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This changes EVERYTHING for me, I have lots of hope now !

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MidlifeAspie
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20 Jan 2011, 6:50 pm

gator_fan wrote:

Now maybe you are getting somewhere. My anxiety seems to have been increasing over time.

But I think I am also an Aspie. And I think for me their is a strong relationship between the two problems for me. When I reduce my anxiety I believe I am less Aspie like. Whether this is deliberate on my part or a natural consequence is worth debating and I'm sure I am deliberately trying to relate to people because I am trying to make up for lost time and also tired of flaming out with everyone and everything


Yes. If you changed your assertion to "now I have less anxiety" and left Aspergers out entirely I don't think anyone would have given you an ounce of crap. :)



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20 Jan 2011, 6:52 pm

gator_fan wrote:
I don't get your question, which word do you not understand ? If you think there are no common characteristics among Aspies then state your case.

Oh, I understand the individual words perfectly well.
It's the "one size fits all" conceptual wrapper of "Aspie-ness" and the way you're using it which is too general for meaning, for me.
It's like a reference to a shade of green that can be dimmed to a darker shade of green.
But it's never just one colour in reality, is it?


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MidlifeAspie
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20 Jan 2011, 6:53 pm

tall-p wrote:
MidlifeAspie wrote:
tall-p wrote:
gator_fan wrote:
How do you know that no one moves very far ?

I'm old. I wear my trousers rolled.


Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.

You sir, are excellent :)

:) thanks for the kind words.


One of my absolute favorites. Thanks for making me think about it - I was having a crappy day until then :)



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20 Jan 2011, 6:53 pm

Cornflake wrote:
gator_fan wrote:
OK, when it comes to making me interested in the little ins and outs and making a reacting to facial gestures I must confess that it doesn't do that directly HOWEVER, it creates enough calmness and patience in my world that I have the ability to focus more on these aspects. In other words, I'm not so anxious to get my 2 cents in or direct the conversation towards something that is to my interest which allows me plenty of "free time" to focus on things like other peoples interests.

(Ok, partially answers my earlier question)

But my socializing difficulties have nothing to do with being calm/not calm about it - I simply don't see and/or understand most social routines and related facial stuff, even if I'm already perfectly calm.
I don't get them not because I'm not calm - I simply don't get them, and I can already focus on them as much as I want, to the point of tears and frustration - but I still don't get them.


I don't know whether I get them either or whether I can explain that its necessary BUT I have been told that I hurt peoples feelings AND I have had enough of this.

Maybe it doesn't matter whether you or I can GET them but I think to be successful you have to be able to FEEL them.



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20 Jan 2011, 6:55 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
Cornflake wrote:

But my socializing difficulties have nothing to do with being calm/not calm about it - I simply don't see and/or understand most social routines and related facial stuff, even if I'm already perfectly calm.
I don't get them not because I'm not calm - I simply don't get them, and I can already focus on them as much as I want, to the point of tears and frustration - but I still don't get them.


This is my point. The OP doesn't actually understand Aspergers and thinks it is some kind of Anxiety Disorder. This is why there has been such a disconnect. He feels less anxious (which is an attribute I can entirely believe) and has been calling that "less-Aspie". We all know that there is no drug, tea or therapy that makes anyone "less-Aspie".

:roll: I spend far too long editing my responses and miss this new stuff coming in - but yes, I agree.
And the post I finally completed pretty much agrees with yours in this aspect.


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tall-p
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20 Jan 2011, 6:56 pm

gator_fan wrote:
OK, when it comes to making me interested in the little ins and outs and reacting to facial gestures I must confess that it doesn't do that directly HOWEVER, it creates enough calmness which gives rise to patience so I have the ability to focus more on these things. In other words, I'm not so anxious to get my 2 cents in or direct the conversation towards something that is to my interest/benefit which allows me plenty of "free time" to focus on things like other peoples interests.

I wouldn't say I have become any sort of master of people skills nor do I think I will ever be; what I am saying is that now I have a fighting chance at not flaming out in every possible way in 95% of the personal interactions I have with others.

I feel like I am on more even footing with most folks and that the line has shifted, even if just a bit. Let's say I was in the bottom 5% in terms of people skills. Maybe now I have the ability to achieve the bottom 10% or even 20 %.

