Aspie performers; performing live, for crowds up to 100,000?

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People may find this odd, but I have fewer problems getting in front of people than I do having one-to-one conversations. I think it's because with large crowds, you don't have to get personal with everybody.

I do far better with silent parts, because I often end up mute and it's difficult to predict when it'll occur. Someone entered their film in a competition a few years back, where I played a silent part as a serial killer. They emailed out of the blue recently, saying I'd shown a natural talent by really grasping the character and the idea they'd wanted to portray for the film. But, like Acacia says, I am clueless outside the performance context.

Even though autistic, shyness has never been my trait. That's because from a very early age I was trained to perform on stage, classical music performance and drama. I developed a consciousness that we are all actors on the stage of life and God is watching the performance and it is all meant for entertainment, and it is up to each one of us to do a superb job. I was constantly told to be a ham, to be eccentric in the European sense to get a "personality" and more "publicity" for my music performance career, to project emotion and passion and power to the farthest reaches of huge concert halls, to move people and connect with them through the emotion in music. Same for acting in plays.

These are diametrically opposite instructions to my native inclinations but being a good student I followed the instructions and became a great musician and leader. However, I'm still autistic so I'm a weird combo of characteristics. Needless to say I quit music as soon as I possibly could -- the pressure and emphasis were utterly alien to my nature although the music itself I love.

The ability to speak in front of anything or anybody is still there. No nervousness at all. However, I have tremendous performance anxiety before going to work if it's shift work in a medical facility because I don't want to make any mistakes, and being around a lot of ppl and having to "perform" in daily life is very difficult. One of my Aspie blessings is I've never cared at all what anybody thinks of me -- all I care about is what God & Guru think of me, and what I think of me, and whether I'm doing a good job. Facts, logic, truth.

Passion and emotion are bottled up in my fingers for when I take up music again.

Indulging my true autistic nature and trance obsession with music, I've been collecting mantras / kirtan / bhajan / requiem recordings for 35 years. These are very powerful soothing bliss-inducing chants that repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat ... and I've got them on an iPod on Bose speakers so 100s of awesome carefully selected tracts repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat ....

.... so I set it to "shuffle" and it cycles through uplifting elevating ecstasy saturated with the Holy Ghost repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat and I can rock out all day, alone in my sanctuary, rocking and flapping and being utterly and completely happy.

Yay, my thread inspired you!

As for the topic itself, I'd love to do something like this (for free even!), but unfortunately, Indiana's not cool like that.

I've performed many times as a musician in front of audiences of between around 6 and 150 people. I love it, and I always have done since I first played when I was 16 years old.

I agree it's very different to "socialising" with people, though it has a huge social dimension. It has far fewer sudden changes, everything is rehearsed. Even the musicians I work with are easier to get on with than a purely social group because we have a very definite task, as well as a shared obsession. I do have a habit of closing my eyes while on stage, though occasionally when I've thought about it and had little else to worry about, I've opened them. Best when it's a dark auditorium so I can't see the individual faces staring at me.

I don't find it easy to introduce the songs. There's so much freedom in the spoken word, as opposed to set pieces of music where every syllable is pre-determined, and therein lies the problem. Somehow I can't be bothered to pre-define the introductions. I do semi-rehearse them but usually end up trying to ad-lib on the night, which doesn't always work very well - it's passable, but I get mental blank-outs and I "um" and "er" way too much. I even get tempted to talk past the point, but haven't succumbed yet.

What's great is that I don't have to listen to anybody or respond immediately and appropriately to the ever-changing meaning of their words Except for applause and cries of "Yay!" which just spur me on to greater and greater ambitions. It's very scary when an audience ignores me, but there are some venues (e.g. cafes) where people don't want to focus on the act like they would in a proper theatre. Once I realised that they were still enjoying my music, I felt a lot better.

It took a lot of work to get proficient enough to dare to perform, and my golden rule is never to play anything that doesn't sound good (to my ears) at rehearsal.

Last time I felt close to being unable to continue was when a venue was switched at the last minute - the new venue was a better place, but it was a challenge to carry on without it phasing me.

It's just so much fun that I think everybody should do it.

I used to play flute (and occasionaly sing) in church choirs as a kid/teen. This was something I did on my own initiative, and I even got talked into leading a youth choir for a year (was not a success). I also did a performance in a fund raising benefit in a serious auditorium, as well as all the band performances when in the high school band (front row). I guess I really enjoy performing, even though I feel like I'm throwing myself off a cliff every time I do it. It's a structured activity, it's not like I'm an M.C or anything, so it's manageable.

Lately I've been taking voice lessons and have put my name in to do readings in a script reading series in town. No readings yet, but I got a free pass to an advance screening of a new film as a door prize the first day I put my name in. It's a sign!

I've been doing a lot of open mics lately with a band, and I'm fine playing bass or guitar, but I've always had problems singing in front of people, even if everyone else is singing, even if only one person is listening to me.

I get a little nervous giving speeches or acting, but once I get into it, I'm fine...I'm just really terrible at eye contact. I end up finding a clock to stare at, or the paper I'm reading from, or something like that.