Adults with guardians

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I have got myself into a LOT of trouble over this on the predominantly parent lists over the years...

Every so often a parent will post that their Aspie is almost 18, and asking for advice on how to obtain power of attorney...and I try to point out that there is a world of difference between Asperger Syndrome and eternal childhood, and that their need to strive to prevent their Aspie from becoming an adult is a form of co-dependency they really need to seek counselling for...

...and then there is a flame war, during which half of me wants to round 'em up and nuke 'em, the other half cannot even take them seriously...

...it get's REALLY bad if I venture to suggest that their Aspie may also, one day, have relationships that involve you-know-what, just like any other adult ...you would think I had suggested something, really, REALLY revolting...

...fact is, this is a fairly common phenomenon in the parents of a child with any suggestion of a disability, a kind of compensatory addiction to the sense of "being needed" by a vulnerable child, and that addiction doesn't want to let go.

Unfortunately, the more AS is recognised and acknowledged, the greater this problem will become. It is one of the things we HAVE to figure out how to unite and fight, if we, as a minority, are going to have a chance at fulfilling lives...

...and if you can figure out how these co-dependent parents manage to rationalise how come an elder Aspie, like me, managed to not only survive, without even even normal family support, but to do so through some situations that would be too tough for most people...while having uninterrupted ownership of a car since 1986...

Please let me know?

M.

This is just plain scary, sad and most of all, angering and outrageous. I know a WP member who is 36 or 37 and told me his parents have full guardianship over him. I asked him why. He said he wanted me to ask his mother why. He said part of it is "him being vulnerable and getting ripped off often". Is that sufficient excuse to put a person under someone else's thumb and make them vulnerable THAt way?


So, do any of you have guardians or know someone that does? What's it like? How much control do they have over you? Can they tell you what to eat and wear and when to go to bed? Do they have a letter giving them permission to access your bank account?


I'm not liking what I hear about this, about people at the Judge aRotenberg Center, adults, who are still under their parents' guardianship and have to do as they say or get shocked into submission literally, or sent back to that horrible place.


Also, have any of you ever feared losing custody of yourselves?

No, he doesn't. Once in a while a fool gets lucky. Most of the time they don't. (Call me compulsive. I just had to comment.)

There is no long, legal process. Your parents get a lawyer to draw up an agreement, and then you sign it.

If you give power of attorney to anybody (usually for financial, medical, or educational purposes), you can cancel it at any time IF the power of attorney isn't written in a way that keeps you from changing it. You need to read it, when you sign it, and figure out if there is a clause that keeps you from canceling it if you are "mentally incompetent". If there is, don't sign it. If you can't figure it out, say, "I can't sign this because I don't understand what it says." Get them to explain every sentence to you.

You can sign a disclosure agreement that lets your parents see your medical, educational, or financial records without giving them complete control. This, in my opinion, is infinitely preferable, even for people who are "immature" or "gullible". Letting your parents into your affairs makes a lot of sense if you're not good at handling them yourself. Letting them have carte blanche to do as they want in those areas where the power of attorney lets them--not so good. If you can understand a power of attorney form, you should be capable of understanding legal matters well enough not to need to sign it. Sign disclosure agreements instead. These let your parents see your records, but not control your transactions.

I have got myself into a LOT of trouble over this on the predominantly parent lists over the years...

Every so often a parent will post that their Aspie is almost 18, and asking for advice on how to obtain power of attorney...and I try to point out that there is a world of difference between Asperger Syndrome and eternal childhood, and that their need to strive to prevent their Aspie from becoming an adult is a form of co-dependency they really need to seek counselling for...

...and then there is a flame war, during which half of me wants to round 'em up and nuke 'em, the other half cannot even take them seriously...

...it get's REALLY bad if I venture to suggest that their Aspie may also, one day, have relationships that involve you-know-what, just like any other adult ...you would think I had suggested something, really, REALLY revolting...

...fact is, this is a fairly common phenomenon in the parents of a child with any suggestion of a disability, a kind of compensatory addiction to the sense of "being needed" by a vulnerable child, and that addiction doesn't want to let go.

Unfortunately, the more AS is recognised and acknowledged, the greater this problem will become. It is one of the things we HAVE to figure out how to unite and fight, if we, as a minority, are going to have a chance at fulfilling lives...

...and if you can figure out how these co-dependent parents manage to rationalise how come an elder Aspie, like me, managed to not only survive, without even even normal family support, but to do so through some situations that would be too tough for most people...while having uninterrupted ownership of a car since 1986...

Please let me know?

M.