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"friends"

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millie
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19 Mar 2009, 2:46 am

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ephemerella wrote:
Nephesh wrote:
ephemerella wrote:
Nephesh wrote:
ephemerella wrote:
Friends are fleeting. Enemies are forever.


And sometimes friends will turn into long term enemies.....


I suppose that I'll have to defer to your experience in that. I guess it could happen, if you're an as*hole to those close to you.


It can also happen the other way around. If they start to bully you and you refuse to put up with the bullying any longer then they will turn into enemies. When you stop enabling and facilitating an alcoholic they will turn on you and start blaming you. That sort of thing.


Yes, but then the person wasn't a friend, but a toxic person all along whose attachment was destructive.

But I definitely agree with you that bad people can masquerade their way into your life as friends and benefactors.


i had an experience like this for a couple of years. this person ran pretty high profile art workshops with some amazing artists. Because i am not too good at reading the play in some instances - i failed to see how she was using me. I am a walking encyclopaedia on certain aspects of my country's art scene. she used me for that. i advised and did a whole lot of stuff. i did enjoy doing it as it is part of my special interest, but i was definitely manipulated under the guise of friendship and support.

but the funny thing is, since then, i have just gone on to being happier and happier about how i am and who i am and she is still working people over. that is the divine justice in it as far as i am concerned.


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Dussel
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19 Mar 2009, 3:00 am

millie wrote:
i had an experience like this for a couple of years. this person ran pretty high profile art workshops with some amazing artists. Because i am not too good at reading the play in some instances - i failed to see how she was using me. I am a walking encyclopaedia on certain aspects of my country's art scene. she used me for that. i advised and did a whole lot of stuff. i did enjoy doing it as it is part of my special interest, but i was definitely manipulated under the guise of friendship and support.


I think it's up to a certain pint normal for an Aspie to have such experiences. The first few times, I shocked and felt abused. In the meanwhile I learned to go my way and do not care about such persons. It is not worth the effort.



Warsie
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19 Mar 2009, 3:09 am

Greentea wrote:
I emailed my best friend that my mother had died, and I've yet to get any reply from them (almost a month after). Since this is my best friend, you can imagine what my not-so=close friends are like (insert sarcastic laugh here).


Use Instant messaging. Sometimes people mess that up and delay for weird reasons. I have accidentally delayed for weeks.


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jawbrodt
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19 Mar 2009, 3:18 am

andantespianato wrote:
Anyone else get this?



My friends have screwed me over far more than any of my enemies ever did. I guess it comes with the territory. :shrug: :lol:


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millie
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19 Mar 2009, 3:26 am

Quote:
Dussel wrote:
millie wrote:
i had an experience like this for a couple of years. this person ran pretty high profile art workshops with some amazing artists. Because i am not too good at reading the play in some instances - i failed to see how she was using me. I am a walking encyclopaedia on certain aspects of my country's art scene. she used me for that. i advised and did a whole lot of stuff. i did enjoy doing it as it is part of my special interest, but i was definitely manipulated under the guise of friendship and support.


I think it's up to a certain pint normal for an Aspie to have such experiences. The first few times, I shocked and felt abused. In the meanwhile I learned to go my way and do not care about such persons. It is not worth the effort.


i agree Dussell.
and i also agree with your final line - just going one;s own way. after all , what else is there for us? If we do this, the ride of life becomes amazing.


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Alien_Papa
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21 Mar 2009, 11:28 pm

andantespianato wrote:
Why is it that when I want/need someone to talk to all my friends seem to disappear?



It's easy to be a friend to somebody when they're doing great. When times are tough, it's tough to be a friend.

Life brings a lot of problems that can't be solved by a kind word or a pat on the back. So "friends" fade away. Some were never really friends to begin with. Some care but are scared because they don't know what to do.

I have been ashamed for many years that I didn't reach out to a friend after they attempted suicide. I cared, but the truth is that I was shocked and I simply had no idea what to do. So I did nothing. That was stupid. Fortunately she is still alive.

I draw two lessons from this. 1) If a friend is in distress then I try really hard to be nice and caring and stay in touch. 2) I try to be understanding and compassionate towards the weakness and failings of others because I was also weak.



isnessofwhatis
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22 Mar 2009, 2:20 am

I have very few people I count as true friends. To me the word friend is sacred and not to be used lightly. A friend is someone I can trust my life with. You know someone is a true friend when you tell them you had a panic attack at 3am and they asked you why you didn't call them.



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22 Mar 2009, 12:42 pm

That's what I call a friend too.

Someone willing to sacrifice a night's sleep or 1 vacation day from work to help / support you, and who'll appreciate your doing the same for them when they need it.

You're lucky to have such friends. Nowadays that kind of friendship is quite rare.


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GuyTypingOnComputer
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22 Mar 2009, 7:55 pm

Greentea wrote:
I emailed my best friend that my mother had died, and I've yet to get any reply from them (almost a month after). Since this is my best friend, you can imagine what my not-so=close friends are like (insert sarcastic laugh here).


When someone gives me news, I take it as news. If it is not clear that the writer is expecting a response, then I probably won't respond. It would not be personal. I just wouldn't think about responding.



protest_the_hero
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22 Mar 2009, 10:30 pm

You seem upset or depressed. Need someone to talk to, no one you can talk to...I've been there and I still have the cutting scars.



Greentea
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23 Mar 2009, 12:36 am

GuyTypingOnComputer wrote:
Greentea wrote:
I emailed my best friend that my mother had died, and I've yet to get any reply from them (almost a month after). Since this is my best friend, you can imagine what my not-so=close friends are like (insert sarcastic laugh here).


When someone gives me news, I take it as news. If it is not clear that the writer is expecting a response, then I probably won't respond. It would not be personal. I just wouldn't think about responding.


But she's not an Aspie.


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