Does adulthood suck for aspies?

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i'd say having the dx/rx could make a world of difference, but it's a bit perilous to assume good or bad outcomes for your future at 18,

i.e. my earliest "can't believe i'm 18" memory was while i was still 17, going on a university bar crawl.

looking back, felt i had to do it in order to fit in, also having a bit of a crush on a girl i met that day helped, but i kept thinking the whole time, just one more step, (into the abyss). with hindsight, university turned out to be, unremarkable in many ways, far less than the lofty icon of adult life i had imagined, the overhyped, stereotypical, american college 'coming of age', did not happen after i joined. actually, nothing happened.

i drove a lot, i drank a fair bit of coffee, then i gave up caffiene for a year, until i went into a mcdonalds for lunch and realised halfway through the meal that it wasn't lemonade, then gave up. i stayed up late on IRC and watched xfiles tapes while studying, etc. i just tried out new things. a lot. hung out in new-age bookshops, met someone who hadn't seen star wars. worked in a call centre, then moved into an internet help desk, worked there for a while, though i was never good at the things they wanted me to be good at, i.e. dumping a caller politely if i couldnt fix a problem in 4 minutes, etc. (i still have phone anxiety, but i find ways around it.)

perhaps i tried a bit more than necessary, or perhaps too hard to 'fit' to have that goal of fitting in. i don't quite think i had any idea of what i was supposed to be doing, it turns out. (still don't, really),

personally, if you know you're going to have a refuge to fall back on, adulthood isn't that scary.

ok, yes, i lie, it is that bad, but if you're lucky, you can find people who won't get sick of you, and things you end up enjoying that help you make a living, you might end up becoming someone you like. or at least, understand, and not hate as much.

Oh, God, childhood and teen years were a nightmare that didn't seem to ever end. I didn't fit in anywhere in my family or in school, my social skills sucked, and even though I was an honors student, I couldn't find the nerve to date or engage in activities most of my peers enjoyed. I think I lived my whole teen life in books, in fantasies and under the harsh glare of technical lighting as I immersed myself in architectural drafting and drawing and writing. I still do self-therapy by charcoal sketch...It's easier to draw my mood than it is to express it sometimes.

Adulthood is definitely better, especially as I learned to cope with things and not worry so much about why I didn't "fit in". I found a job which is compatible with my strengths (cyanid taxonomist, specializing in mosquitoes) and a husband who understands more and more each day the challenges I face just by waking up and realizing it's me in the mirror once again.

Adulthood really is better, but I think that's because you're in charge of so many day-to-day variables. And as you learn more about yourself and find, either by accident or by design, ways to compensate or learn skills in which you are deficient, you become better at negotiating your way around life. I can fake "social conversation" only because I took three psych courses and integrated the knowledge I gleaned from there on how to interact with people and "read" them to an extent. Working with government officials is a necessary evil in my job, and as a woman, I have to look pretty and act like I'm socially capable when in all actuality, I want to find a cave to hide in. It's a small price to pay for having a job which makes me capable of self-support.

Don't face adulthood with fear...Embrace the possibilities. Explore while you can, and learn the life skills you need to be out there on your own while you're still with your parents. I promise you, even though it feels like you're on a precipice and you're about to step into thin air where you can't see the bottom, and even though occasionally it's rough, it's nowhere near as bad as you fear.

I'd say it depends on what their strengths are. If they are very good at jobs with high pay, they will succeed. If they aren't good at any high paying jobs, they probably won't. I'd say it all comes down to the skills they posses.

My life as an adult has been very very hard, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But, saying that, I'm still better off now than I was as a kid because I can protect myself from abuse better, I have better coping skills and have more control over how I think of myself. I have the chance to make something of myself. As long as I was living at home I was just chattel.

I think the big issue is support. If you can't work and the government won't give you enough to live on and your parents won't help, and you end up homeless and on the street, well good luck because your chances aren't great. But if your family is there as backup then that should make a huge difference. If you have them as backup you have all sorts of opportunities to stretch your wings, and you'll probably love at least some of it.

