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Why do NTs hate hearing the word, "Why?"

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Aspie1
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30 Mar 2009, 10:12 pm

I think I know the reason. I read on one of the websites discussing business etiquette that a lot of people consider the word "why" confrontational. So they're likely to try verbally defending themselves, rather than giving you a straight answer. I don't know why, but that's how it is, and honestly, I also get defensive when someone says "why" in response to something I say. The same website, however, offered alternatives, and I came up with a few myself. I tried their advice, and in all cases, people responded to them much better to the alternatives than to "why". Here are some examples.

* When
- You can use this one when someone accuses you of something.
Example: "When did you start thinking that I'm selfish?"
As opposed to: "Why do you think I'm selfish?"

* Is there a reason
- Use this phrase when someone tells you something can't be done.
Example: "Is there a reason for that?", after the waiter says you can't alter a dish.
As opposed to: "Why can't I have that?"

* What gave you the idea
- Use this phrase when someone says something you strongly disagree with.
Example: "What gave you that idea that Bush did a good job?"
As opposed to: "Why do you believe Bush was a good president?"

* How come
- Use this phrase when someone tells you some news that make you curious.
Example: "How come?" when someone tells you a train route will be discontinued.
As opposed to: "Why are they discontinuing it?"



RandomKid
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31 Mar 2009, 7:53 am

I am always asking questions. I was asking my tss some questions and shes like you sure ask a lot of questions. My cousin says I ask way too many questions. I try not to ask a lot of questions. He thinks some of them are stupid. We get along sometimes. Thank god I have him though cause I would be so lost and failing if eh wasn't tutoring me in math.


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CleverKitten
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31 Mar 2009, 9:25 am

Aspie1 wrote:
*"Why?" Alternatives*



Wow, thank you so much for such useful information! I will definitely try that next time I have to ask "Why?". And maybe I'll post my results.


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PrisonerSix
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31 Mar 2009, 11:24 am

CleverKitten wrote:
They hate it when they're asked "Why did you *insert action here*?"

"Why does x affect y?"

"Why this?"

"Why that?"



For some odd reason, the NTs that I know hate being asked "Why", especially if the questions deal with their own behaviors.


Why is this? :?


They don't like their silly unwritten rules and double standards questioned. They want their rights and their equal treatment preserved, but have no trouble denying it to you.


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Icheb
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31 Mar 2009, 2:13 pm

Because the word "Why?" is a stupid question, not really useful for gathering information. Nine cases out of ten, the honest answer to the question "Why?" is

1) "How the hell should I know?"

2) "Who cares?"

3) "Because I feel like it."

4) "Because I ask you to, and I'm the one who's paying."

5) "Because you owe me."

6) "Because we've tried everything else."

7) "Why not?"


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