feeling, digging dirt out of little holes. Back when I was little, the bottom heels of shoes were rubber and had little holes in them shaped like a horse shoe. I would get a bobby pin and go around and dig the dirt out of all the little holes in my family's shoes. Another thing was that my family was always searching for me because I would fall asleep in all kinds of strange places, like in the closet, behind the couch, under the bed and outside, on the sidewalk. I think my parents were worried about me. They had ten kids and not much money so they pretty much tried to ignore all the strange things that I did.
One good thing about me was that I was very artistic and constantly drawing and painting. People use to say how much they admired my work.
During my teenage years I drank and tried drugs to feel good. Mostly pot. I had to quit because my anxiety attacks would flare up. When I was 17 I had a major bad trip on LSD and ended up in the hospital.
When I was 18, I got pregnant and married. During and after my pregnancies and not being able to rock, I had severe anxiety attacks. I looked into it and believed it was called agoraphobia. Most psychiatrists didn't even know what it was at that time. I had small children and felt like I was going crazy. Symptoms would be severe heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness and I felt like I was going to die. I would get them every day. I tried to hide it as much as I could. No one ever really knew what I was going through. I finally worked myself out of this but it took a long time. Even when I thought the condition might have stopped, all of a sudden I would get it again. My obsessive, negative thoughts seemed to be the culprit.
I eventually got divorced and ended up with total responsibility of raising my three kids. I did everything I could to be strong for my kids and had to stop the negative obsessive thoughts. I went to different doctors and tried anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. It was finally discovered that I had high blood pressure and I was told to see a cardiologist for tests and it was discovered that I had WPW (Wolf, Parkinson, White Syndrome). It is a congenital heart defect, symptoms include a sensation of fluttering or pounding in the chest (palpitations), shortness of breath, and fainting palpitations.
Ever since I was a baby, I rocked back and forth to ease the scary heart fluttering and palpitations. It was like swinging high on a swing and getting that unpleasant butterfly feeling that wouldn't go away. This feeling would be so scary that it would develop into anxiety attacks. I remember being a toddler, having those feelings and discovering that rocking was the only thing that made them go away.
I learned to love rocking. You could say it was an addiction. I would go into my own fantasy world. I could pick and choose who, what and where I wanted to be and play out my own dream. It was fascinating and I never wanted to quit.
I'm 60 years old now and on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, blood pressure and a few other medications and don't get symptoms anymore. I tried to rock to see if I could get back into the fantasy world but the rocking doesn't work any more.
With my experience, I definitely believe there is a connection between Aspergers and Heart Disease. People who have Aspergers should get checked out by a Cardiologist.
Hope to hear from someone....
31 Jan 2009, 3:55 pm