It still sucks balls.

i think Greentea makes a very good point here.

I agree.

Btw, I don't mean to cause any offense to anyone but it's worth mentioning that this thread is subject to a high degree of selection bias - successful Aspies past their mid 20s are a lot less likely to be posting on an Aspergers-oriented internet forum.

In my case, I found the transition from teenager-to-adult very difficult. I think my childhood and my early 20s were the hardest times for me- (well- being a teenager isn´t exactly easy either). In other words, I think transitions can be difficult for us because we have to learn to navigate ourselves through a whole new world. (Whereas these things may come more naturally or intuitively for other people). In my 20s, I felt as if I was thrown out into a world that I was barely prepared for. I don´t mean to discourage you, because the good news is in my case it got better as time went on, and I learned how to cope with the adult world. I think it´s just like learning how to cope with school, then with being a teenager, then with dating, etc. These are all just bridges we come to, which we have to learn how to overcome. It can be a challenge...it was for me...but it ultimately got better, and I can say that as I get older, life seems to get better. So, no, adulthood doesn´t suck...but it takes practice, like anything else.

One particularly positive thing about adulthood is that knowledge is power. I find that the older I get, and the more knowledge I acquire about myself and the world, the easier life becomes. And, I also agree with what others have mentioned already: as an adult, you have more power to control and direct your life, as you are not so reliant on other people. This is a big plus.

So do, some don't. I am an Old Aspie. I have learned to adapt to the NT world pretty well. Most NTs do not know I am an Aspie because I have learned to simulate normal NT behavior externally. Every so often my literal mindedness gives me away.

ruveyn

i'm pretty sure that if there was a benefit to being forward about it, i.e. aspie pride by any other name, you'd still have trouble bringing people around here to discuss it.

by corollary, posting the original question here, denotes a certain acceptance of there being a community, even if they share none of the entire cavalcade or grab bag of neuroses and "dysfunction", there's a measure of individual success in 'getting out'.

the best conclusion is that by being self-conscious, and aware of self, you can at least identify things you do or don't do to be 'NT'. whatever that entails. (or that, by some fashion of reasoning) by sticking out, you actually fit in somewhere.

but, recognition first.

perhaps conditionally, it depends on diagnosis, or even recognition of AS. to my limited understanding, it's not *like* autism, its not *like* anything else really. i originally thought AS was autism, so i coudn't have it. i wasn't remotely autistic, et. al. by my experience, there's possibly millions of people who have their own measure of AS and success, without ever knowing about asperger, asperger's syndrome. or even that sacha baron-cohen has a cousin (sic).

Have to agree with Greentea. It's a mixed bag; finally knowing what's 'wrong' with you, vs knowing it's not going to change.

If you can find a place you 'fit', you have a lot more control over your life.

Unfortunately, not all of us have that luxury.

If that happens to you, move far away and ignore your family. That's what I did, and it worked for me.

It's not that simple. With there being a housing shortage, and most unskilled jobs being done away with, I din't see how I can pull it off. Years ago, we had full employment, where even a factory worker could down tools, go to another city and walk into a job there. But the powers-that-be stole that from us, and made everything too complicated. So perhaps I'd better just learn to Know My Place instead...

College is an option for most of us. You can get government loans if your parents are low-income, which for the purposes of loans runs halfway up middle class. There's grants just for going to college in your home state, in some places. You can live partly on loans and partly by taking an on-campus job. Then you start looking for a job sometime during your junior year, and by the time you've graduated you'll probably have one.

And anyway, even if college is impossible, you can live off a restaurant, grocery-store, or other minimum wage job, if you do it carefully.

Dude, the phrase "job security" is a fictional term; it doesn't exist...unless you own your own company. One wrong move by any Joe in any department, and everything is gone in the blink of an eye.

While not necessarily an economics expert, as a fellow Aspie, I expect more from my fellow Aspies..though I'm not always sure why.

You're letting nostalgic beliefs cloud your mind. The world changes dude; it's all about adapting to the changes, and being successful despite them.

...I study this stuff. Stop crying in your beer, get up, and do something.