Never getting to go to college .

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Link me to this crap


How are you finding it anyway?

I just registered on Twitter, and searched for anyone named Walter L Lilly.

Then hit follow.

He doesn't write much, but it's there.

So, I am picturing some fat creepy looking guy who really likes comics......im shuddering....


I dunno....im gonna google this creep and see if I can dig up more links

I've certainly wasted enough time on him.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that investing time in someone else in order to help them is a waste of time. I do think that he has wasted our time.

I'm drained by the experience and don't want anymore to do with him.

You know, I live 15 minutes from Berkeley. I think ASS-P should be on the lookout for me stepping off a AC Transit/Muni bus or BART train. I think my size 9 Uggs or my size 10E Red Wings would like to have a word or two with him...

Hyde St. is in the Tenderloin. Not a nice part of SF by any means.

There was actually a guy that did that here on the train. I was going to work a year ago and there was this man who was having a meltdown. He was asking for money ($1.75) so he can get food and no one gave him any, he got louder and louder and then he finally threatened to kill himself if he doesn't eat. That got a reaction out of people and they gave him a negative one. I thought that was so pathetic of him and I stopped feeling sorry for him even though I felt scared and tense. Finally the teen across from me gave him some money and the young woman who was sitting diagonal from me started screaming at him calling him homeless and telling him he doesn't want food he wants drugs and then she said to me she knows a homeless person when she sees one because they smell and he just wants drugs.

Yeah the whole thing was an act because right when he got his money, he stopped and never got off the train. He seemed normal than unstable. Even when the train arrived at the airport he still never went inside to get food. he just hung out in the smoking area with his other buddies. I had suspected it was an act considering how he was all of a sudden back to normal and never getting off the train for food or going inside for food. Who knows, maybe he was going to get food later and the money was for to get food but he didn't need food now but wanted the money for it when he needs it. After all it was late at night so lot of food places were closed so it be hard to find a place to eat. He would need a Seven Eleven or a gas station or that bakery place that is open 24 hours inside the airport. My mom think it was an act and my husband thought so too when I told them about it. Even someone online said that too. It was called manipulation.

Uh 60 pounds is overweight for a six year old?

If that was true, ASS-P's wouldn't be here now. And the fact he can't type worth a damn is a dead giveaway he's playing people here.

Honestly, I can actually think of ways even the best research could be false. I show up on the internet as having offices in 3 different locations, after all, two of which are more than 12 years old. Fixer_Girl had every right to do research before putting herself out so far, and anyone considering sending money needed to know the potential that something was off, but there cannot be enough actual knowledge here to start issuing threats.

I will ask Alex if we can put something in the TOS that prohibits asking direct or indirectly for financial assistance. That is the solution for the boards that I think is most appropriate. It was mentioned before and he seemed to be agreeable, but somehow it just didn't happen. I will see if I can get that last step through.

I do wish I had just never opened the thread. I would have enjoyed the fairytale ending, as much as I never really expected it; I do not enjoy this one.

He's posted on some other forum with a similar (but slightly more readable) writing style for several years, and most of his posts are about things he seems to be genuinely obsessed with.

My guess is he's just a really... troubled person rather than a scammer with an actual plan.

could he be a schizophrenic or have some other mental disorder along those lines?

Is that address for real?

After reading this thread, I am shocked.

Erm, I don't like people scamming, however, there is no need for threats.

As for his addresses being posted online, there is no way for any of us to know what is current address is.

I'm not even sure if it's legal to be throwing people's contact details around.

I think we should close this thread before things get out of hand.

I really don't want to have anything more to do with this situation.

Fixer Girl.....thanks for this info, but i've been through this already a long time ago. I do not meet the official dx criteria for Asperger's or any other formally-accepted autistic spectrum disorder. I have undergone six full neuropsychological evaluations (which didn't include any neuroimaging) and two other professionally-administered IQ tests to boot.

I pretty much know what my issues are in terms of SOME aspects of my cognition and probably all aspects of my socio-emotional functioning. I KNOW my processing speed is in the low average range and on some IQ tests....it was just on the cusp of borderline. My working memory/short-term memory is fine and maybe even a bit above-average. My executive functioning is impaired and most of the neuropsychs who've assessed me believe I have some frontal lobe deficits (based upon my performance on tests like the Halstead-Reitan and maybe specfically the "category test" on that particular neuropsychological battery) though they cannot tell me anything about the exact origin, nature, or extent of these deficits.

