The cure topic - let's phrase this a different way

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I would prefer them to not have autism. I would want them to be able to have friends, do well in school and be able do things that I find hard. The worst of my problems are sensory, anxiety and actually talking to people. I don't want my child to go through that.

In the same way that gay people often say they would prefer that their child is not gay, simply because there is so much prejudice and lack of understanding in the world, and they don't want their child to meet with the difficulties they've encountered, I would prefer, for my child's own sake, that they were not autistic. For my own sake, I'd prefer that they were, because then I'd relate better to them. But of course if I had a child my primary interest would be the child's best interest, not my own.

I didn't vote because I have no preference. I have young children, so it's hard for me to imagine life without them. Either way, I know how I felt beforehand. I don't care if they are Aspies or not. My preference is that they are healthy. Even then, I would still love them the same. To me, asking me this question is like asking me if I prefer my children to look more Puerto Rican than white or more white than Puerto Rican. It's a silly question, but I kinda see the point in asking it because I can see how you would ask all those with Aspie Pride if their condition was so awesome and gave them superpowers that would they also prefer their children to have it. If that's what you are asking me, I don't think Aspies have superpowers. I just think we are different and with that comes pro's and cons. NT's have their strengths and weaknesses. And you know what, everybody does, and they are all unique irregardles of what label you fall under. But as far as labels are concerned, Aspies are just different. Nothing more. Nothing less. We all have hard times, even NT's have moments they would never wish on their kids. So if you are asking me if I want my kid to be black or white, I'm not going to care which one they come out as. But if you are trying to ask me if I want them to come out with a brain tumor or without a brain tumor, I'm going to prefer they not have the brain tumor although it's not a requirement. If you are asking me if I prefer my kid to come out with the mechanical genius that seems to run in my family or average intelligence, then I'm kinda hairy on this one. Yes I want them to excel at something, but I know with that comes some issues. So I'm not sure where I stand on that one. Either way, I guess you can categorize the question in one of three ways. Either autism is negative (like a brain tumor), positive (like a genius), or neutral (like race). I see it as neutral. I really just in the end want my children to be happy, and nothing brings happiness or takes it away. Happiness is only a state of mind.

I should also add I do believe in God, and I believe God is better with planning my life than I am. He just knows what I want better and how to get me there. So, it's really His choice on how my kids are. My preference is to go with His. Besides, who am I to state otherwise? Yeah, telling God how to do His job. I may be crazy, and I may be pscyhotic, but I'm not stupid.

You really made me think about this.

Would I prefer a child to have AD(H)D or autism?

It's tough. AD(H)D can be much more disabling than AS/other ASDs and vice versa.

Sure, there's meds for AD(H)D so you could say:
hey, no problem that my kid's of normal intelligence but can't dress, can't figure out toilette times, can't sit down and eat, attacks themselves and others because at the end there are meds for that. (All common problems with full-blown AD(H)D.)

But there are non-responders (=people whom you cannot treat with the meds).

So what if your kid's a non-responder or if they're one of the group who only reacts to meds for a couple of weeks/months? (You cannot know before.)

I know this is possible/likely/you can't predict it so I really don't know if I'd prefer one over the other.

I guess for me, my autism makes me have very little interest in other people, even if they were my children. I would struggle to be constantly interested in the child's best interest, even if I knew that was the right thing to do. If my child was more autistic than me, I imagine they would have no sense of gratitude or appreciation for the struggle I went through at all, because they had even less interest in others than me, AND they were a child as well.

Also, guess I am a bit biased because am reading about parents of autistic children who are constantly worried about what will happen to them: chewing electric wires, drowning because they had a fascination for water, hurting themselves and not realising. That terrifies me, that my autistic child could kill themselves if I wasn't constantly worrying about them and thinking from their point of view...theory of mind, which as you can imagine doesn't come easily to me at all.

Thanks to everyone who has responded so far, your thoughts are valued.

Tantybi - guess I am in mostly through the struggle to accept his sovereignty (I hope). But for other people this is still a live issue, and many people have not accepted it. This is why I asked the question.

Sora - glad it made you think. It made me think too.

Tough question. I finally answered NT. I can't help but be coloured by my AS and NT sons.

My eldest son is very highly social but with a few mild traits. He is very individual and will not go along with the crowd or the trend. He's doing a double degree though he's by no means a genius. He thinks a lot about everything, loves debates without ever insulting anyone or putting people offside, his teachers always greeted me with an awed look on their face, so 'you're' his mother, as if they envied me to have such a nice and clever boy for a son.

My youngest son has just been diagnosed AS, though it was a difficult decision and may be wrong. He has had a tough time and dropped out of school last year in year 9, mostly due to chronic fatigue though I suspect his school and social problems may have added to the fatigue. He's content to be on the internet all day every day and never socialise face to face. Fortunately he wants to do a 3D animation course which will involve full time study with young people who share his interests. The IQ test he did for his AS assessment showed average intelligence but I know he is exceptional in the computer and 'design and technology' areas that were not tested in the IQ test and I feel he will go far if he can get a job in his chosen area.

Both could have been so different depending on their other genes, environment and attitude. If I had wanted a third child I can't say I would want them to be LFA but AS I could manage now I know what it is. On the whole I said NT so they wouldn't have all the rejection problems which are so painfull.

See, I'm in the boat of "whether or not they have it ill concerns me".

If they have it fine, if they don't fine.

If i were to only have one child, i'd prefer him to be autistic. I don't see it as disabling, i see all the possible comorbids as being disabling. Maybe because i'd be more understanding of my child, unlike my parents were with me, he wouldn't develop an anxiety disorder, etc.

If i were to have more than one child, then i'd like a mix. Everyone can be narrow-minded, NT's and aspies alike. But if my children were to grow up with each other being so different, then perhaps they'd be opened minded, perhaps they wouldn't bully people, etc.

Being what I have determined is {NP}, I am well aware that life is a pain in the @$$ without any added issues...why on earth would I wish anything like autism or Asperger's on a child, it surely doesn't make this world an easier one to navigate.