Truly unable to connect

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I love to conga, especially when it's a long line and most of all when we all have to waggle our rears in unison and show teeth at the same time. Nothing like physical closeness to all the guests at a wedding, their hands on my hips or shoulders, aaaah...! Especially when I don't know any of them. The loud music, the furious lights, the kids passing through and entangling in my feet, the frolicky push-and-shove... But the best of all is having to clutch to some sweaty guy's waist and follow him wherever the head of the line will take us...

NOT

Yes, I meant the literal sort. As for the other, I didn't notice whether anyone was drug addled.

I agree with this the vast majority of the time. There have been very rare occasions when suddently it has seemed like real fun and I have felt a sense of connection (usually having drunk a reasonable amount beforehand, plus being in the right mood to start with), and this feeling has made me elated and I spend days afterwards wishing I could experience it again. Happens less frequently now I am older (or maybe due to drinking rarely now in public). I do wonder if this is what NTs experience all the time. In which case no wonder they like going to clubs and dancing.

I avoid large groups of people, but not for lack of trying to fit in. I just never got the hang of it.

it's like that everyday at my work. when the rest of the people are taking a break and sit around with coffees in the common room I stay at my computer (I have the excuse that I start late, just an hour before their "break" so I should be doing my "very important things" :p). I don't know how to join in, nor do I want to.

they know that I'm not actually shy, I'm just "not collective" (their words).

Marvelous phrase!

Doing something like a conga line is so un-me that I would feel embarrassed for myself doing it. I wouldn't care if every other person in the world joined a gigantic line I would still cringe at the thought of me participating.

The only reason I am half able to enjoy such things is because it lets me move, never mind anyone else there.

That's very interesting. I know exactly what you're talking about. I was recently talking to my family about this and I called it the "warm fuzzies".

I always noticed an aura of this when I went to church with my mother. After the service everyone is smiling and greeting each other and there's just this atmosphere of oneness. I don't understand how a lot of the people are able to portray that sense of warmth and happiness within the group even when I know many of them are not necessarily at a happy point in their lives. I absolutely relate to what you say about needing to be in the right mood to start with to get anything out of this kind of interaction. Recently I realized that there's some people who are able to put on a smile and socialize no matter what kind of mood they were in previously and I envy these people deeply.

If I'm at all troubled or lonely I can forget about trying to connect in this way. It feels like there's a glass wall encasing me. I'm too preoccupied with my own thoughts to even attempt to focus on the group. Also, the atmosphere feels too unnatural / superficial / contrived to satiate whatever hunger exists within me and my sense of loneliness and alienation just grows bigger. When I get depressed and I desperately need to talk to someone one-on-one in depth in order to dig my way out of my hole. I can't immediately paint on a smile and jump into a group social activity when I'm not in the mood. I have no idea how NT's do it.

The OP's experience sounds a lot like many of mine through out my life.

Whenever I've gone to social events, I kept out of group activities, and usually kept to myself. It feels too confusing and overwhelming in a lot of ways when it comes to group activities. I NEVER helped in group projects as a kid in school. I flat out told my teachers, "I don't like group projects." And I wouldn't do that work. Sure, I wouldn't get a grade, but I didn't have to involve myself at least. I eventually started doing that in P.E. at well, because it just got harder to participate in the games.

In short: I would be the guy by himself at a party (assuming I actually went to one).

That's it... But are they faking for some stupid unwritten society rule or can they really forget - at least for one time - problems such easily ?! Thought about this since long but have still not found any answer...

As a child I already over-thought, became so anxious, couldn't disconnect... However I don't really see what kind of serious problems can a 8 or 10 years old boy have to think about !

I have never felt more alone in my life than when I'm in the middle of a crowded social event.

The only one that I can ever remember enjoying was my wedding reception. I usually will find a task to do, cleaning up, or organizing something. Anything to give me a purpose, so that I'm not just sitting there looking like a part-pooper.

Have a glass of wine and join in. Don't think so much about it for goodness sakes.
Some people love to dance. Others are more quiet and reserved.

My nine-year old son, dx'd on the spectrum, he sees a dance floor and goes to it. He has a thing for dance floors. He dances alone though. It's hysterical. He'll dance for hours by himself at a wedding; the aspie dancer. He's even tried to construct a dance floor in our house. og erugif. The intensity he possesses is channeled into dancing.

: )

^ I used to do that as a child .

Tonight I'm due to film an older relative's birthday party for them. I haven't been to such an event in years, so it'll be interesting to observe people. It's the role my father always had: observer/recorder. It's likely I won't last long there, but I've checked out the venue for places to escape to for a break. I don't mind if no one speaks to me; just hoping no one tries to kiss me like last time .

I do not like large social gatherings.

My idea of a good social gathering is an interesting conversation with people I like (a few, not 200).

When I was a teenager my father and I used to go to his old college's football games. I enjoyed watching football at that time, although I was never one to get overly emotional about it. Whenever there was a close game and our team would make a good play, the entire crowd on our side of the field would jump up and yell and scream. This included my father. Whenever they would do this I would just sit in my seat and wonder why they all did that. I was happy that our team had made a good play, but not happy enough to jump up and yell. Clapping my hands was sufficient for me. What I was missing, of course, was the emotional connection all of them had with each other. The excitement of the moment was infectious for them. They sensed the excitement from the others around them and it made them excited too. But because I was oblivious to their emotions, their behavior was a mystery to me and I didn't participate. Ooops.