Also....my motor skills are poor and I have always had pretty bad hand tremors. In short...I basically fit into Dr. Byron Rourke's criteria for the NLD/NVLD syndrome. I am pretty much "classic" NLD complete with most, if not all, the attendant socio-emotional deficits. Since NLD/NVLD is not an officially-accepted mental disorder, I have been dx-ed with either LD-NOS or Mathematics Disorder on all but one of the neuropsych evals i've undergone. I received neither of these dx-es (and no LD diagnosis at all) on the neuropsych eval I had in 2006. AFAIK...this was because all of my IQ scores (full scale, verbal and performance) were quite high on the particular WAIS I took during that evaluation and based upon this, the neuropsychologist did not feel a learning disability diagnosis was warranted. My verbal score was 155 on that WAIS, my performance was 111 and these scores combined yielded a Full-Scale IQ score of 143. Even the performance score was in the high average range. Still....the neuropsych's refusal to give me an LD diagnosis on this eval just proves that he knows nothing about NLD/NVLD.


http://www.nld-bprourke.ca/BPRA10.html

It is immaterial whether or not both the verbal and performance scores are above the norm when it comes to NLD. The Full Scale score is even more meaningless in this respect. Rather, what matters is the discrepancy between the VIQ/PIQ scores (and mine here was 44 points....that's pretty uncommon) and even more importantly, the pattern of scores on the various subtests. Furthermore....there is alot of controversy, even among professionals, as to whether NLD/NVLD and Asperger's are one and the same disorder or not. Suffice it to say I have mixed feelings about all that and it's all too complicated and speculative to enter into now. Anyway....my IQ scores have been all over the place over the years. I usually score within the superior-very superior range on Verbal and anywhere from the borderline to high average range on performance. Only two things are constant when it comes to my IQ test results; (and i've taken eight professionally-administered IQ tests in my life)

The gap between my VIQ/PIQ scores (ALWAYS in favor of VIQ) and my pattern of performance on the subtests. That pattern fits the NLD profile almost perfectly per Rourke's (and he is considered the leading NLD authority) classification.

I recently tried to get accepted into the autism research study at the University of Pittsburgh. After several months of believing I was a good candidate (even though they knew I was never dx-ed with an OFFICIAL autism spectrum disorder), they rejected me when I actually arrived in Pittsburgh and took the ADOS test in their offices at the university. I just didn't meet their diagnostic cut-offs for the study. Now the whole reason I tried to get accepted into this study in the first place is because fMRI studies were included in it. While the fMRI's themselves probably wouldn't tell me anything about the "exceptionally debilitating" problems I believe I may have which i've been referring to all along, (more about them momentarily), STRUCTURAL MRI images were likely available in this study as well. I assume these structural images would be from a whole-brain analysis MRI, but I have no formal expertise in this area, thus I really can't say for certain.


While the researchers in this study likely wouldn't have told me anything about these structural images, they surely would if any gross abnormalities were detected. Considering the potential problems that i'm speaking of....I can't rule out any gross abnormalities in areas of my brain associated with these problems with 100% certitude.


Now on to the one aspect of my cognition which I feel has not been adequately addressed by anyone, including all the neuropsychologists i've been evaluated by and they admit that much at least. I have strong reasons to believe I have some rare, extremely severe, incongruous and terribly debilitating impairments in my memory. It would take me too much typing (and i've already done much already and there's still quite a bit more to come....sorry ) to explain WHY I believe I have these serious memory deficits, but i'm all-but 100% convinced that they are real meaning that they do have a neurological origin rather than just some "somatoform" one which i've unintentionally exaggerated, or even, wholly imagined.


I believe these problems are mainly ones with LONG-TERM semantic and episodic memory ("declarative" memory) as well as procedural memory (a type of "implicit" memory.)



The thing is.....I have NEVER been told I have any memory problems whatsoever except for some fairly mild deficits in visual memory which are exceedingly common for people with NLD and Asperger's anyway. In fact...ALL aspects (again...beyond visual memory) of my memory are supposedly normal or even above-average/superior according to every neuropsychological memory test i've ever taken. Nevertheless and notwithstanding....it seems entirely possible for people to have serious problems with memory (at least when it comes to long-term/very long-term memory) which simply go undetected by all the conventional neuropsychological memory tests which are usually the only ones available in the average clinical setting.

This article from the Oxford Journal of Neurology appears to confirm my thoughts here and I was having them long before I read this. Also....the neuropsychologist who just assessed me in June agreed with me and told me it's very possible for me (or anyone else) to have severe problems with memory (again...at least LT memory) which elude the standard memory tests most of us have access to. This article pretty much explains why certain long-term memory impairments might "fly under the radar" of the conventional neuropsychological memory tests (like Wechsler Memory Scale for one example.):

http://brain.oxfordjournals.org/content/123/3/472.full


Also...here's what Dr. Rourke had to say about NLD and memory. I really don't know if this is true, since most people (with very few exceptions....in fact I may be the only exception i'm aware of in this respect) i've encountered with NLD don't seem to complain of any memory problems at all aside from the ones commonly associated with the NLD syndrome and Asperger's (short-term/working memory deficits and visual memory deficits.)





http://www.nld-bprourke.ca/Content_Dynamics.html



I have researched all this as far as the science can take me without the slightest formal qualifications in neurology, neuropsychology, cognitive science, etc.....All I have is a million theories and no conclusions when it comes to the memory impairments I believe I have. Without going into detail, I believe these problems have had a far greater negative impact on almost all aspects of my life then any other neurological/psychological problems i've been dx-ed with whether we're talking about NLD, Schizotypal/Schizoid personality disorder, anxiety, (been dx-ed with all of these on at least one of the neuropsych evals i've undergone in my life), etc....combined.

