Anyone really like to please others?

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I don't really care about pleasing others unless they are worth my time. I care more about obtaining what I want and need. If I loathe someone, I want to be as displeasing as possible.

I don't go out of my way to please others just for the sake of it, but if someone is deserving of some kudos, attention or goodness then sure, I'd do it as much as anyone else. I try to treat the people I love and respect (and who love and respect me in return) well.

But I'm certainly not a 'people pleaser' or a doormat. I'm too independent and detached for that. On that note, at least when I do something nice or thoughtful the person knows the gesture is genuine and not out of a selfish desire to be needed or appreciated.

I like to please others just because I like doing it. It just makes me feel good. I am not sure it is done out of empathy either.

I only like to please people I really care about and love- other than that I could care less. It's a evil thing to say but it's true. I also like to please people at work.

I think my way of connecting to the world is through my brand of "art", which is actually theater. I felt very good being a dancer on stage because I felt like I could connect with people, or that what I was doing could inspire certain feelings in them- (my reason for thinking this was remembering all the times when I watched other dancers when I was young, and how their dancing "spoke" to me). I have always been quite hypercritical about my work, and I think that´s why...I want it to be perfect, and I want to be able to move people. I have had the same feelings when I´ve choreographed a dance piece or directed a musical comedy. I loved it when the audience was inspired, or when I could make people laugh. If people came up to me after a show I directed, it was always hard; the talking part, that is, I could barely look them in the eye, or barely talk, and sometimes I would even try to hide from the audience...but, at the same time, when they complimented me and said they enjoyed the show, these compliments would feel so good and I would run them in my mind over and over again afterward. I definitely enjoy pleasing people through my work.

I was just thinking today how important that is, and how much I use my work in theater to connect with others. I´ve been feeling kind of disconnected lately, and a little sad that I haven´t done anything in awhile....(the reason for this all having to do with that social stuff, networking, bah! Can´t do it). I really miss that, and making people happy that way. Don´t know what else I can do...maybe write a book....that´s more indirect though...

Bummer, I´m feeling a little sad today.

I have always tried to be helpful with people, but on occasion people could care less what you do.
Not really into the concept anymore, would rather stand back from the crowd and not get involved.

In my own way....For example, I am a chronic "gifter"...am always giving stuff to people..sometimes it is the only I am able to bond..even though i have come to realize that some people regard it in a derogatory way...and it doesn't really help me get any closer to people.

also I can be very hospitable.

This behaviour of wanting to help and please others has been part of my personality all my life. Unfortunately this behaviour has its negatives. Many people take advantage and manipulate us to their own benefit because we lack the awareness to identify the 'dark' personalities.

I do not feel like such a 'SUCKER' in life now after reading many of the replies. Being Altruistic in personality is a positive attribute, but dangerous if you are easily manipulated.

Quote:
Learning2Survive wrote:
"pleasing others is how aspies express compassion and empathy".

Feel this is an accurate observation of Aspie personality. Would be nice if the authors of Aspergers comment would mention more of our positive traits and less of the negative sensationlised 'Rubbish'.

im also a fan of pleasing others

I just linked to this thread in my Blog! The idea of pleasing others as how we express empathy makes a lot of sense to me: it really resonates with and clarifies a lot of my previous experiences. Thank you for saying that.

Pleasing others is often the central focus in my life, and I do think it could be tied in with our efforts to express empathy.

I kind of acted like a servile little toad sometimes. I would but people things and just say "here", and they would feel awkward about why I bought them something. Don't buy people off it doesn't work.

I have met a few aspies who like to please people. I know there are many around who feel the strong desire to do this.

Myself, I cant say I have ever had a strong urge to please people. When I was a child I was always getting in trouble because I would forget to think about people. I think I still forget to remember to please people.

I do like doing nice things for people at times, I used to paint watercolours for friends at highschool, and if friends were drunk and throwing up I would look after them and make sure they didnt throw up on themselves. I am happy to help people out if they need help but I am not really much of a "doer", I find it hard getting the motivation to do things for myself at times.

Yes.
In fact, I had a friend for nearly 4 years who's been taking advantage of my helpful nature, and I didn't realize it until this summer. I confronted her about it, and she admitted it. Sure enough, we don't talk anymore. To avoid anything like this ever happening again, I've become extra cautious about who I make friends with, and about my present friends.

I do it because I feel obliged to, for some reason. I end up feeling horrible if I don't help others, and start blaming myself for not doing it. I become afraid that people might start thinking that I'm a bad person if I don't do it.

I too have a weird desire to "please people" as my mother puts it. I call it, "helping people." I kinda do it for spiritual purposes more so than anything, but it's my natural inclination to help people when they need it, whether or not they deserve it. Before I had kids, I used to go out on a limb more to help people, but now I've been playing it much safer. Like, before I had kids, I would give someone my last dollar bill or the shirt off my back if they needed it. Now I give things like that to my kids. It has nothing to do with being accepted or receiving glory (as people think it is) as much as I know I'm just stronger and more able than most people. I do it for charity. Yes, I do love helping out rich people on occasion or a high ranking military officer, not because I'm kissing butt, but because they seem like the least type of person to take someone's charity.

Now take this concept to the next question....

How many of you Aspies feel like you have something to prove to people?

I do all the time. Especially with my family and friends. I feel like I'm constantly trying to prove myself to the world. Sometimes in that situation, it kinda crosses with people pleasing too. Like my sister's bridal shower. I was the maid of honor, so I had to put together a bridal shower. Considering I was fired from maid of honor for a week because I'm undependable, a lousy mom, and I don't care about my sister at all, I felt like I had something to prove with this shower. And, for the first time in my life, my mother recognized one of my strengths, graphic design and art. She was publicly recognizing it to people like my sister who always rebutted with the idea that she was better at it than I. So, I went overboard on everything. I had more prizes than people, too much food, decorations were all handmade, etc. I paid for it all, time and money. But, my invitations (handmade) were nicer than the wedding invitations. And, everyone went on and on about how talented I was at the shower in front of my sister of course. Now, though, I never really anticipated spending all that time and money on it, and I'm feeling the effects now for it since I'm in the process of moving. This month, I'm paying rent for two places, utilities for two places, rent and utility deposits, boxes, moving supplies, moving truck, etc. And, I'm packing a lot. I really wish I had more a head start on this. Either way, my public relations answer to this type of behavior is simply sibling rivalry. But i know it's because for whatever reason, people don't see me for who I am, and they tend to underestimate my abilities consistently. The people that claim to love me, like my mom and sister, should be the first to know me for me, and really, they are the last. It wasn't just family.

High school, I was always trying to prove myself. I still do, 13 years later. I only dress up for things if I know I might run into people from high school. I won't gain weight because I was fat in high school and I don't want to be caught dead being fat in front of another one of those people again. Of course, with my luck, the girl that was the biggest B word in school, yeah, I run into her for the first and last time since high school up to now while I'm 6 months pregnant. So you know she thought I was still fat and probably told everyone behind my back how fat I was.

Also, like anyone else in this world, I can't stand people running their mouths about me behind my back. People like my sister are the first to spread rumors about me. Some rumors, I am cool with. Others, not so cool. But since I know she does, when I'm around people she knows that I don't know, like her co-workers, I really do feel like I got something to prove. I really think I'm just wanting to discredit my sister since she's the source of some of the worst rumors there can be about me.