Adults with Aspergers Seem 'Normal' to Me

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Wow long thread is long.

I can have good days when socialising but it's a very tiring process. I normally don't follow scripts or try to be a socially engaging as possible, but it is still hard. I'm not very interested in what people have to talk about and most times they're not interested in what I have to talk about. I have picked up on some social skills but still don't quite get body language or what people are really meaning, don't get sarcasm, need to force some sort of concern out of me when the emotion isn't there it's all very exhausting.
The lack of interest in socialising has given me a lack of social skills. I just don't get the same enjoyment out of it compared to other people. It's kind of like having to speak another language with people that know it fluently and you've only read a few pages of a phrase book. I've got the greeting down, how to say I'm feeling unwell and 'yes' and 'no'. But I don't know enough to have a conversation or keep one going. It's not that I don't have the knowledge but the way my brain works is it just doesn't know how to join in on a conversation that isn't about one of my interests.

The biggest problems are when disagreements happen or someone misinterprets what I say. I'm incapable of arguing. I feel such intense emotions that I can't get a single word out of my mouth, apart from when I have a meltdown when a lot of unintelligible words come out of my mouth.

And that's just socialising.

I actually do have the very severe sensory issues, the type where I'm in such pain that people know that I have problems in that area.

The worse part of being autistic is needing a routine in order to be organised and being really afraid of change.

I try not to label myself too. Sometimes I need it as a confidence booster but but I'm a lone wolf, even in a community.

I know I'm autistic because I am so intensely into my interests that I lose touch with reality. I actually think I have depersonalisation because I don't feel connected to anyone, though it's always been that way. It could be my sensory issues too. The world is just so busy and loud that I feel like I'm not even there. I've got my unbreakable routines, my very obvious stimming; I can at least keep the hand flapping inside the walls of my bedroom, and I have issues trying new things and communicating with people.

And I have other disorders which I'm medicated for. I think I've got a lot more problems though so I do feel I am disabled, even if people can't see it. I'm medicated mostly so people think I'm doing fine. I'm talkative on meds too even if I still don't understand the social rules. I have less sensory issues too. So people don't see me struggling, although, they've been times when I didn't take my medication when they got to witness what I can be like. Big massive crazy meltdowns of insanity, basically.

Nessa, it sounds to me as if you a bit a pissed off because others are getting help and you are not, and that is why you have rejected the label.

If you don't consider yourself disabled, why did you apply for DLA?

In another thread you started a support group for folk with AS but it didn't work out because they didn't want the same things from the group as you did. Why did you set that group up? Was it really to help others? Or was it to try to find some help for yourself? You might find it difficult to be honest with yourself about this...

I have difficulty considering myself disabled but I do accept it. I have a husband, a house and (part-time) job so as far as I am concerned, I'm not disabled ... but it turns out at that at this point in my life, I need significant help in order to sustain that because the strategies I was able to create for myself were not enough. I was off sick from work for 4 months as a result of my ASD difficulties eventually leading to a build up of stress that I could not manage. I'll clarify that it wasn't the type of work or the workload that caused this - it was my inability to communicate as expected with my colleagues and being in an physical environment in which I could not control the things that cause problems for me. My employer has been brilliant and made significant accommodations for me to enable me to come back to work and, hopefully, better manage my stress at work in future - nevertheless it has still been incredibly difficult to get back to my full duties and working hours ... I am just about getting there that is after 4 months of returning to work because in addition to the accommodations provided by my employer I have also had to build up new strategies that work for me and that takes time. I have not considered applying for DLA because even though I am disabled (according to my doctors - GP, Occupational Health doctor, and the NHS psychiatrist), I don't need that particular form of support at this time.

If you do need that kind of support, you may have to fight harder for it. That is part of helping yourself - helping yourself doesn't necessarily mean doing everything by yourself. I thought that's what it meant for 38 years and even after my ASD diagnosis I didn't ask for help - I thought that with confirmation of that the additional understanding would help me figure out how to stop things getting any worse than they already were. Asking for help at this time has been the hardest thing I've ever done and if I hadn't had a severe shutdown/meltdown at work - I couldn't speak or move - and if as a result of that a colleague hadn't arranged an emergency appointment with my GP and taken me straight there I'd never have done so. If I had asked for help earlier - and had the ability to fight for it (or found an advocate to help me do that) - I'd never have reached that state. So to reiterate: taking responsibility for helping yourself, doesn't mean doing everything by yourself.

I haven't bothered cutting and pasting all your relevant quotes into this message because it would be too long.

Nessa, are you aware of the UKs National Autism Services Directory? (I wasn't until I studied autism as part of my degree) It's a database of services available all over the UK, put together by the National Autistic Society. It isn't definitive, but it can be a good starting place. You can access it on the link below, to see what is available near you.

http://www.autism.org.uk/directory.aspx

I believe Sweetleaf might have taken my comment out of context, or she might have misread it. I did say that there are people with problems besides Asperger's. All I was saying is that Neurotypical is a general term that is used to apply to people who weren't diagnosed with Asperger's, that's all. I am aware of the fact that there are people who have issues besides Asperger's. I am also aware of the fact that there are people who were either undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. I'm sorry if she misunderstood. Plus, I'm not an expert on Asperger's. I'm just stating the facts that I have read on Asperger's in various sources and giving my opinion. Hope this clarifies things a bit.

This thread may no longer relate to me ( btw, can we keep the quoting functions to the minimum, having to re-read the entire thread over is tiring visually for me!! I am asking politely here) since I am more likely a true high-functioning Autistic than someone with AS. ( I suffered loss of speech for just under 2 years as a toddler).
Calling this an identity issue is somewhat offensive, I have several challenges more relevant to me than simply fitting in. Autism ( and AS) is much more than about one's identity. It is about not developing skills for social functioning, sensory issues, sleep problems. It is a Pervasive development disorder. It effects many things. If you think we are just a bunch of introverts under a different name, you have *NOT* done your homework!
I am sure confused about my parent's fear that I would need to be sent to a mental institution as a small kid, just because I have an identity crisis? Do Your homework before you make such an absurd & offensive remark..

Sincerely,
Matthew

For a lot of us, AS is not simply an identity issue.

As for distinguishing between "HFA" and "AS," a lot of researchers have failed to uncover a significant distinction in terms of presentation and life outcomes, so more people with an AS label are likely to effectively be in situations similar to Matt62's, despite early history.