Upbringing (for those diagnosed/realized as adults)

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1. My parents split up when I was about 1

2. I was given to my Grandparents at 18 months who lived 200 miles away.

3. I was given to one of my mums cousins as my Grandparents where a bit old to have to care for me.

4. After a couple of months given back to Grandparents.

5.Grandmother died whn I was 3 so me and Grandfather moved to London to liove with my Mother and her evil new husband.

6. I was permantly left alone in my bedroom out of the way apart from when my lovely Grandfather took me out.

7. At 5, I was sent to Childrens homes, the best part of mylife so far, I would do anything to go back in time to be back there.

8. At 8, Mother and evil one had me back in order to save the £25 a month they had to pay the Childrens Society, Grandfather had died by now. It was back to the old routine of home from school, watch Bewitched and then off to my lonely bedroom for 14 hours out of the way until school the next day. (No toys or books or bedroom tv back then to keep me amused).
When step-father did see me it was to beat me with a stick, kick me in the stomach or smash me around the head whilst telling me how useless/selfish/stupid or ugly I was.




I am now of the opinion that I dont have Aspergers, but that severe emotional and physical abuse, along with neglect, can cause the same damage to the personality that Aspergers does, hense it results in the same symptoms.

Wow! it's just like my life! (not making fun) ! I found so funny your nickname since the first time I saw it, one can say I've been raised by ignorance and neglection too. But I can suppose that my situation was heavier than yours.

My mother (same psycho, different nationality) was doing the same things to me, but what I've learned from it is that we are all humans, and we have right to wimp a moment for no apparent reason as long as we don't turn our lifes into misery for nothing. Even more right has the people that has real reasons to do it, I respect their pain and support them in it.

As for me, I have so much reasons to get deeply depressed and people feel anger at!

At a moment I understood that I could choose betweeb let them make my life more miserable or I could just simply take distance from them and rule my own destiny, take my own decitions as I pleased and live my life in harmony with my own principles. I didn't left cause I was feeling really trapped and panicked so I started tried finding the armony between my believes and theirs, with no good result. They took it as if I was being merely defensive, so they attacked harder.

It got really bad, to the point where I understood that I HAD TO STOP IT, leave everything behind (dead or alive) we (me & them) did not fit together in the same piece of world. So I had 2 choices both required a dead end, definitive cut with the reality I have lived in until then.

When you have had a myserable life, death turns out to be the best option, definitive, easy and simple.

Living implies stay and fight against ghosts that perhaps will never desapear, get a new chance to start again building your life from the nowhere and dealing with all the limitations, fears, frustration, sadness anger and more bad feelings and adverse circumstances one has thanks to a bad BAD life story.

what to do? why do it? or why not? and what for?

As death was an unfair solution cause I'm a good person whose only guilt was to have a very bad life thanks to others (wrong person in the wrong place thing), I decided to stay alive and try again, my conditions were that I was going to try as hard -as I used to- to be happy and good according my principles, that this time if bad things where going to happened where going to be deserved, also decided that I wouldn't let misery about things that where already in the past to ruin my new life, feeling so much anger and pain is not healthy. Now and I have survived against the odds everything that has happened to me it's like I got the chance to have a new life, but having a new life full with in bad feelings only brings more misery along and makes you attract more bad things.

It's not easy to deal with the ghosts and even though has been almost 3 years since I got this chance I feel I'm kinda slowly de-intoxicating, I understood I can decide to let those ghosts destroy me making my rebirth even more unfair than my past, or I can take the conclutions and lessons with me and let the rest go and make sure I give myself a better life... after all no bad feeling is going to change my past, un-do the unffair experiences, help me feel better or increase my life quality and expectations.

Sometimes I would like to deny my past, feel embaraced enough about it to deny it, invent myself a better past and never feel faced by it again with people questioning me "don't you miss your family?" "why don't you talk to them?" "why do you refer like that to them?". But I can't, cause [b]I like so F*cking much who I am[/b] , who I've become inspite all those things or even thanks to them... after all it can always be worst or better, but more important: that it is (ME & now).

I cannot say I'm leaving the perfect life now, or I can't say I'm perfect (I'm not even trying to be)... but I do have the conviction in everything I do that I do it cause I want to, cause I feel like it, cause it came out of my guts, cause I enjoy it, that I'll do my best and that I'm not gonna hurt anybody. Now a days I don't get to hear unfair mean critics or comments about my life with no valid argument but constructive critics are always welcome, I defend my self better against destructive people and let only the good things to happen now, only good people to come close.

One can never be completely right in everything one does, but if you have the conviction and you are being responsible with the freedom given to you and with your principles, then it is, and it keeps your life in harmony. And yes I live a life as happy as a messy aspie can live, doing my best making other's people's life also enjoyable.

