First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

Post Reply New Topic

Speaking of putting things in a file and keeping them, I hope the mods sticky this thread.

I think you're right and I should write this down for my daughter. I have a feeling that when she's in highschool she won't want to listen to ANYTHING I say, but she might be wrilling to read what I wrote.

Maybe make a hard copy folder with the questions and their answers, and have it around the house for her to look at if she wants to, when she wants to. How old is she now?

Now she is 10. So I have maybe 2 or 3 years left that she will actually listen to me. I completely stopped listening to my Mother at age 13 but was still willing to read books she gave me. I resumed listening in my early 20's. I like the idea of printing things and putting them in a folder. Even now, she will look at things lying around the house if I'm not in the room but as soon as I come into the room she puts down whatever it was as though she was never interested.

I think a folder is better than a notebook because you'll probably want to add to the folder as she grows up, since some things may not be appropriate or relevant to younger ages, becoming relevant and appropriate at later stages of her life. She can even know it as "the folder where you keep the advice you gave other Aspies who found it extremely useful", she can know where it is on the shelf, and consult it at her own will.

Thank you Janissy. I've got to be doing something wrong. I meet people (not in their hundreds because I'm not very outgoing) and I CAN get on with people in modest numbers, but although I seldom fall out with anyone I don't ever develop lasting friendships. I'm not still in touch with anyone at all from school or college or anywhere I ever used to work in the past.

The watering the plant example is very helpful though. I'll try to follow your advice. I don't know how well I'll manage because social calls, small talk and chit chat doesn't come naturally to me. It never occurs to me to make a call just to see how someone is (unless I knew they were ill or something). I'll have try hard not to make it too obvious that I'm using calendar reminders!

I agree that it might be good for this thread to be stickied for a while.

One to the NTs:

Why is it that when I call someone "rude" for telling me a "white lie", they don't react hurt or surprised? Eg of white lie in this case: "I'll be too busy with a project in the next few weeks so I won't be answering any emails."

That's a tough one but I'll take a try at it anyway. Do they react like they've been caught? I have actually said "oh ha! You just don't want to talk to me" a couple times. Some people react with surprise but more often they act caught out. White lies are one of those face saving gestures that avoid confrontation. But if you call somebody on it (call them rude, for example) then the confrontation is no longer avoided. They can give in or they can fight you (argue with you) or they can act caught out. But they won't actually be hurt because they know it's a lie and any surprise they have (which won't be often) is just surprise at being caught out.

Hi Monkey
,
I am NT & a mom of a very high functioning 17 yr old Aspie boy. I think I can tell, also after a few minutes of either talking to or observing. I have though worked in the public school system as a special ed aide working with Aspie boys

The thread is stickied! Cool!

I bet I would evade you. Although if you asked enough of the right questions, you might at least have a suspicion.

I would evade, as well. 56 years of hiding in plain sight can give you a polish. Even though the veneer is micro inches thick, it is flexible and covers pretty well.

When I watched that video that you posted of you and others clogging I could feel that you are different from watching you. I don't know what my intuition was picking up on. I suppose someone watching me would probably feel something odd in me too.

I read, on your blog, that you are INTJ. I expect that if I encountered you IRL, I would notice that in you right off, but not that you are an aspie, or perhaps not at first. Many who are INTJ have their own unique feel to me. Its kind of like I send a probe into the person, and I am expecting to feel something, some kind of hook I guess, and it's not there. I speculate that what I am feeling is INTJs use of strong boundary as if I am feeling impeded in my effort to feel past the person's veneer.

Janissy, but if the white lie teller knows that the other person prefers a white lie (this is a tacit agreement in NT society), then why isn't he surprised/hurt when the receiver calls him rude for doing it?

What does that mean, "the thread is stickied"?

Different from the other 7 cloggers, you mean? Or just different in general? I mean, it could be that it's because I'm clogging. Or that I hunch over because I'm tall.


Wow, can you talk a bit more about the INTJ "strong boundary"? I have a feeling that I have a very strong boundary that's situationally based. If a situation falls within my boundary, I let people in almost immediately and don't have to act. People within my boundary think I'm easy-going, approachable, friendly, and compassionate. If a situation falls outside my boundary, I come off as cold, uncaring, and distant.