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Rejection feeds on itself

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GuyTypingOnComputer
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20 Mar 2009, 9:34 pm

I agree that rejection does lead to further rejection. The result of this downward spiral can be depression and anxiety.

The problem I have is that after stripping away the low self-esteem and anxiety, I am still an individual who has difficulty socializing which prevents any upward momentum. If I can overcome the rejection it still takes a lot of mental energy for me to socialize and I have no natural inclination to reciprocate socially. When I do make a conscious decision to reciprocate (e.g., respond to an email even though I don't have anything to say) it is not because of any need I have to create a social bond, it is because I think the other person might need or expect it (excuse the analogy, but it is like I am taking care of an electronic pet). Eventually, my attention goes elsewhere and I won't think about communicating with the other person until a few weeks/months later. The other person moves on and I am rejected for not keeping up with the expected social norms.



DustinWX
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20 Mar 2009, 9:48 pm

zer0netgain wrote:
There is another angle you did not cover.

When you are rejected enough times, in spite of it being painful, you become "comfortable" with it. In time, you may prefer dealing with the pain of rejection than try to process the uncertain future of being accepted.

I was a real ass to people and never knew it. I pushed people away because I was afraid of what might happen if people liked me. Once someone pointed out to me that I acted very differently in a group vs. one-on-one, I really had to think about why I did what I did when around others.
I know the feeling, I've been in your shoes many a time.