After I left everything behind I tried to keep in touch, but I'm definitely not in the condition to do it, neather are they in the condition to receive such a beautiful gift as my happiness is.





Do you live a happy life??

If not: what are you doing to make it happen?

They are getting until where you let them, stop complaining and do something TO SOLVE IT before it get worst for you (if possible).



Have a happy journey and sorry for the long post.


PS: By them I meant everybody I met closely in this past life, except for 2 or 3 persons. Everybody.

I can't really say. I lived my prepubescent and early adolescent life in a bit of a haze. Barely aware or willing to notice what happens around me. The only 'traumatic event' I can think of would be my biological father leaving when I was 3, although I can't say it ever bothered me, as I had a decent stepfather.
Other than that it was the usual aimless wandering on the playground during recess, being barely conscious during classes, getting into arguements with teachers when they were being moronic, rarely going outside or hang out with people and generally not giving a feck about school or my future.

Sorry to bust in here with my boring life devoid of emotional and physical trauma.

*Shrug* I've pretty much spent most of my life living with my mom. With occasional visits spent at various relatives houses, and in the current day, visits spent at my one RL friend's house. One short period living with my gran (mom's mom). But my mom has always known I'm different; we just didn't get the label(s) until I was around 16. (Trust me, I'm surprised it toke them all so long; it wasn't for lack of effort trying to figure it out on their part.).

I lived with my whole family throughout my entire life. My older brother was born 5 years before me. My sister was born 4 years after me. My younger brother was born 6 years after me. My house was very busy. My older brother was always into trouble when we were growing up. My dad was always at work and my mother was always working and taking care of my younger siblings. I was kind of the quiet, shy, and lonely child. I just did whatever as long as it didn't bother my parents. I was the type of child who wanted to please everybody. I was 6 years old at the time Asperger's syndrome become recognized as a diagnosable disorder, and during my school-age years, teachers and and such weren't looking out for such conditions. I suppose I was just considered odd and lazy by my teachers. I didn't want to do homework, yet I did very well on math, science, and spelling. I recall numerous times when my 1st-3rd grade teacher called me out for daydreaming during class.

As my older brother was continuing to get into trouble when he reached high school, and as my younger sister was starting kindergarten, we moved out to the suburbs of Chicago into a bigger house. I was in 4th grade at the time and I remember being intimidated by the new public school system I was entering. (before then I went to catholic school). The suburban kids were all very different from the people I was used to in the city. I continued to not care that much about school all the way up until high school.

When my brother got to high school, he started hanging out with the wrong crowd and got involved in drugs and what not. He got into serious trouble with the law. Being 12 year old, I just did as I always did, which was minded my own business to keep my parents happy during times like such. My parents didn't really have the time to enforce rules such as doing homework before using the computer and/or playing video-games, so I didn't bother with it either.

As a teenager, I didn't really have any close relationships. I was very much socially inept and had a difficult time relating with age-peers. During family gatherings and parties I enjoyed the company of the adults in my family. I learned how to speak like an adult by listening to them and spending time with them.

During my late teenage years, at the age of 16, I had a mental breakdown, which caused me to withdraw from social interactions. My grades dropped and my ability to communicate had been completely nullified. I went for psychological help when I was 18, shortly before I graduated from high school.

I am 21 now, and I'm living a comfortable life. Family issues have been resolved and so have most of my psychological issues. I am attending college currently and I'm planning on continuing my education after I receive my 4 year degree.

I am the youngest of four, but was born so long after my siblings that I am what I've seen refered to as a "pseudo-only" child. There weren't many kids around when I was growing up. We lived next door to my aunt and uncle and my grandparents. My mother was often depressed and my father was disabled from emphysema. Their parenting style was great for me since they pretty much left me on my own outside of mealtimes and necessary trips. I had a good relationship with my dad. I remember him holding the National Geographics that had anything at all about Greek, South American or Indus Valley archaeology for me so we could read them together. We also shared the vocabulary quizzes from the Reader's Digest because I loved words. My parents were happily married and stayed that way until my dad died from lung cancer when I was twenty-two.

There were a lot of books in the house and I spent a lot of time reading. For a couple of years, I shared a bedroom with my neice, who is only about four years younger than me. We also had woods behind the house and I spent time running in them. I had a small loop I would run on for hours at a time after school. I didn't have many friends in school, but I did have a group of kids I sort of hung out on the outskirts of, mainly because we were all in the honors classes together. I didn't see any of them outside of school, mainly because it didn't occur to me to do so. I got married at eighteen.

Regards,

Patricia