Like others have suggested... Apergers isnt an anxiety disorder. Feeling less Aspie-like doesn't equate with feeling less anxiety... or feeling calm. I personally get anxious at a party say because I don't think I understand what the heck is going on. If Im talking at this party, I can't tell if anyone cares or is even paying attention. If I am listening I often can't follow the story, or how the person actually feels about the story... and when to join in with a comment is always a problem. It seems to me when I do join in that what I said was a total buzz-kill. Off point? Boring? My voice gave me away? My face? My gawky posture?


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20 Jan 2011, 6:57 pm

Cornflake wrote:
gator_fan wrote:
I don't get your question, which word do you not understand ? If you think there are no common characteristics among Aspies then state your case.

Oh, I understand the individual words perfectly well.
It's the "one size fits all" conceptual wrapper of "Aspie-ness" and the way you're using it which is too general for meaning, for me.
It's like a reference to a shade of green that can be dimmed to a darker shade of green.
But it's never just one colour in reality, is it?


Yes, it's complicated. If he had it he would understand. I am sure we all have experience in trying to explain AS to an NT and getting nowhere. Why try again today? :lol:



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20 Jan 2011, 6:58 pm

gator_fan wrote:
Mysty wrote:
gator_fan wrote:
But I am honest to a fault, that's who I am. And I swear to anyone that will listen or read this that I have had several periods since I started drinking this stuff where I feel much less Aspie-like. And I'm also saying that that's a good thing.


I think you'll get farther with the folks here if, instead of saying you feel less-Aspie-like, you are more specific and talk about what specifically you feel less of. Many people here don't think of "less Aspie" as a good thing.


Don't hate on me but once you've think you've tasted the offerings from the "good plate" you will realize you've been feeding on shat from the other plate.

Just saying.

Who here also thinks that they have seen the other side, even if they only caught a fleeting glimpse ?


Don't hate on you? I was giving you friendly advice. I'm disappointed that you've chosen to interpret that as an attack. It wasn't.

You've also done the opposite of what I suggested.


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Last edited by Mysty on 20 Jan 2011, 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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20 Jan 2011, 6:59 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
Cornflake wrote:

But my socializing difficulties have nothing to do with being calm/not calm about it - I simply don't see and/or understand most social routines and related facial stuff, even if I'm already perfectly calm.
I don't get them not because I'm not calm - I simply don't get them, and I can already focus on them as much as I want, to the point of tears and frustration - but I still don't get them.


This is my point. The OP doesn't actually understand Aspergers and thinks it is some kind of Anxiety Disorder. This is why there has been such a disconnect. He feels less anxious (which is an attribute I can entirely believe) and has been calling that "less-Aspie". We all know that there is no drug, tea or therapy that makes anyone "less-Aspie".


No, I don't understand Aspergers and I would like to learn more.

If you are trying to get me on a technical argument then fine, you could be correct. But I think I have already written that ad-naseum and if you want me to bow down to all of you that are more technically correct than me then consider this a formal bow down.

How many of you lurk in these forums trying to correct people on technicalities rather than try and uncover something worthwhile ?



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20 Jan 2011, 7:01 pm

Quote:
:roll: I spend far too long editing my responses and miss this new stuff coming in - but yes, I agree.
And the post I finally completed pretty much agrees with yours in this aspect.

I just had the same experience! lol ... for the same reason!


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Last edited by tall-p on 20 Jan 2011, 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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20 Jan 2011, 7:02 pm

Mysty wrote:
gator_fan wrote:
Mysty wrote:
gator_fan wrote:
But I am honest to a fault, that's who I am. And I swear to anyone that will listen or read this that I have had several periods since I started drinking this stuff where I feel much less Aspie-like. And I'm also saying that that's a good thing.


I think you'll get farther with the folks here if, instead of saying you feel less-Aspie-like, you are more specific and talk about what specifically you feel less of. Many people here don't think of "less Aspie" as a good thing.


Don't hate on me but once you've think you've tasted the offerings from the "good plate" you will realize you've been feeding on shat from the other plate.

Just saying.

Who here also thinks that they have seen the other side, even if they only caught a fleeting glimpse ?


Don't hate on you? I was giving you friendly advice. I'm disappointed that you've chosen to interpret that as an attack. It wasn't.


Agreed and I apologize. You were offering friendly advice.


