ASD Families. Describe your family.
FrogGirl
Velociraptor
Joined: 13 Oct 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 403
Location: Lost wherever I am
in my family:
my husband= mild undianoised aspergers
myself= undiagnosed asperger
8 yr. old son= asperger
3 yr. old son= NT
my husband can be social, but it must be on his terms. He is not very good at getting along with others that have different views, therefore working with other people is NOT his strength. He is currently trying to start his own business. He has his group of drinking beer and playing pool friends that he sees several times a week.
I like talking to people, anyone that will listen, but am not good at all on the art of making and keeping friends. I impress people with my knoledge, but I just don't make any social connection beyond that. I have no real friends. I do not work due to severe anxiety with dealing with people in a situation that I must please people(which is impossible)and is expected in any job. I enjoy spending time to myself, but I do like being around others. Just not too many at once. Example: I will go to Walmart to be around people, but NOT on a Saturday or any busy time. I usualy go late in the evening.
My 8 year old wants friends, but finds it difficult to find kids that are understanding of his needs and behaviors. Also finding kids that dont make fun of him or use him.
My 3 year old likes to play with other kids, but is very shy, especialy around adults. He is also, currently, very defiant and strong willed.
Over all, our family runs like 4 seperate components of a machine, but with none working together, therefore nothing getting done in a timely manor, or at all. We all seem to like to do it ourselves or not at all.
My family, based on traits
My dad: I don't know about him. I strongly suspect he may have a little. When I went to get my AS diagnosis reconfirmed, he had to meet with the clinical psychologist, who noted "the father also exhibited some immunity to social cues." He half accepts that I have AS, but is very impatient with me. Tends to be relatively liberal (I think his age {68} has something to do with this) in raising children, but used to be heavy handed. Likes cowboy movies, and watches almost nothing but. Can tolerate sisters rap and bass when we go somewhere as a family. However, comes into conflict with my rebellious youngest sister. Noticed that he has trouble with saying things the wrong way or blurting out when he gets into a verbal argument with my sister. he is very social and he shows normal cues (such as laughing and eye contact when i watch him in conversation). Claims he had "several hundred" friends and acquaintances when he was a mail deliverer. Talks and laughs loudly. I presume NT.
My mom: She is not longer a part of the family (she left with an Egyptian man for Florida). Used to be very obsessed with scrapbooks, genealogy, etc, and would get mad if we interrupted her. Very dependent, and was angry when people interrupted her recreational work. Liked house perfectly "clean," and may have been obsessive-compulsive. Was very religious, almost to the point of being a fanatic. Had a hard time with "gossiping" women she tended to associate with. Depended on my 19 sister for counsel. Had long talks with my "normal" aunt on the telephone. Believed in conspiracy theories. I am not sure about her.
My younger (19) sister: Likes drawing and art, though she doesn't obsess over it. Was always a social outcast as a kid (may have been because she was quiet, or maybe because she was relatively overweight), but has become very outgoing. Has a "fiancee", and from my observations, she tends to behave quite in tune "with the chemistry" in "romantic encounters" with him.
Very religiously oriented, has deep involvement with her church situation. Got involved with a bible discipleship camp for about 5 months. Obsessed about appearances, but as a moral factor, rather than aesthetic. Does well in art, but poorly in Math. Presumed NT.
My youngest (17) sister: Very loud and boisterous. Has lots of so-called "friends" and claimed to have had 20 boyfriends in her life. Disappears for long periods to go visit with her friends, quite often male. Drank quite a bit. When she returns, dad usually has some "friction" with her, and ocasionally, she has a "blowup" with my dad. Easily misunderstands the meaning of what my dad tells her, which escalates conflict and end result is slammed door (my dad usually tells me to leave him alone). Has a cell phone, which plays rap very loud. Listens to rap very loudly. Walks loudly, and has a "loud" personality. Controlled by peer pressure. Seems very anti-intellectual, and does poorly in school. Very conformist to fashions, almost to the point of being gaudy. Obsesses about her aesthetic appearance. Gets mad when her personal effects are moved, but treats other peoples' property with callous disregard (installs music and IM programs loaded with spyware on my computer, and leaves my room messy). Is mean, but is very socially involved and makes friends easily. Has an intolerance for me. Confirmed NT.
