pride vs. shame in aspergers

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It also depends on what sort of people you have around you.

If they (including professionals) are all afraid/ignorant about AS, you start to feel afraid and confused too.

For many years I was ashamed of AS...well because other people expected me to be ashamed!

For them, the concept of being "proud" of AS was as illogical as being "proud" of a broken leg. They saw AS as a defect and they thought that I was a mad child in the grip of it.

If I hadn't found this website, I would have still thought that AS was a "bad" thing, a "disease" or something that was made up or an excuse, because I have people around me in real life who think this way.

If they'd all been understanding, positive and supportive about the AS label, I would have cooperated more and would have been prepared to learn. But they weren't: many thought that something was "wrong" with me and saw it as a negative thing to be "corrected".

My family were also frightened and ashamed of the AS label because they thought that it would impact negatively on my prospects in later life: so we denied it and tried to get rid of it.

From what I've read, that some of the negative criteria of AS are basically my personality on a bad day viewed by my worst enemy from the worst possible angle.
The criteria also blithely assume that everyone develops socially at the same rate and there isn't room for any biological variation or eccentricity.

Once I realised this, I could think about negative AS criteria in a more balanced way.
It's in effect an assessment of my personality from the point of view of someone who looks at me and isn't prepared get to know me better or at least give me a chance to explain how I see the world.

They didn't even give me the chance to argue my case: my parents had to do that for me.

Quite. As it happens, I like myself and a number of things that I like about myself are associated with AS. I like them in spite of observing that they are a nuisence, even.

But I'm not proud of them, any more than I'm proud of the colour of my hair. Which I also happen to like.

ButButBut......are these the only possible responses then?
.

I don't feel pride, and I've never felt shame yet.

Ive always been different so was happy to finally have a name for being so different when I was diagnosed. Everything finally started to make sense! I wouldnt say that I have ever been ashamed of my aspergers, it can certainly frustrate me at times, but then I guess life in general can do that. I just try and be the best that i can be

I'm ashamed of who I am, I hate myself, and lately my personality has become so bizzare and fragmented (possible due to AS) that I can't stand myself. I have a little of the AS talent, I am good with 3DS Max and the Piano, but I never learned pitch perfect and I don't ever think I can use my talent for anything actually useful

I'm probably viewing the situation through a very distorted and biased lens because of the attitudes of those around me.

I just think it's kind of bizarre how so much confusion, negativity and fear can be attached to one label.

People may have been projecting their own insecurities and fear onto me. They may have also projected their own interpretations and explanations onto my behaviour.

People fear what they don't understand.
People also fear what its ambiguous or can't be identified accurately.
How is that supposed to help the individual concerned and help him/her to live as full a life as possible?

Labeling, as I experienced it, was a subtle form of ostracism.

It's funny.
I'm short sighted and everyone accepts that.
The opticians are more than happy to prescribe me glasses and offer helpful advice. They're not afraid of the fact that I'm short sighted: they'd be all out of jobs if they were.

Nobody (including myself) really fully accepts and understands the possibility that I may be AS. I am afraid and they are afraid. There's a giant cloud of fear, denial, ambiguity and confusion.

As far as I can see it, where I live, there are no "glasses" or helpful advice available for social difficulties available without negatively labeling oneself and risking the possibility of social rejection.

Others have told me to deal with my social difficulties by denying that I have any issues; by rejecting any negative labeling and carrying on regardless with everybody else.

I like to think of the analogy of a top athlete running a marathon with a foot injury. The athlete decides to cover up the injury and pretend it doesn't exist. She knows that if she admits the injury, the event organisers are likely to pull her out of the race. If that happened she knows that there's a very good possibility that she won't be allowed to run again. She wants to run with the others and prove that she can complete the marathon with the best of them.

She weighs up all the options and realises that it maybe very painful to run on the injured foot and may damage it even further; she may also realise that she may look a little awkward when she's running; but she's spurred on by the possibility of prize money and a medal at the end.

By ignoring her handicap and carrying on regardless, she's actually giving herself a chance to succeed and maintain her reputation without being stigmatised or being "out of the running".

That's how I've lived my life thus far.

Pride isn't the word for what I feel, but neither is shame.

I'm definitly not proud, but not ahsamed either I'm not that bothered.
And I don't usually tell people but if someone finds out another way I wouldn't care.
Not long ago I was dead ashamed and felt like my diagnosis was a complete misunderstanding and I was 100% NT but after doing a bit of extra research and stuff I found out it wasn't a misunderstanding and just accepted it.

I feel like a bit of an outsider at times and different but I just get on with it.

I think you are seeing, in a lot of cases, that pride hides the shame. I wouldn't necessarily use the word "shame" though, maybe a sense of inferiority. Shame can branch out from that, however.

but I'm not ashamed of what *I* am, and I'm proud of the things that make me unique and valuable, and I think those things might be so unique partly because of the autism. So I think it evens out, sort of, but I still don't want anyone to know about my diagnosis.

I have been in doubt for a long time about telling anyone about my autism. I work as a system operator in a computer training center (as a graduate in computer science). I explained it to a number of people I thought I could trust and did not seem to be bothered about it. Although I recognize that many people around behave as if they notice something odd about me but they are too stealthy to tell me straight away (or they cannot find the right words to describe their suspicion).

I am also in a part-time teacher training programme (in art school, painting, drawing and sculpting which I seem to be good at as well) and many of my fellow students have the same suspicion; I didn't tell them about autism. Next week I will give them a short talk and an introduction. I already sent round e-mails on the intranet with an explanation and I already spoke to some of them who told me things now became very clear to them. Information and education certainly helps.

I am also proud of the things that make me unique and valuabe but I think autisme has until now been a stumbling block in getting the recognition I want from others. It's like coming out of the closet very slowly (overcoming shame).

The community welcomes the savant with open arms; they ostracize the "mad" genius.

I can't say I'd call it a blessing per se, perhaps a mixed one. But I agree that taking pride in something that you had no hand in creating is silly. I'm not proud of it, nor am I ashamed it of, any more than I would be proud or ashamed of being tall, blue-eyed, or my Jewish or Ukranian heritage. I didnt make them, I didn't choose them, they're just part of who I am. Accomplishments are the only thing to be proud of, and failures the only things to be ashamed of; the rest simply is.

Neither: It is neutral fact, like the colour of my hair or eyes. So it is nothing I can change, there I must see it with indifference.

I don't really see the point in being proud of it. Sure, I'd hate to be an NT, but at the same time, my being not-so-NT has caused a lot of problems in the past, is causing problems in the present, and will cause problems in the future.