Do people with AS make bad friends?

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So far, I have been not kept one friend that I made, in the past 20 years, or so. I think that at first, a person is interesting, and I have fun hanging out and all. Then, gradually, it all gets boring or something. I slowly start to lose interest. I really feel bad when their feelings get hurt, and they start to wonder if they've done something wrong, or if I am angry with them or something. I don't know how to say that it isn't them. It would sound so cold if I said that I just got tired of examining them under the microscope, and now want to move on to something else.

Most of the AS people I know are perfectly fine.

It's just that some can be socially naive, and could potentially piss people off by not taking proper social protocol. For example, I was scheduled to hang out with one guy that I had met at an AS group once before, and he kind of left me hanging. He apologized by e-mail when I got home, saying that his grandmother made him help a friend move.

I guess it was partially my fault for not asking for a contact number. But when I arrange to meet someone, and I don't have a contact number, then I damn well make sure that I meet that person. Family members be damned. My ex-boyfriend with AS also displayed similar social flakiness when he was a teenager.

Also, if you're the type of person who doesn't want to always have to initiate, then AS friends might not be the best idea. Despite the obsessive stereotype, most are pretty passive regarding friends.

My boyfriend is undiagnosed, but seems to show many, many characteristics...so I am almost certain he has AS. I find that my being NT he is easily hurt by me, if I want to discuss the subject or try to enlighten him on what I have read up on thus far on AS...he takes it as a personal attack, even though I love him just the way he is for the most part. {A bit more attention would be nice} If I were to question his mannerisms in friendship terms, I think it's that he is a bit self-absorbed in his own interests and not very flexible on a whole. He also has little desire to go anywhere, he talks about it...but when the time comes, he is not really in the mood to see anything through. Which is a bit deflating, in the long haul I am sure that some AS friendships could prove to be a lonely and one-sided. If both have AS, not even sure they would care about the others interests or needs at all?

Cool thread, i have a few friends that i've had for several years. i have learned that i am not a good friend per se, but i can do things for people, sometimes doing things for people freaks them out too though.

There's this stereotype of someone with Asperger's being more self centered and narrowminded than others. It might be true in some cases but it doesn't ring true for everyone.
I have always been extremely idealistic and am still very much so. When I was little I always dreamed of a better life and better places than where I was at. My hope was, one day, I could find this "utopia" I had imagined and day dreamed about.
I got to the point, I was so desperate for friends, I settled for ones who were with me for specific reasons, not because of friendship, more because they felt guilty or they realized I would do nice things for them regardless of their attitude toward me, or they needed someone they could take everything out on and they rationalized I could serve this purpose, or there was no one else and they didn't want to go someplace alone so they made me go with them and I said "sure" even tho they were going someplace I truly did not wish to be. I said "sure" because I was aware they wouldn't be able to go do what they wanted unless someone went with them.
Yes, I know this sounds TERRIBLE!! ! What kind of friend does this?
Aspies can be outstanding friends until they are repeatedly taken advantage of or taken for granted and their limits are reached. Then we can get very cynical, very tired, very sick of it all. So, you guys, show an Aspie some appreciation every once in a while, will ya????

Wow, thanks for the big response lol. It's good to I'm not alone in the bad Aspie friend front, and also that we can make good friends too.

The reason I posted this in the first place was because of an incident that occured with my friend yesterday. Basically, my friend got drunk on her birthday and went a bit insane (screaming, yelling, accusing a paramedic of raping her, etc). So I decided to take a break from her for a while because i was angry that she drank alcohol, even though she knows it makes her go mad (she has tried to stab people before). During this "break period" I contacted another friend to talk about that fact that I was upset about my other friend. Yesterday I decided to try and make up with my friend as I felt that I missed her. When she found out I contacted another friend, who she has fallen out with, she got angry with me and said she was "disappointed" that I would "backstab her". She also said she was disappointed at how I handled the whole situation, by not speaking to her for a while. The reason I took a break from her was because her behaviour was beginning to effect my own mental health.

