"You can choose your friends, but not your family"

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Eggman
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15 Feb 2009, 11:34 pm

you can choose who you marry, with genetics screening you can choose your children


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gina-ghettoprincess
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16 Feb 2009, 7:46 am

My mum took my house key to give to her boyfriend (now her ex, but does she take the key back? Does she hell). What does THAT tell you? I LIVE here, for Gods sakes, what did HE ever do to deserve my key?

I have a younger brother, but she still automatically blames me for anything that goes missing around the house.

Also, my brother has developed an allegedly "cute" habit of saying "je manger a la cuisine" (the only sentence he apparently listened to in French class) at random moments, and Mum's like, "Oh, he's so good at French, my son's so clever!" but when I speak Italian (and not just the same easy sentence over and over), she just acts annoyed (possibily because she can't criticise every word I say if she can't understand it).

The worst incident was when my brother tried to stab me with a piece of metal and hit me with a chair, and my mum did NOTHING, and whenever I bring it up it's always, "Get over it, that's ancient history!" Even the social workers are like, "All siblings fight!" WTF? You can bet that if I'd done the same to HIM, all hell would break loose. And aren't social workers supposed to HELP?

Apparently crap like this isn't what normally happens in families, because my ex-best friend was so close to her family it was actually annoying (her sister sat with us at lunch, and my friend wouldn't even minimize her emails when her mum came in, resulting in her entire family knowing MY secrets). Maybe I was being selfish being pissed off about that, but I can't help it.

My family is so screwed up, it's hard to believe that all families aren't the same, in a way.


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BellaDonna
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16 Feb 2009, 7:49 am

I come from an extremely dysfunctional family. That is one of the reason I get a disability payment. That was taken into account.



Dussel
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16 Feb 2009, 9:40 am

Family is something you have either luck or not, but being born into one does not cause any obligations. If you do not like the members of your family, make a cut. But you shall be also aware that after a cut you hardly can claim any support from your family.

So: You are strong enough to stand for your own? If yes, cut the ties, if not you need to make an arrangement. But either way you had have to live with this and do not blame anyone else.

For myself I made the decision and have since more than 15 years no contact with anyone in family.



BellaDonna
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16 Feb 2009, 10:01 am

You can find your own family or people that care for you.



Dragonfly_Dreams
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16 Feb 2009, 12:54 pm

You don't have to keep contact with your family or allow them in your life if they bring you nothing but unhappiness and pain. I disconnected from mine over 7 years ago and I haven't looked back since. It was truly freeing and I can't believe I didn't do it sooner!

Toxicity in your family doesn't have to ruin your life.



Silvervarg
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16 Feb 2009, 2:32 pm

Strange, I read it completly different, to me it's more like that you should not blame someone becouse of what their family did, and that you simply has to accept that no matter what they do they are still family and the major part of what made you, you.

Something like that.


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