Interview with an Aspie...

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The whole video was made to look very casual...us in the coffee shop etc. was made to look just like a casual conversation. The way I present in the video is pretty much how I present in real life. I have much less to say usually though...I go on and on here because I'm talking about my special interest!



I was diagnosed at 7 and was a textbook case from when I was a little kid from up to about high school age. I'm not even the least bit concerned about it today and I can (and do) pass as "normal".

But the reason I do presentations and make myself available as a resource is because I know many people are struggling through school, friendships, and navigating the world just like I did. Plus, many teachers and support workers are confronted with the task of dealing with people on the spectrum and have no idea what to do or act, or get down on themselves because they feel these people are impossible. I send a message of hope and renewal in that I went through the same things they did and some particular things worked for me and made me into the person I am today.

Very good indeed! And I don't think you talk oddly by the way.

That's actually the reaction a lot of people get when hearing me speak or reading my writings.

I honestly don't even know if I have any signs of AS now, apart from the fact that I continue to struggle with anxiety. And again, I only use my diagnosis to inform people that I struggled once, and to give them strategies on what can help, rather than as something I would identify with now. However, I cannot say that I'm 'cured' because the general consensus among the medical/psychiatric population is that there is no cure for autism.

AS presented itself quite obviously in me as a kid. I never made eye contact, I didn't know the first thing about interacting with people, and I often got 'stuck' on things I was interested in. I also had very huge sensory issues (picky eating and walking on my tiptoes).

I'm thinking of contrasting this video of me with some home movies of me at 6 or 7, because I was a remarkably different person then. I have some of me doing very obviously Aspie things, like pointing at flags on a poster and saying what country they were from, and going on and on about television logos.

As I said before, I'm not even sure if I have it anymore. I was diagnosed, but then again, that was a long, long time ago.

As for walking into a shop to buy things, I can do it with ease. However, I cannot stress enough that it took me years and years of battling intense social anxiety to overcome a fear of being out in public. I was in very similar situation to you when I was around 9-15, and I got through it, but it was incredibly tough, especially since it was at an age where friends were deemed crucial and important.

I decided to get out for very short periods of time at first and then gradually work my way towards longer periods of time, as well as doing anxiety provoking things like ordering food from a restaurant or weeding my way through crowds. Now that I live in the city, these things are part of my daily life and I have very little problems with them.

I hope that you have some opportunities to get out, even if it's for a short period of time. Have a friend or family member take you out to the store, and once you're comfortable with it, go more often.

Thank you! I'm precise about the details in the video was because they asked me to be specific, and also because I'm talking about my special interest.

Well said. People who work with others on the spectrum often don't consider the fact that many Aspies are depressed...and not because we don't want social contact, but we have tried unsuccessfully to get it and have lowered our self esteem by doing so.

^Of course you still have it, but you likely are closer to NT on the spectrum, than most of us. The AS traits that were troubling you were overcome from practice, persistance, and knowledge. Everybody on the spectrum has the potential for improvement, and the closer you are to NT to begin with, the more likely you are to become fully functional.



EDIT: I was a little late posting, but that was meant for one of your upper posts.

I can see it. It appears that you're of the highest functioning type, and that's the overly formal and stilted manifestation of social behaviour (where most with AS tend to be of the active and odd or passive types). I'm betting that if someone walked up to you out of the blue that you didn't know and spoke to you in a social manner, you'd fumble, am I correct?

You probably appear normal to most people (uh, isn't that what most verbal individuals with an ASD look like? And that's "normal"), but it's easy enough to see if you know what you're looking for.

What are we looking for?

Is it something physical?

I honestly can't see it.
I'm sorry.

I struggle to even see it in myself sometimes.


I see people as just...well individuals really.

Is that wrong?


I had to cope on my own without resources sometimes.
I had to cope on my own with quite challenging tasks.
It was painful and embarrassing to force myself sometimes.

I can safely say, that in social situations on camera like that, I'd appear "less socially adept".

So would some of my relatives, yet I don't see them as being "disordered" or having something "wrong" with them at all. Neither would they.

Hmmm...

Easy.

No facial expressions other than a smile, hardly any emotional inflection in the voice (it just doesn't sound as robotic when it's a female's voice, but males with AS can kinda sound "girly" too), and an overly formal way of speaking, and also the appearance of a scripted way of speaking. Plus, it being on a set topic, I'd bet that most people with a AS can speak equally well. Eye contact appears normal, but she may very well be looking at a certain part of the person's face or looking through them; however, she looks away with her eyes often, it's just that she's not moving her head with them (I notice people with AS often do this).

Plus, how she explained she didn't know how to initialize social interaction at all, the lack of friends, etcetera and etcetera, all point to it.

I bet she couldn't speak equally as well on a topic that's not of interest to her.

"Disorder" comes from not how you physically appear, but rather, what you can physically do.

At first glance you are NT. But when I look at you I realise your facial expression remains the same throughout the video... Compared to the interviewer. Because your eyes move around a bit it creates the illusion of facial expressions but really there arent any of the expressions seen in an NT. So to me you look aspie but you are very skilled at looking normal, an NT would never know.

If it were that easy, people still wouldn't be hotly debating about my assessment. Even they said that professionals can get it wrong sometimes.

I've had friends and family like this and I thought they were normal.

Many of them have a formal way of speaking and I honestly don't see the problem with it.

I've been called a robot before.

But then again lots of people don't believe I'm AS or should label myself.



See above.

We always talk on set topics.

I do all these things too, but I don't honestly believe I'm "ill".




Neither do I, since no one ever showed me how to.

Yet lots of people didn't bat an eyelid when I got into difficulty.

I just thought I had to try harder.

But I dislike the syndrome word because other people around me dislike it and are afraid of it too. They don't want me to label myself.

It's caused me so much pain in the past people pathologising my personality. Now I realise that it's not just my personality they are pathologising, but those of my friends and close family too!

This just isn't on.

That's worrying because theoretically someone could be labeled "disordered" just because their behaviour doesn't fit some preconceived norm or seems "strange".

This could then be used as a basis for social exclusion of that individual from a group.

This can be asserted without physical medical evidence or proof?
No wonder I was so skeptical all these years.

I think that there should be a physical test, then there would be no doubt or ambiguity at all and we'd know what we were dealing with.

I mean that in the sense of having a mental disorder, if one shows signs of the disorder via physical manifestation, they usually are impaired in some set way, however, this isn't always the case. So, "disorder" need not apply, even if they look the part.

People can experience subclinical variants of disorders; once, run-of-the-mill AS was seen as subclinical Autism and just something that a parent of a child with clinical Autism displayed (after all, who with Autism can form a relationship?), but now, it's its own diagnostic entity. When you get to the highest of functioning individuals with AS who still appear like their more disabled brethren, it's just that they seem to be able to do things that most can't/don't do, and this is where the lines between disorder and order meet and blur together.

I think I look a lot dumber than I actually am and that's part of my problem.

congratulations anneurysm.
It is good to see younger people wanting to operate as mentors and educators.
I was trying to listen to you speak but the frigging background noise in the coffee shop drove me berko as per usual. (my problem, not yours.)

Keep inspiring, keep educating, keep talking, keep doing what you are doing. You are verbally high functioning and you can use your skills and gifts to enrich your life and the lives of others.

and good luck with your studies. Hope the college corridor crowds do not impede your quality of life too much.