It's confirmed: I must get undiagnosed: how?

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Now, it's just a matter of waiting for my professional to collect data and make a decision. I feel like maybe she is more objective than me.

Once the DSM V comes out, I will no longer qualify as autistic anyway and probably have to be placed in a PD category for the purposes of getting help.

to littlebee: I'm so sorry for not answering right away. I have a bad habit of running when emotions get too much. The migraine is creeping back today and I try to keep it at bay with tea and quiet. I'll send you a mail later concerning what you wrote, I hope that's ok?

Nothing seems to fit. The more I think about it, I have traits from several definable things, and all of them have a one major flaw as to what they don't fit. It's no wonder I have identity issues.

Is it possible to have Newson Syndrome with mild-to-subclinical demand-avoidant behaviors? It's like all the secondary stuff fits, but not the key definer. With Asperger's, it's the complete opposite. There's enough there to meet the core criteria, barely, but most of the secondary stuff does not fit.

Is it possible to have something where the very core of it is an identity disturbance? I wouldn't even know what to call this and am convinced it wouldn't matter. Anyway, I don't feel completely comfortable relying on a professional alone because I don't understand myself well, I'm complicated, and I often leave out key things and am very prone to forget behaviors, emotions, and behavior patterns. It's kind of important to be prepared ahead of time, or whacky stuff happens. It's hard to get a correct diagnosis or appropriate help with so many fluid traits.

I am the anti-hypochondriac. I want to get rid of most of the stuff with which I've been erroneously diagnosed and replace it with one or two things that just explain things coherently, or at least come up with something coherent that will point the way towards appropriate help. The jumble that I have simply confuses me, and I don't know where to start in terms of getting help.

Tyrion. what is the present and past situation with drug/and or alcohol abuse, if any.? (I have been around the block with that kind of thing myself and in general kind of walked on the wild side in some ways....

Also, if you listen to music what are some selected lyrics from your favorite songs if you can recall any....I think this would be a great clue to what may be the basic dynamic.

The point has been made by several people on this thread that a lot of these disorders can overlap, and I would like to add that this is true especially in the case of BPD.

Re getting a diagnosis, what is the reason why you are seeking help, aside from just wanting to be happier? I get the sense that there is a fear of going off the deep end. Re risks you have taken, it seems you were lucky, but what if, for example, you were to slip up and get into a fight while under the influence or whatever and end up in jail? Depending on how things went it could take things down a notch in terms of actualizing potential--such as if you had gotten a dishonorable rather than an honorable discharge from the army? I get a sense that there is feeling of invulnerability that you are on some level shaky about.....

Alcohol -- occasionally

Illegal drugs -- sometimes in the past but no longer

Two examples of my favorite songs reflecting different moods. One, non-sociopathic, depressed, emotional, and with high empathy (especially this rendition: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayZ0vzTAEVw). This video almost caused me to take a job offer with Deloitte in New York, but thankfully, I didn't.

Hey Tyrion, you have left a very rich and interesting message. I have not watched and/or listened to the links yet as I have no sound on this computer but will do so soon.... Are these your only two favorite songs? The whole lyrics in these was nice, but don't necessarily have to have that---only recalled snippets that have been your favorites....I have a lot because I am an amateur musician and have spent thousands of hours jamming, so can look at the lyrics of the material I have chosen to play over and over again in jams.

Re Newson's syndrome, that is a very nebulous set of symptoms. I do not see how looking at yourself from such a perspective will help you reach the root of anything. Imo on one level no one probably wants to reach the root of isr or her psychological disorder, including myself. The whole point of having such a disorder presumably built around repressed material is to NOT reach the root. This is why some kind of skillful means is required that is radically different from the general norm applied to supposedly solving such problem.I am not saying there is not some benefit possible from seeing a therapist, but a lot of it is bogus. People will believe in anything. If a person just has someone to really listen to him or her without giving any feedback at all, just active listening, this alone is probably enough to help many people.

You mentioned that you were sexually abused for several years as a child. I suppose this has nothing much to do with anything??? And who knows what else you have been through....the mention of the child sexual abuse only came out once in kind of casual conversation. People don;t even know what they have been through, especially in early childhood.

