How do I stop thinking that people are enjoying my failure?

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Ah, the class reunion. Or in My case, lack of it. That gets me to wondering if I wasn't invited.

Like you, I was teased in school. Heck, I was beaten often by the bullies and jocks. I don't blame you for feeling like others are gloating at your failure of whatever. I get that feeling also.

I figure I'm doing ok. I'm unemployed as of now, but going to flight school to finish up my ratings. I reckon that if I do get invited to a reunion, then I can gloat that I'm a commercial pilot. Maybe that'll impress somebody. I have a nice house, great wife, and a prosperous future. At this point, I really don't give a damn about high school classmates or what they're doing. Especially that one guy that had that Trans Am and a lot of girls in high school-then read about him in the paper how he's homeless with two kids and living in a camper without running water or heat...yeah, I think I'm doing alright.

I know someone else who is a cop. His problem is that he is a bully and has been investigated and suspended quite a few times over the years. He even got run over while trying to stop someone from driving off. He fractured his hip and was in the hospital for a month. But he's still under investigation for intimidation and witness tampering. I hope he one day gets a jail cell with Bubba.

I find that imagining others in a worse situation helps with keeping my sanity.

I can understand your situation. I graduated almost three years ago and looking back at it. Who cares? It was just another stage in life. Events like this will go on and on and on like a broken record. I know what its like, when I started working I had co-workers who just had to be as*holes in critical situations, in college... actually your less likely to experience as*holes, and I mean less likely. But you get my drift, people will be dicks to those who the dub "weak", but we can't deal with it properly because we don't have that ability to strike back at as*holes, or tell stories like a raconteur. Were just not like normal people, and were just going to have to live with that. But don't be fooled into thinking that you don't have a chance. I say live your life out side the rule book and maybe your life will get a bit interesting.

I'm sure the mediocres who always envied me are gloating nowadays. Who would've thought that someone with my grades and creativity and bright mind would fail so miserably in all aspects of life? But there was an element neither they nor I knew about: NLD becomes worse with age, especially the social aspect of being good enough with people not to sabotage your own successes. I comfort myself by thinking that nobody knows how much effort it's been to live with such a thing as undiagnosed AS/NLD and that, compared to the easy life of an NT, I've succeeded largely, because I managed to live an independent life in the ""normal"" society for almost 50 years. That, for me, is a huge success, which nobody but I know about.

I suggest you could maybe try to get a book published or win the lottery. If you succeeded in either of those, you would be the one gloating.

This looks like the reverse side of schadenfreude. Do you rejoice over the failures and downfalls of your enemies and adversaries? If so, you may be getting the "blowback".

ruveyn

i can not understand how anyone can be truly affected by another persons thoughts.

other peoples brains are inside their skulls, and separate from my brain.
what they think can not possibly affect my own brain waves because there is nothing but air between their heads and mine.

as long as you are successful in taking each breath, you are as successful as any other organism on the planet.

i do not care how others perceive my development through life.
i do not ever want to be them.

i do not know if you want to be like those who you feel worried may scorn you, but i would see them as desperately insecure people.

anyone who feels happiness at your misfortune, is obviously not completely convinced of their own fortune, and they feel light hearted when they can compare themselves favorably to someone else who they want to portray as "struggling".

i went to a school reunion once when i was 26 (because i was asked personally), and they all had families and normal lives. they mainly had children and a large network of social friends who also were parents.

i, by comparison, was a hollow shell of a life. i had no family or kids, and i was not interested in their type of life. they asked about what things i had moved on to and i had nothing to say. they snickered among themselves at my "aimless path" they think i took through life.

but really....i would not want to be like they who feel the only joy in their lives is to speculate about how someone else is not as lucky.

they must feel insecure in order to constantly keep comparing themselves.

so why would i care if they laughed at me? i saw some baboons in a zoo once that all seemed to laugh at me and i thought it was great fun.

people are similar to baboons.

I am not waiting for my wrongdoers to fail at life, but I am sincere enough with myself to admit that I would be dishonest if I said that I'd be happier if my wrongdoers did well in life than otherwise. The thing is, the only crimes I committed against those people were not being amiable and minding my own business. They, on the other hand, actually went out of their way to punish me and emotionally abuse me and for not trying to earn their respect. Since I feel I was the victim, it's natural for me to want the last laugh.

This is exactly how I was treated by people in school...especially by my friends. They said I come off mean and callous so any teasing, harrasment, and insults I got by others was in their opinion justified. They would never come to my aid if someone decided to pick on me or make my life hell. If I were to make jokes or insult them in a friendly matter they would be mortified and say I was a bad person yet they expect me to think that when they did the same thing to me they were "just kidding".

Then again most of these people that I had problems with were more nerds and braniacs. They're generalized into thinking that they are the victims in a society corrupted by jock rule so therefore, they MUST be the good guys and anyone that insults them in any way is baaaaaaaaad! I never saw jocks as an evil...most jocks left me alone...I tried so hard to fit in with the nerds and geeks because I thought it was where I belonged. But the treatment I got from the guys suggested otherwise.

Now they're gonna live with this notion since they were the "lower rung" of high school cliques that they're automically gonna be famous or do amazing things with their lives and such. Frankly I couldn't care less what they do. And I have no interested in attending ANY reunions of any sort because I would just be bored out of my mind just going to a gathering as such.

My enemies would be so thrilled to know that my life sucks right now and would consider it "Karma" but any sort of "Karma" they think is happening around them is all in their heads. It's a bunch of bull to believe in "Karma" because jerks like them will go unpunished for many of the things they done to me. I've come to accept that at least.

Don't forget that the only people who enjoy others "failing" are those unsure or displeased with their own achievements. Those who feel fulfilled and happy will either not notice or show you compassion. So it sort of works both ways.

I have absolute pity for any person pathetic enough to have been so affected by me in highschool that my failure would elicit some response of joy in them.

How terribly worthless do you have to be, to wish for and celebrate the lack of success of some other individual.

If they were really that tied up in whether you made a name for yourself or not, then you obviously had a lot more power over them than was healthy for them. If their happiness is in someway dependant on your failure, well, then they must have some pretty serious issues. And no amount of success in their lives will ever be reward enough for them to be complete.

Move on, MW. Move on and look back only to shake your head and sigh at how awful their lives must be.

I you feel others are demeaning you be nice ti them this will confuse them and is much better than involving yourself in bitterness.Dont believe in facades most people are living a delusion and are aware of it.Rise above it all your happiness is the only goal.

I too was tormented in school, and I took the damage from this far into my life in the decades following graduation. To me it came in the form of self-condemnation, playing the parts in my head, keeping the voices of abuse loud and clear. When you imagine the criticism of your life being rehashed among your classmates, do you also hear the sound of their disapproving voices?

Realize that this is all in your mind. Realize that you have given power to your critical peers to continue undermining you long after they have, in truth, ceased to even think about you. That you do this suggests that you agree with them, that your life is indeed a failure. Such a belief is usually rooted in weak self-confidence.

The short answer to your thread's title is learn how to bolster your esteem until you can enjoy your successes. It's about lifestyle, my friend.

dp

Why even bother to go? What better way to signify you truly don't care about them?

I don't see the problem.

my classmates did.