I have no idea if these memory problems (assuming they're neurologically-based) are associated with NLD/white matter abnormalities or not. I have been trying to get to the bottom of this for years and it's been a living hell. I am no closer now to discovering the reality, (or lack thereof), origin/s, extent, etc.....of these issues than I was when started to notice them around ten or so. The professionals can't tell me anymore about them than I can ascertain on my own (and obviously I haven't ascertained much) and nobody else seems to have much insight into them either. I have every reason to believe they've profoundly and negatively impacted me in school, work, my passions/hobbies, potential talents, (like music/guitar-playing) etc.... far more than any defacto learning disability, emotional/psychological problems, etc.....I possess have.

Hence the entire reason i've been seeking access to neuroimaging (either an structual MRI or a PET scan) for several years now. I feel it is the only hope I have (faint though it may be considering the current limitations of this technology and the complexities of human brain and human memory to boot) in determining the reality, origins, etc....of these memory problems I strongly believe I have and even more importantly, learning what, if anything, can be done to improve my memory, if not optimize it.


I also believe my procedural memory is impaired for various reasons. For one thing....I think my guitar-playing greatly suffers because I have trouble playing "effortlessly" like many musicians seem to be able to do if you get my meaning. I have to consciously focus on almost everything i'm playing and I still make constant mistakes (but much of this is explained by my poor and likely, NLD-associated, motor skills.) I can't seem to remember solos and more complex pieces of music with many changes and lots of chords no matter how hard I try. Idk if i've been going about it the wrong way all these years or what...but I just have a great deal of trouble retaining much of what I "learned" on guitar. Now this might have nothing to do with procedural memory per say, but it seems I must compensate with declarative memory (which involves a conscious effort unlike procedural memory) if I want to play anything even half-way correctly.

There have been several studies which suggest that procedural memory is often impaired in people with autism spectrum disorders and this is likely indicative of abnormalities in the cerebellum (since procedural memory is largely, if not entirely, governed by the cerebellum). I'm not sure if the same may be true for those with NLD.... but I suppose it's possible. The thing is....I have bad hand tremors and these are likely due to some impairments in my cerebellum.


Anyway...this post has been insanely long and i'm very sorry for that. I will contact this research study, but I honestly don't think it will be very helpful in my particular case. I have contacted countless studies which were asking for research participants with memory disorders. None would accept me. For one thing...they were all out-of-state (there are no memory disorder studies currently in Florida AFAIK) and most would not accept out-of-town participants. The ones that did were looking for people with DIAGNOSED memory disorders (which I lack obviously) and/or those with age-related memory disorders like Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia. I have also contacted many autism research studies which included some form of neuroimaging in the study and none would except me (save the one in Pittsburgh which ultimately rejected me anyway long before I had a chance to undergo any MRI's) for similar reasons. It's pretty hard when you're an idiosyncratic outlier with none of the more relevant, common and formally-accepted mental disorder dx-es. Heck...I feel that I at least should've received a PDD-NOS dx by now, but apparently, the neuropsychs who've tested me do not agree. I know of no research studies which are specifically looking for participants with NLD/NVLD. I'm not even concerned with that anyway.....I already have pretty good objective (not to mention my own self-diagnosis of NLD which, for intents and purposes, came long before any neuropsychs ever told me I exhibit most of the characteristics of the NLD syndrome) confirmation for NLD. Again....it's these "occult" and undiagnosed memory deficits which i'm really seeking objective confirmation for if indeed they have a neurological basis in the first place.

I know of no better way of determining the existence, nature, etc...of these problems than neuroimaging. Still....if I have any hope at all of neuroimaging being the answer here, it must be very specific neuroimaging which is focused on the regions of the brain associated with memory (like the hippocampus, temporal/frontal lobes, etc.....). It would have to be either a whole-brain structural MRI, a region-only analysis MRI or a PET (perhaps a specific type of PET scan if there even is more than one type....I know very little about PET scans). Those who administer the scan/s or at least, those who interpret the results, would have to know what it is they're looking for as well. IOW.....just any ole' MRI (and maybe PET too) scan of my brain won't do in my case and probably, many others.

Finding a research study which can offer me such a thing is likely out of the question and believe me, i've tried for years now. Still....I will contact the study you mentioned just for the hell of it and you never know, maybe they'll surprise me. Thank you very much for that info!! ! I need all the info I can get in this regard as i'm still bound and determined to receive the kind of neuroimaging I need and get to the bottom of this very strange and very troubling problem. A problem which has plagued me most of my life beyond all other problems i've dealt with. A problem which I earnestly believe has been the greatest hindrance for me in terms of becoming a person even remotely as amazing as yourself with all these advanced engineering degrees you possess and all the other talents and accomplishments you can boast

Take care for now and sorry about this titanic reply.