This self and social diagnosing interchange that is going on here could mean many things to you and also others besides simply trying to find a diagnosis for 'Tyrion'.... I think this thread is very interesting. You are a good facilitator.

One thing problematic about catalogs of various symptoms is that so many of these symptoms can be seen in so many people, and if we look at things from the angle of a particular diagnosis then it is kind of a natural bias to try to leave other symptoms out that don't fit in with a particular diagnosis.. That is the common nature of bias that can happen in accordance with trying to fit things into various frameworks. and conversely it is possible to miss seeing certain symptoms in oneself that would fit a certain diagnosis/ Also a person can use 'diagnosis' to kind of avoid a real diagnosis. That would be very easy to do. Anyway, shifting and flipping back and forth a lot can be a communication style that functions as a shield, while at the same time affecting some superficial but still gratifying form of socialization. People do it all the time. It is similar to small talk, though in this case not quite the same. I do not intend to discount the active thinking you are doing.

I don't know if you would care to share, but no one knows your real identity here, so I do not see why not. Anyway, what age range were you when you were sexually abused and who was it? A family member?

Also, how are your siblings doing? You said you were the oldest of 9 children as I recall...any of them have any problems?

Another question---when you do drink is it simple normal social drinking or do you get sometimes get drunk?

It sounds like your life is pretty much together now in many ways....is this really true?

Are you still engaged in risky behavior? Is this still an integral facet of your personality at this point in time? I suspect it may be.... One thing about risky behavior, it can be kind of thrilling....it is a way being on the edge and not going in either direction---in some ways something like sex before orgasm, so sustaining a vibrational quality.....

I hope some of my speculation is not too off the wall....

I had a psychiatric nurse who pretty much dismissed everything I was going through as all part of my Aspergers. My GP, on the other hand, prescribed me anti-depressants because he knew I had depression as well. I haven't had a formal diagnosis for depression and I kind of think I should have because I'm living with these symptoms untreated. Still, you should not have to get rid of a previous diagnosis. If you do honestly have ASD, then you can still be diagnosed with a personality disorder. There are loads of people on this forum with both.

Crumbs, I haven't posted anything on here for quite some time, but this thread sucked me in.

Tyri0n

Firstly, check out "Born on a Blue Day", the autobiography of Daniel Tammet. There is a nice example of someone clearly AS who moved abroad for several years on a whim.

Secondly, Personality disorders seem to be mostly applied to women and onset is usually in very late childhood / adolescence. No-one seems to have mentioned that yet, and you haven't been clear about when you felt these personality issues started. If you've always been like this, it points back towards a developmental disorder.

Thirdly, It's also normally a hard sell to tell someone they have a personality disorder. You seem to be accepting this a little too easily. It doesn't seem very typical of someone with a personality disorder to acknowledge it and start self-diagnosing against personality disorder checklists.

Fourthly, Don't ignore the mantra every aspie is different. There's some really garbled information out there about what AS is. The DSM is a manual for identifying childhood autism in 2-3 year olds and AS in 4-8 year olds, both of these syndromes look really different in older children and adults. Hand-flapping, savant skills, Echolalia, Lining up toys, hands on ears. meltdowns/tantrums, spinning things, are not common (but can and do happen) characteristics in AS and even less so in older children and adults. By less common I mean they may NEVER be seen in a person, not that they don't exhibit these behaviors often. It's a spectrum, and those features fade out the closer you get to neurotypicality and with age/development.

Fifthly, Unless your mother and ex are psychiatrists what can they possibly know about diagnosing personality disorders?

Jason.

I kind of had an epiphany. The times when I disparage those with whom I'm in a relationship. Actually, it's because they are a bad fit, and I know they are. It's not necessarily the same as Borderline motivation.

I don't like to be around most people, so when I find myself entangled in a relationship, 99% of the time, we are not compatible and I know it before she does so I (1) dump her on the spot (this has happened) or (2) I make her my project and try to "change" her into something I find more suitable.

My next to last GF was an autistic girl who had more autistic traits than I do and was lower-functioning socially on the surface (though much much higher beneath the surface), so this definitely explained a lot of my behavior. I wanted to change her. That's what it was.