She seems to think that if everyone isn't surrounding her going "there, there, it will all be ok" and giving her loads of attention that they are "punishing her" and being selfish. I can't count how many times I have gone to her house just to sit with her because she was depressed, I have even taken her to the hospital because she took an overdose, and the second I need time to myself I am being selfish, etc.

Apparantly, her mum was also angry with me because of how I treated her daughter. IOW I didn't treat her like a spoiled brat like she does. Funnily enough, on the night of my friend's birthday her mum left me alone with her daughter and decided to go to bed even though she knew she was going insane. So if anyone has the right to be angry, I think it should be me.

I can't remember exactly what else she said but I got the sense that she was trying to manipulate and guilt me into acting all apologetic and giving her attention, because it's all about her after all.

So I have decided that I do not need someone like that in my life any longer. She has lost her best friend, her boyfriend and now me because of her behaviour, yet refuses to see that the problem lies with her, not everyone else.

My experience has been Asperger's and alcohol abuse do not mix. I try not to overdrink. Your friend sounds like she is having bad experiences with alcohol.

I'm not sure if past friends have been AS or not. I honestly can't tell unless someone tells me, or, there is something about them that is obvious, like, if they were toe walking I might notice that but not everyone with AS toe walks.

Even friends who have elaborate collections of some kind remain uncertain. Can you have a collection and still be NT or does having that collection make you an Aspie by default? These are the subtle mysteries that keep me confused about who has it and who doesn't. I am pretty sure someone without a collection most likely doesn't have it...maybe...unless their special interest isn't collecting in the first place. So, it gets complicated. I guess I am oblivious to subtle differences in people or don't know what to look for or...something.

I have known people who say "so and so is weird" and I would think how are they weird?. I guess that's the NTs who say "so and so is weird" and that could clue me in to them being "NT" using that intuition of their's to detect something's off and translating what they sense into "weird" but I lack that finesse. I don't notice the weirdness in the first place.

Whenever something I see doesn't add up I think or say "That is so weird" but it's not intuitive. One time I saw something really strange on a friend's passport and it totally contradicted everything she told me about where she was born and all I could think was that's so weird because I wondered why this inconsistency existed and if it meant she lied.

Usually, with other people, I am unsure. I have a habit of second guessing every conclusion I reach so I never know for sure who they are or what they have. They are unknown to me.

This topic is awesome. I don't have any friends with AS, but I'm described as pretty loyal.

Going by the people on this board, they could be wonderful, caring, exciting people, average people who you'd not even know had AS, or self-centered weirdos who see nothing wrong with mistreating others. They run the gamut.

"Bad" is an ambiguous negatively loaded word.

Not bad as in evil, but bad as in poorly socially skilled?

I say this because you can have the best intentions, but due to poor skill these intentions can come out the wrong way or be misinterpreted.

I wish language was more neutral than this.

One can be a good person at heart, but still have poor social skills and awareness.

i have next to no experience with other aspies.. except i know a lady aspie who appears to be a very loving wife & she's been very friendly to me.. this person i rarely see tho..
i think i can be a great friend for the most part, just different..

wblastyn, from my own personal viewpoint I'd say having a friendship with someone on the spectrum differs from person to person in that, some social scenarios work well where others tend to fall.Mind you though this, in itself is due in part to how each person NT & AS work to foster and maintain a friendship despite inherent difficulties between the 2 people.. I'll admit that I've often felt like a failure when it comes to friendship yet, then again some of the people I had came across happened to be malignant though.Still, regardless I do try to make things work as best as possible.. Basically, what it comes down to is how much are both persons willing to work at something..


ProfessorX

Like anybody else, you need to dig beneath the surface to discover a gem.

A lot of people are good people to know and associate with. You just have to invest the time to get to know them.

I know this thread is a year old but give me a chance to give my opinion - I've just seen a quote here what is very interesting

I believe that I make a good long distance friend, or a good short term friend, but I cannot endure for a long time. I tend to get burned out, or I make the other person get burned out, or something.