[i]



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20 Jan 2011, 7:02 pm

gator_fan wrote:
Cornflake wrote:
gator_fan wrote:
OK, when it comes to making me interested in the little ins and outs and making a reacting to facial gestures I must confess that it doesn't do that directly HOWEVER, it creates enough calmness and patience in my world that I have the ability to focus more on these aspects. In other words, I'm not so anxious to get my 2 cents in or direct the conversation towards something that is to my interest which allows me plenty of "free time" to focus on things like other peoples interests.

(Ok, partially answers my earlier question)

But my socializing difficulties have nothing to do with being calm/not calm about it - I simply don't see and/or understand most social routines and related facial stuff, even if I'm already perfectly calm.
I don't get them not because I'm not calm - I simply don't get them, and I can already focus on them as much as I want, to the point of tears and frustration - but I still don't get them.


I don't know whether I get them either or whether I can explain that its necessary BUT I have been told that I hurt peoples feelings AND I have had enough of this.

Maybe it doesn't matter whether you or I can GET them but I think to be successful you have to be able to FEEL them.

:? Nope, sorry. Makes no sense to me.
You must know if you get them or not - it's pretty simple and there's no "don't know whether I get them either" about it. That's just mis-phrasing what I'd said and losing the meaning of it in the process.
And if you don't get them in the first place they can have no meaning or feeling - which is really the whole point I think you're missing.


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20 Jan 2011, 7:04 pm

gator_fan wrote:
How many of you lurk in these forums trying to correct people on technicalities rather than try and uncover something worthwhile ?

Bingo. We have a winner.
That reveals much more than you realise.


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20 Jan 2011, 7:06 pm

tall-p wrote:
Quote:
:roll: I spend far too long editing my responses and miss this new stuff coming in - but yes, I agree.
And the post I finally completed pretty much agrees with yours in this aspect.

I just had the same experience! lol ... for the same reason!

:lol: Heh. Hopeless, isn't it? What a way to hold a conversation... :roll:


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20 Jan 2011, 7:09 pm

tall-p wrote:
gator_fan wrote:
OK, when it comes to making me interested in the little ins and outs and reacting to facial gestures I must confess that it doesn't do that directly HOWEVER, it creates enough calmness which gives rise to patience so I have the ability to focus more on these things. In other words, I'm not so anxious to get my 2 cents in or direct the conversation towards something that is to my interest/benefit which allows me plenty of "free time" to focus on things like other peoples interests.

I wouldn't say I have become any sort of master of people skills nor do I think I will ever be; what I am saying is that now I have a fighting chance at not flaming out in every possible way in 95% of the personal interactions I have with others.

I feel like I am on more even footing with most folks and that the line has shifted, even if just a bit. Let's say I was in the bottom 5% in terms of people skills. Maybe now I have the ability to achieve the bottom 10% or even 20 %.

Like others have suggested... Apergers isnt an anxiety disorder. Feeling less Aspie-like doesn't equate with feeling less anxiety... or feeling calm. I personally get anxious at a party say because I don't think I understand what the heck is going on. If Im talking at this party, I can't tell if anyone cares or is even paying attention. If I am listening I often can't follow the story, or how the person actually feels about the story... and when to join in with a comment is always a problem. It seems to me when I do join in that what I said was a total buzz-kill. Off point? Boring? My voice gave me away? My face? My gawky posture?



Same experiences here for me.

But who cares if I cannot separate the anxiety part from the Aspie part. How can you separate two problems that are so entangled with one another ?

Do you suggest then so as to stop pissing people here off that I first confirm that I am an Aspie and until then, cease and desist ?



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20 Jan 2011, 7:13 pm

gator_fan wrote:
No, I don't understand Aspergers and I would like to learn more.

If you are trying to get me on a technical argument then fine, you could be correct. But I think I have already written that ad-naseum and if you want me to bow down to all of you that are more technically correct than me then consider this a formal bow down.

How many of you lurk in these forums trying to correct people on technicalities rather than try and uncover something worthwhile ?

I'm thinking that perhaps you have some anxiety problems... and probably not Aspergers. Just guessing of course, but you do seem to want to win some argument here, yet no one is arguing with you. That's not really Aspie like. Just speaking for myself but I hate arguing. I have no points to make. I like to share stuff that fascinates me... and that I have spent way too much time on... and then it turns out that I am boring them to death.

No one is trying to make you wrong here. We are deconstructing :) what you have offered... to the 'enth degree.


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