wp getting annoying

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Verdandi, you have obviously put a lot of effort into your two messages to me, out of a good motivation to helps others, and I do appreciate it.


I never said or meant any such thing about these threads not happening, and if I did, please point it out to me. I said the way she phrased her message was to me way over-generalized. I suppose I can see how this could if way stretched and interpreted to mean that these experiences did not really occur, but that is not what I was saying. I was more talking about a communication style and how it can shape ones thinking and maybe elicit an emotional affect...anyway, I did not even finish the message yet...and thanks for the links...I would love to read that material....

This is what I wrote, and even put it in bold so it would stand out in the message. :

That was a great thread, and I got a lot of insight from participating there-- one great big major insight about autism that greatly affected my own brain function like the sun burning away the clouds. I do mean to go back there and also maybe sometime write about what it personally helped me sort out within myself. It was very difficult for me to participate on that thread, but very interesting and greatly rewarding.

littlebee wrote:

and Jen replied:

Yes, I suppose this is what I am implying---that some people here are thinking that way. You think nol one is? Anyway, what would be an insult to K-O-R about that? I cannot discern such as being insulting.

Why would you say they are enabling her? What negative behavior is she showing?

I am really not up to cross talking about people, but I recall saying the same thing about you to W, that W was doing that, and you did not even jump to your own defense, so why are you jumping to the defense of K-O-R? Think she cannot defend herself, if any defense is even called for?
No. I have complimented her myself, as actually I am in some ways an admirer, as she knows, but it would depend on the context and tone of the compliment.

You seem to be so sure of so much.I have this wall plaque---forget the exact wording as it's in my storeroom, but it goes like this: "If you ever don't know something, ask a teenager because they know everything."
I do, too, in some respects, but this is enquiry and I see some wrong ideas mixed in with the thinking of various people, as there are surely some wrong ideas mixed in with my own thinking. Sometimes we can help each other become more clear minded. W is helping me (sort the dynamics out on these thread:-).....

As far as repetitive topics go, ironically, I do not see enough topics about special interests. I have always wished that there would be more topics where we teach one another about our special interests, rather than just list them or talk about whether we have them or not. A few such threads have been created, but they never go far, and I find this peculiar. That's what I want to talk about with other Aspies the most!

Do you mean that you want to read threads about other people's special interests that are different from yours, or do you mean that you want to talk with others about shared special interest?

I only want to talk with others about shared special interest. If their interests are different from my interests, then I don't want to know about theirs.

I totally agree with this! From what little I've gotten about people's SI's, they sound really interesting. I've never thought one sounded boring.

Little bee I don't know what to say you encouraged me to enquire and I was only trying to
follow your suggestion.

I am not jumping to her defense I'm merely responding to your post because it relates to what I heard from my family and others not because I think she cannot defend for herself.

I was trying to ask you if you were saying that over praise would feel like calling someone and inspiration for things we all do, which would be degrading. However I do strongly believe most of the people here are not like that.

I never said i know everything. I've apologized when I was wrong or I've hurt or lashed out at someone. I have stated that I'm not completely sure of if I'm right at least some of the time. And I am always kind and respect full to others.

Yes, you are being unfair, or at least, you seem to be unaware of the world that most people with AS live in.

The opposite messages:
1 - "you're stupid, defective, irrational and worthless" and "you are annoying and lack social skills" and "you are not fully human"
2 - "it's your fault people hate and mistreat you. If you wanted to, you could just be normal"
3 - "You're so boring always talking about the same topic, just shut up"

basically make up the mainstream environment we come from and seek refuge from. Now, if you're an aspie, either you've internalized those attitudes yourself, or you have a very unusually supportive environment and don't understand the need for an antidote to that kind of psychological poison. In the former case, well, you're not the only self-loathing aspie on here either, so don't pat yourself on the back too hard.

re: your points 1-3 yes I used to be like this as well when first on WP. However I think over time I accept ASD people are entitled to their views (even the right wing gun nuts, aspie supremicists and gifted narcissists ). There is not many forums which provide a platform for people with autism or aspergers to share the views or communicate in a relatively safe and secure environment. Openness and tolerance for differences is not restricted to nuerodiverse differences in where you are on the spectrum but also differences in personality, frames of thinking and different paradigms (cultural or religious or otherwise).

Now I wonder which of my WP behaviors are annoying to others. Maybe berry and egg words? Or something else I'm not aware of. I once got a pm correcting my egg words with ~10 eggsamples of how I spelled different words wrong.

Am I allowed to ask - why do you do that? It doesn't bother me in the least, I'm just curious. That story was funny. Your cat is cute (I think I told you that before, but still he makes me smile every time I see him).

