What to do???

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Sometimes I think we can create our own problems. I know that if I worry enough about a situation, I can pretty much always find problems once I get there. Positive thinking!

Work out your strategies before hand. What will you do if someone bumps into you and spills your drink? See it happen in your mind now, prepare for it, know how you'll deal with it.

I don't mean to sound rude, but you'll learn a hell of a lot more about yourself and the world around you from spending a night doing something you've never experienced before than you will if you spend that night posting on forums and masturbating. Just saying.

I think what warface means is that doing and failing is always better than never doing at all.

Yeah what Irvy said.

But also, you know there's millions upon millions of kids who would give anything to have their dads around to celebrate their birthdays with them??? And you don't want to go because you think will set you back in your studies and result in some minor humiliation??? That's both extremely selfish and extremely cowardly. IMO.

Besides, humility is good for the soul.

It's far too easy to stay safe and sound in your own little comfort zone and never leave it. God knows I do it far too often. But there's little point in complaining about "oh, I can't do that because I'm autistic" or "I can't go there, I'm autistic". That's disability right there, not bothering to get off your ass and challenge your own boundaries and get out of your comfort zone. Every time you leave your comfort zone, it gets a little bit bigger. Stay inside, it just gets smaller.

Tell them you had your heart set on a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. Do they have access to your exam schedule ? nothing to stop you from claiming you have an exam the next morning

If I were absolutely absolutely absolutely forced, after extensive discussions, to go to a bar, I'm a bit ashamed to say that I would probably go and be entirely prepared to have a meltdown in front of everyone.

Alcohol makes my heart pound, makes me very stressed and is a very unpleasant experience for me. (And that's before the AS issues.) I personally would not go to the effort of trying to suppress my panic when they had ignored my clear protests to begin with.

I guess that's a little different from your situation since you don't mind the alcohol. The main point is that they are not listening to your clear requests. I don't have much respect for that kind of tradition I guess, maybe I'm "oldfashioned" that way.

I've had similar "insistences" that I "must" go to a place or do a thing, and it's usually meant well with good intentions, and the people trying to get you along genuinely think it'll be fine and that you just have to "shake yourself out of it" and you'll enjoy it.

If you do go, try to go with a mind to prove them right. As ZEGH8578 said, think of it as a one time event. Our lives are full of events, occasions that scare the sh... out of us, weddings and funerals and all inbetween. We can't hide from those things, because celebrating events and passages are part of the human experience.

I've worked in care with people with autism, and I can tell you that there's a lot of problems with how NTs see and understand autism. They approach treatment with a mind to "normalise", which is a fancy way of saying they think that by making us like them we'll feel better. We know that's nonsense, but there is a better way.

We have our own normal, personal and individual to ourselves. We can learn anything if we set our minds to it.

I find it very helpful to run through a stressful event beforehand. Rather than sitting and worry about what might go wrong, I prepare for every eventuality, and what I'll do in response. Make the unpredictable predictable. Don't let things get to panic level. If you need to step outside for a minute and clear your head, then do it.

Anchors are important too, constants in a sea of variables. Get your dad to agree on a sign between you beforehand, a time-out. If you give him the sign, he knows that it's all getting a bit too much for you, and he'll know to take you somewhere quiet and let you regroup. Then you go back in, with your dad. If he says not to be silly and doesn't listen, say to him that you want to be able to go with him, and that if he pays attention to you and heeds your signal, it may help you to learn coping mechanisms that will help you through the rest of your life. They've helped me.

I do not wish to be critical, but in my view, something is very wrong with the empathy function (either receptive/cognitive or sympathetic) of Padium's father.

Try sneaking over to within the bar person's hearing and "let slip" to another customer the implication that is really cool to be using your nearly identical older cousin's id to get into a bar. That should end your night fairly quickly.

I intend to go, I just am not sure how I will react to the alcohol... I have certain fears with it that are amplified by the idea of being in a primarily social setting. I would have no problem with it if it were not in such a setting, get me plastered at home and I would be fine with it. Take me to a social setting without the drinking, and don't expect me to be social... He doesn't understand that I really don't like the social expectations put on me when I so fail at it. My big social events involve going to events that socializing is secondary.

There is more, but I am not getting into that. It is just his idea of what ALL males should go through at that time... I am not like all males, I am more like the autie next door than his father.

Wow---whether they know it or not, it's abusive to force you to do this. I am surprised by the people who think you should "man up" and do it just this once for your dad. I think your dad is a wrong-headed. Drinking to get drunk is stupid; not a rite of passage. And you should not be forced to do anything you don't want to do. If it were me, I'd be firm and stick to my guns. I would refuse to go. If they drag me away, I would refuse to participate. A real rite of passage is standing up for what you believe and defending yourself against others who would do you wrong.

And the best way to look like a mad disabled person with no control is to be screaming on the floor needing dragged out. I don't know what planet you live on ngonz, but i live in the real world, where every day I have to do plenty of things I'd really rather not do, but I have to. We don't live in a society were we always get our own way and do exactly what we want. The only place I've seen that happen is in a care setting, where nothing is expected of anybody and if you don't want to do a thing you throw yourself to the ground screaming until they stop asking you.

These are life skills, mechanisms of coping in a world that doesn't make sense.