Combating detachment

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The emotional numbness sound like a heavy phase of depression. The trouble is that the emotional numbness will still be there even if the depression is not. I guess my thoughts are that when you are under sufficient psychological strain the mind stops working normally.

In truth, I can't really think of much worse. Isolation is rarely fun but without emotions everything sort of goes flat, an inability to feel. Everything became a nightmare of numbness. I found it faded eventually but that probably depended upon many different factors, which may or may not be true for you.

Have you tried anti-depressants or seeing a psychologist? The former did not work for me, while the latter took an edge of, gave me some space to make some major changes in life.

^ I haven't done either. I'm not sure if it is psychological strain because it seems to be my natural state as a child. Or perhaps I was severely depressed as a child, too?

I don't know. I need to do more about it myself to see if I can pull out of it. I just wanted to see if anyone had any tips. As for the posters who suggested I embrace it, well I did for most of my life but as I mentioned previously, I started to pull out of it a couple of years ago and I felt real happiness and real love and I really want to be able to feel that again.

A therapist is probably a good idea. I just don't trust them

Maybe it doesn't have to do with AS/Autism but rather some other condition entirely. I just see a lot of people on here talking about difficultly feeling emotions so I thought it might be related. *shrug*

I often notice that I feel... compartmentallized, if that's what you mean. I've learned to accept it: there are people who seem to be at the complete and oblivious mercy of their emotions without any sort of ground. Where I am seems a bit more logical, at least.

I've also accepted that I'm mostly on my own in terms of 'getting help.' I know myself and can potentially treat myself better than anyone else. The shrink who officially diagnosed me even told me so, more or less. Trusting that you can eventually figure things out yourself is the best immediate advice I can offer, from where I'm standing. Of course, paid professionals are there for when you literally can't deal with the immediacy of your situation, but if you don't need them, then...

I guess there was a time in my twenties when my life felt especially empty. Outside the predictable school environment and working long hours with people with whom I had little in common. There were times when I would sleep for most of the weekend, simply because I had nothing better to do. I wasn't necessarily depressed, but my life felt empty.

In retrospect I think that part of the emptiness lay in not having any special interest, something that gave me some enthusiasm to get up and do something. By chance my boss gave me a SLR camera that he'd bought and never used. I got a book about photography and became very interested in strange little effects like the upside down world in a drop of water at the end of a blade of grass. And I started to stay awake on the weekends and in my own time because I had something exciting to do. It didn't require engagement with other people, but it was a way for me to be engaged with my environment, always alert for some strange perspective that would compose a good picture.

Later in life I became ashamed about being short-tempered and I wished that I could be more detached in my interaction with other people. I'm not sure how it changed, but now I feel like I've become almost too cool, I rarely get angry, but I also never get excited either.

I went through this a few times and it was a bit scary. You hit the nail on the head when you said that life felt like a dream. Its kinda like you're not really real. Every time, for me, was due to anxiety. The first time the anxiety was induced by smoking lots of pot. I guess I didn't realize at the time that my mind just really couldn't handle it. I didn't feel right for almost a year after I quit. I'd get glimpses of what felt like reality, but eventually it came around. The second time it happened was because my grandparents, who I was living with at the time, left for a month. I guess I didn't realize how just merely seeing them around every day became a "routine". The third time it happened was due to a nutritional deficiency of magnesium. It caused havoc on my health, which resulted in anxiety, which resulted in this weird detachment.

So my personal way out was through an intentional change of outlook. Even though I'm not an alcoholic, I am familiar with the Serenity Prayer recited in AA. Almost everyone has heard it at one time or another until it has become meaningless. Anyhow, this prayer just popped in my head one day, but then it dawned on me that perhaps I didn't really know what the true definition of serenity was, so I looked it up. It means:

1. a disposition free from stress or emotion
2. the absence of mental stress or anxiety

I then realized that the answers to the prayer were in the prayer. It was an adjusted attitude one had towards life.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

What a difference putting this into practice this has made in my life. If you can't accept what you can't change, you'll suffer mental anxiety. So simple! For example: I can't change people or their behavior, so I must accept that. But I can change my own behavior and thats all I'm truly responsible for. If someone cuts me off in traffic, there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. I don't have a time machine to go back and undo it or affect any kind of change, so I must simply accept the fact that it happened, will likely happen again, and go on with my life. I used to obsess about these unimportant things.

You can apply almost anything to this.

Anyhow, I don't know if you're suffering from anxiety or not, but if after some soul searching you find that you are, perhaps what worked for me may work for you. This resolved my feelings of detachment and I was finally able to feel alive, look up at the sky, and enjoy a breath of fresh, real air.

I wish you well on your search to resolve this.