Me: Don't wish to go into details, but I have been diagnosed twice with AS. First time in Idaho, and second time in Kalispell, MT. Have a lot of severely focused obsessions, but can"t maintain one specifically for long periods of time(more than a week, maybe is a result of depression or ADHD). Tend to be very quiet, to the point of not talking even in a social situation. Talk to myself quite a bit on long walks and get mad about family issues. I am deeply emotional when alone. Have gotten to the point that I like listening to sentimental songs, and cry when family gets mad at me. Have an emotional attachment to intellectual subjects (Reading history or philosophy makes me feel happy). Handflapping and rocking at times. Has a bizzare kind of "shutdown" when I remember socially awkward moments from my past. Poor eye contact, can't maintain long conversations. Poor understanding of other peoples personalities (I see someone who looks like a "nerd" or "anime fan-otaku" and assume them to be members of subcultures w/o talking to them). Discriminates who will be friends based on interests. Very sensitive to smoke detectors, and go hide in car in garage when someone fries something up on stove. I have a fear of loud noises. Very awkward when walking around in crowded areas. When I was in high school, I used to "shut down" (close eyes) in the classroom after sitting in loud lunchroom and walking through loud halls. I have some "friends" now, but they really don't get a lot of chances to speak with me, or don't want to. Mostly, I am alone. I have problems sleeping at night, don't usually fall asleep until 2:30. Diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADHD (I wonder how they interact with AS). Am something of a loner at school, don't like loud, boisterous boys or cute talking girls. Confirmed AS, but some interactions.
Since everyone in my family seems to have problems (but all are very high-functioning), I'm just gong to list them here.
Mom: some AS traits
Dad: ADHD, Bipolar
Grandma: Bipolar
Grandpa: OCD
Aunt: Bipolar
Great Aunt: Bipolar, Depression
Oldest Cousin: ADHD
Twin Cousin 1: Anxiety, Depression
Twin Cousin 2: ADHD
As you can see, no one is ever calm. As for me, I have NLD and OCD.
My oldest sister, Autism (moderate), bi-polar, ADD and OCD. IQ ~70-75.
That is it out of all my siblings and parents.
Me, Autistic- high functioning... Not verbal until ~ 4 1/2 years old and also ADHD.
My wife, Aspie
My oldest son (19), ADD
My next oldest (15), Mild Autistic and ADD traits... social ineptness and very artistic...
youngest son (13), ADHD, few Autie traits.
Daughter (12), Autie.. delayed socail and language skills. Interest in animals since ~1.
I was diagnosed ~ 4. I rather not live by a label... With a 'spectrum' disorder... it is unique for each person, just as a personality is unique for Aspie/Auties and NT alike... The ASD is another depthness to an individuals personality that neurotypicals lack. Makes life more interesting...
I rather be a bit eccentric and adapt accordingly while retaining my identity in its fullness than to dumb myself with drugs unnecessarily to be more like NT's and treat another facet of my psyche as if it a liability because it is different than the majority... Treating it with a bandaid (drugs) does not do anything good in the long term, but rather learning to coexist while adapting makes us better people in the long term...
My family includes diagnoses of Autism, Asperger's and Tourette's. Undiagnosed individuals exhibit some or all of the same traits and quirks.
My father and mother are both nice, friendly and good-hearted, but have had no friends for as long as I can remember. My mother can't hold a conversation with people she meets and my father is a quirky engineer who always comes with comments out of leftfield. Neither has been officially diagnosed, but my father clearly would be Tourette's (and likely mild Asperger's) and my mother fits Asperger's.
Me and my two brothers each exhibit different combinations of Asperger's/Tourette's symptons and I am not sure who has been diagnosed with what (not that it matters). My son has been diagnosed with Asperger's, and a nephew is diagnosed with Autism.
My wife and daughter are both extreme NTs.
I don't know of anyone with ASD traits in my family but they were definitely odd.
My dad was an alcoholic but very smart in many things. He was also obsessive with his interests like building model planes, movies, philosophy, and other odd stuff. Sometimes it's annoying to get in a conversation with him because that's all he'll talk about is ony his interests. He was also very low key guy who kept to himself but never socially clumsy or akward in social situations. I think sometimes the drinking is probably what helped is shyness as I know it was for me. In fact I think I take after his behavior. He would get very angry one moment and then act as if nothing happened the next. I too seem to have issues with anger but am getting better. I've been taking anger management for a while now and I think it's helped a lot.
My mom...another woman with lot's of interests. I identify with her interests more than I do my dad's. Her and then my granny were both into creative stuff like crafts, painting, writing, and lot's and lot's of music. We would have little projects of making plays out of our stories and then designing the set. My mom was a lot of fun but she had and has always had a long history of depression and anxiety. I remember when she was bleeding and we had to get an ambulance. I didn't know it at the time, but she had tried to take her life which just shocked me. For a while, I ended up being the same way and we do have a history of suicide in the family.
You could say I took after both my parents characteristically although I don't think they or any relatives I know of exhibit any traits of ASD except my cousin.
_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan
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