Aspergers/Autism nd feeling empathy

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That's very interesting, Anemone - I just took the test & find myself pretty close to the mean scores (Davis 1980), except for Empathic Concern - where I'm quite low (until you take into account standard deviation - then I might just be a little low.) So I guess that fits in with my initial estimation, that I can understand another person's feeling, but I don't necessarily concern myself with them.

That does seem to be the case. I can 'understand' why another person has some distress with a particular situation but even if that person is my wife, parent, sibling, etc. I cannot feel any empathy or sympathy about that situation or their perceived feelings about it all.

Maybe I repeat myself, but I think that the most important thing is that understanding, rather than necessarily having a feeling. One can maybe still act on one's thought as one would be able to on a feeling? Or how is it in your case?

I'm completely indifferent to other human beings so I don't even bother with intellectualizing about their feelings or emotions though I can. It just isn't something I consider to be important or necessary.

Well, a lot of people think it's unnecessary and we see the results all around us. People seemed unconcerned. I didn't start out being indifferent, I learned to be that way through constant interactions with others and reactions that made no sense. If you compliment someone and their response is "Shut up and don't try to butter me up" what are you supposed to think? Get enough responses like that and you quit trying. Goes for anyone, not just autistics.

Do you stop a red lights? Do you try not to hit pedestrians and other motorists with your car? If so, you are not indifferent.

ruven

I feel empathy, I'm just not good at showing it

I can feel sympathy but I don't usually feel empathy.

I personally don't have any concious emotions. I have an extremely limited set of facial expressions, that look "weird" or "incorrect" to other people. They are nothing but physical responses to me, and i usually have no idea as to what caused them. If asked how i am feeling, i will always reply "okay", "content" or run people through a list of various ailments i am currently suffering from. Having never felt anything emotionally, it's impossible for me to empathise with other people.

Intellectually, i try to group everything as either causing pain or not causing pain (something i do understand), and i try to avoid causing others pain.

This is the same exact thing I have trouble in so it makes it harder for me to empathize with that person.

I have some empathy but I would have to ask, do the emotions you feel show when upset, happy, angry, etc or do they come off a bit flat and callous....at least to other people?

For me, those feelings are not easy to project. My emotions come off a bit flat and out of character. So it's kind of like a battle between external and internal behavior. The emotions may be there, but my brain doesn't process them in the way I'd react in front of others.

Remember that the online tests are at best indicators and not diagnostic tests; you will find a lot of opinions on the validity of diagnosis here, especially as an adult. My results are quite high, and my son is diagnosed HFA... in talking with my GP, he agrees that AS seems the most likely given my history and issues but will not make a confirmed diagnosis due to his lack of specific training in that area. As for empathy, I can relate to the confusion - when I first started reading about it, it was a real sticking point for me. But I think it comes down to the difference between instinctual empathy and analytical empathy, the latter being the type frequently found in those on the spectrum. Through the analytical process, those who look at situations in this manner will also be more -aware- of their own empathy, which can create its own set of problems as they feel unappreciated or taken for granted by those whose empathy is sheer reaction, who are ignorant of their own actions. Perception and process are two of the greatest challenges for those on the spectrum, moreso when in relationships, especially when there are starkly different mechanics to the way each partner thinks.


M.

I don't know if I can feel empathy, honestly. I have no idea what it's supposed to feel like. So I may feel it and not know?

Someone posted empathy is what's needed to get along with others. Maybe if you are good at getting along with other people you do have empathy. You have what it takes to fit in and deal with them and have them include you in their lives. It facillitates your ease in society. You have to say stuff like, um, "Oh wow that's not good" if someone says, um, "My car wouldn't start today." If you say something like, um, "Oh sucks to be you" when they say their car didn't start that would be the unempathetic response. So, you can memorize some responses and fake empathy that way.

I think I know what you mean, but I never know what to say when someone says something bad, except I'm sorry, and that loses it's meaning after a while. For instance, my friend told me her ex-boyfriend's dad beats him...what is a good response to that? I never know...

In a case like that, a good friend tries to help the other out of the situation or gives pointers on how to stop it from happening, since personal injury can result. Your friend should find another place to be when his stepfather is angry. You can help by providing him a place. If that isn't possible, you could help him find someplace else.

I feel emotions, and sometimes appreciate other people positions, definitely.

Again, it's another issue whether I do this "frequently" or "appropriately" enough for other people's tastes. Or whether I communicate or respond to those feelings "properly".

Sometimes I am pretty clueless as to how to respond to emotional situations however this does not mean that I can't help people feel better and listen to them.

It's the large group social interactions, collaboration and crowding that I have the real difficulties with.

I often feel detached and caught up in my own mind, this is definitely not the same as being uncaring though.

I've known people like like and they certainly weren't uncaring "monsters".

They did love and care, they just sometimes didn't really know or weren't aware of how to express that caring sometimes, that was all.

Actually, I think that they cared in a practical way when they saw fit. Not "wrong" as such, just different really.