What to do about doubters?

Post Reply New Topic

You may not like the idea of pretending, but have you considered that whether or not a person has Asperger's is entirely a matter of opinion?

While the OP's friend will probably not understand what AS is until s/he decides to learn, I do have some advice for people who are dealing with those who are upset that you seem to be "labeling" yourself by accepting your diagnosis.

Point out concrete problems you have. For example, one of mine would be my inability to deal with transitions. Then point out that these problems need solutions, and a diagnosis is a way to get access to those solutions. Make them see the utility of it--a diagnosis isn't a way to say, "oh, poor me, I'm defective", or to excuse not trying to improve yourself; it's a way to define the way you think and experience things so that you can solve the problems you have. I think of it a lot like solving a physics problem (because I'm nerdy like that!)--you just can't even start solving it until you've gathered all the relevant facts and constants and equations and measured out the physical dimensions of everything involved. Trying to solve a problem without defining it is very unwise, especially when autism is one of the constants you need to solve the problem.

(BTW, you may have to make the point that improvement does not necessarily equal not being autistic anymore--it probably just means being a more self-reliant, capable autistic person.)

I'm an adult but in a phone conversation with my mom last week I mentioned an article I had read about AS and how surprised I was that it sounded exactly like me. I found it shocking. Her response was to insist I was no such thing and that she has a friend with a young AS kid who walks on his toes. End of conversation.

I think we live in a culture that is blooming with "disorders" and people are tired of hearing about it. I certainly have had that feeling myself, as if every aspect of personality has become some kind of pathology. It's not something I plan to mention to anyone but my wife, who agrees that AS describes my personality with a creepy accuracy. But I could just be an INTP with some odd quirks I suppose.

I wonder if extroverts are also suffering from some kind of pathology. Some extroverted mirror image condition where they require the input of people to function. heh

my roommate of 12 years, who has worked with autistic kids for years, doesn't believe I'm autistic. So when I resist doing something, he thinks I'm just being difficult. Drives me nuts!

I don't think anyone has ever doubted me.

Lots of things I'd like to respond to here.... Not all on topic, but I'll hit them in order.

richardbenson,
Are you a jeweler/artist? I haven't run into too many people who even know what fire agates are.

TobyZ,
Thanks for that link! Very useful.

Callista,
That's the best way to verbalize what I've been trying to do that I've ever seen! I hadn't thought of trying to explain the process but it's worth a try for sure. The next time it comes up I think I'll use that tactic.

Pogue,
Disorder fatigue probably doesn't come into play in this case, but I've run up against it before. I know that years and years ago I dismissed ADD/ADHD as a made up disorder because suddenly everybody and their brother had it. Now I look around and see the same kind of "epidemic" of AS/Autism, and I can't defend my own thoughts from the time.... I think that the problem is viewing any of these broad spectrum "disorders" as disorders instead of descriptions of a normal human condition.

Jamin,
I've kind of gone through a cycle on this... I don't feel the obligation jump through hoops, but there are so many circumstances where doing that actually makes my life easier (and more pleasant), that I don't feel as much resistance to it as I once did.... The exception is people who I'm close to. I don't want to be something I'm not to them. I want to be myself without having to defend myself, and that's the problem in this case.