This is an autistic symptom and actually probably fits well with Newson Syndrome but also other autistic concepts. We can't adapt to our environment, so we either switch environments or try to adapt our environment to us. Newson kids in particular try really hard to control their environment to make it more bearable while other autistics just withdraw. My BPD-type behavior could actually just be my Newson/PDD-NOS traits at work.

Maybe this could fit into NPD as well.

But this underscores the need for a correct diagnosis. If, perhaps, I am right, and I still get diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder whenever my therapist gets back to me, then the treatment or therapy prescribed for BPD--DBT--would actually be unsuitable if my behavior is, at its core, a function of my autism.

To the other poster, my mother is NOT a psychiatrist. However, I have been given multiple incorrect diagnoses over the years, so I have lost faith in psychiatry. I will not go to one unless I go armed and prepared, which I did when I went last week.

If it is actually autism, then what this may mean is that, rather than trying to change myself, I need to be more attuned to my needs and focus only on spending time in environments and around people who make me happy. This could require some drastic changes, like leaving Texas. But I want to do that anyway. Very badly.

Pretty good article linked below from someone on the spectrum.

Tyrion, I've come across more than a few individuals on the internet that tick all the symptoms below, and suggest they are autistic. Which is not out of the realm of possibility, as research shows Personality Disorders are very common among individuals with PDDNOS and Aspergers.

BPD, is one of the less frequent ones along with ASPD. The most common are OCD PD, Avoidant PD, Schizoid PD, Paranoid PD & Schizotypal PD.

In the research 2 Personality Disorders were assessed in 30 to 40% of individuals with PDDNOS and Asperger's, and over 60% assessed with 1 Personality Disorder.

Per this link: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt218441.html

As far as the symptoms listed below, at least in your written communication, you are one of the last people I have ever come across on the internet suggesting there were on a spectrum that I would suspect might have BPD.

Two traits you do illustrate more than anything in this thread is that you have an extreme amount of moral conscience of what is right and what is wrong, and you care about how other people feel. That is not uncommon among people diagnosed on the spectrum. A moral code and compassion does not require good Reciprocal Communication ability.

I take things literally and I can easily imagine myself with BPD, given the word alone, as I have always used a method of mimicking as an adaptation to social interaction, that is hard and takes a great deal of conscious effort but has worked for me to get me through life.

Sexual Abuse in childhood is associated with BPD, but it is also associated with many other types of personality disorders.

I see you as a very good person. I'm quite sure most people do, otherwise, there would not be 12 pages of responses from people who care about you and want to help.

Perhaps you cannot fully see that, which is not uncommon for people on the spectrum that have difficulty seeing the perspectives of others. That doesn't mean they don't try, and that doesn't mean they don't try so hard that they end up being more compassionate than most.

The most difficult part at times, at least for me in my life, was having compassion for myself.

At least, from your writing, that is what I see in you.

I wish I could tell you something that would help. It took me a long time to find a counselor that could help me. I eventually found one, like me who had the ability for great compassion for others, who at one point had no compassion for herself, but found a way out. Since then she has been helping many others. I suppose that is what it takes for some, a special root of perspective.

I understand that may be only one small issue of your assessed problems for yourself, if at all, but it is something that can be helped no matter how difficult things might look now. CBT is a good therapy, and the main therapy recommended to me as a person that tends to over-analyze everything. That can be okay, until one's self becomes the focus of analysis.

And, as an oh by the way, I recently became acquainted with a person who is close to being on the spectrum, with a child on the spectrum, who was misdiagnosed with BPD in teenage years. She has been in clinical practice helping many people with BPD, and has come to see many of the signs of that condition from people on the internet, seemingly seeking community in identifying with what has become an acceptable label for a disorder among some to identify with.

It never fully clicked fully for me, as I was sure I was not seeing ASPD and I was pretty sure I was not seeing NPD. However, after reading the selected symptoms below that is most often what I was seeing in written communication.

I have only come across one male fully exhibiting those symptoms in written communication, which is probably because the avenues I have crossed are not popular ones among males.

http://autismsd.com/borderline-personal ... nd-autism/