Also, not that I want to speak for everyone, but you're pretty low key - who would be annoyed by you?

I have reformatted the quote by Jen as apparently I forgot to enclose one of Jen's comments in a quote box and then will reply..

Selected comments with my response:

Okayee:-)....HOW exactly does it relate?Be specific. I did not even say much of anything there. To me you are doing a form of grandstanding which I find disingenuous, and this is not a compliment, though I like some other stuff about you..

I wrote to K-O-R this:
littlebee wrote:
This is a compliment, and she knows I mean it, as I have written this kind of thing about her messages before. I don't know for sure, but I am thinking that the very reason K-O-R is not answering this so far is that she is processing from both ends of the stick this whole kind of whacked dialog some of us are having here. Now this is what your complimenting hero, W,, wrote to K-O-R: To me this is a patronizing comment that someone might say to a little child trying to build him up, but it is really quite obviously talking down, which I probably wouldn't even bother to mention except in the context that my own comment was called condescending.

That could be a form of talking down to a person, but it is all contextual. I think someone overcoming obstacles that are not obstacles for someone else could still be an inspiration to the person who does not have these obstacles. Imo--- too much thinking about what people are thinking about you and other people. I really loves young people and have dialogued with groups of teenagers and it was really very generative, but I think certain kinds of participation are not really enquiry but can be a form of sh*t shoveling to avoid facing and working through personal trauma.And no, I'm not trying to keep you from talking. I just find you to be sidestepping actual enquiry. Maybe it is myself who is doing it....but I think not...

I don't find you annoying at all, although I sometimes think you might find me annoying because of disagreement.

Sorry, but your answer is simply black and white thinking. The threadstarter blames certain people to only see an extreme oppinion, and your answer is that, if you denie yourself thinking into that extreme, your were forced to think totally in the other extreme.

I think what the threadstarter wants to point out, is simply being more moderate.

1) There is neither a need to praise yourself and give yourself superpowers, as well that not doing so would force yourself to think "you're stupid, defective, irrational and worthless" and "you are annoying and lack social skills" and "you are not fully human" - What about thinking, that we are just we, and neither superduperextraordinary and neither the stupid worthless spawn from hell, but simply people?

2) She did not blame people in my oppinion for having probs with socializing, but for expecting everyone else to adjust with that. I spend as well most of my time before my computer, rather dont go out or meet with friends, and rarely leave my comfort zone ... but I as well dont waste my time blaming, why people consider me boring and rather spend their own time as well, in an way that comforts them. Which means not with me. ^^ And they dont do so because of them wanting to " hate and mistreat me.", but simply because the way I am is not giving them any pleasure. Neither is it other peoples fault, that they were "constructed" in an way, that its simply boring for them to spend time with me, the way I was "constructed". Nor is it my fault. Thats noones fault. Wasting thoughts about whose fault this is, is just as much nonsense, as wasting thoughts about whose fault is it, that I am shortsighted.

Yes, I do sometimes feel lonely. Its as well no prob expressing that lonelyness. As example I am totally sad, that nowadays in MMORPGs almost all guilds expect you to be in voicechat all day. Before that, MMORPGS were a way to me, to chat with people in written ways on equal terms. Now that everything is done with voicechat, my disability is again obvious for everyone and annoys them. But expressing to be sad about something, is something else then blaming and searching for responsibilities whose fault it is, that I am differently wired to other people.

Thanks for expressing that! That's actually something I needed to hear.

I used to spend a lot of time in SecondLife. I HATED voice chat for that very reason. I'd be, like, what, you people have a problem with reading??? I didn't mind others using voice chat, but there'd be a user every now and then who'd insist on it. I haven't spent time on SL or Inworldz in years.

Ok I should have been more spific i didn't mean to invalidate your compliment and say it was not sincere and i didn't mean to accuse your compliment of being degrading. I just asked if you believed others were doing this and that I could see where you were coming from but I did not believe this was the case.

As for relating for the post I'll make this brief my family disrespects the autism community calling them sick, kids, pitying them, looking down on
them, saying my friend from my program doesn't have feelings. Plus I have gone though this discrimination myself.

What you wrote to. KOR imo was just uncalled for and went too far. Telling her that that you think they doing this is one thing . But the way you said it was so disrespectful. Ws comment wether or not condescending was not mean spirited and even if it was it dosnt make what you said ok.

I have trouble speaking up in groups. People will often complain that I have been too quiet when I have been trying to speak for the last hour or something. I was taught/told not to talk over people when I was growing up (although I can do that too by mistake usually because I don't realise someone has finished speaking) and the group seems to be busy talking amongst themselves. Ergo I don't know when it's my turn to go.

It has been a long time since I did group interaction though.