Which have it harder? Male Aspies or female Aspies?

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Everyone on the spectrum has unique challenges.......Also they more obliterated any ounce of self esteem I might have had as well as any foundation that might have been there to build self esteem from. So yeah I think a lot of the time people who did these things knew exactly what they were doing...but I am also used to my experiences being dismissed as nothing. For instance:

One incident took place were I was basically minding my own business waiting in the lunch line when the two boys who typically bullied me the most started messing with me, trying to taunt me to push or hit one of them I really don't know why so eventually I did push one of them and somehow managed to knock over three other people in the process. Which even to this day I don't get because I was smaller than them all.

Then the teacher who saw a lot of this, took me to the teacher that actually taught my class and told her I had attacked the other kids more or less. I tried explaining I just wanted them to leave me alone and thought I had to do what they said to get them to stop, and had no intention to actually knock anyone over. The response to that was basically 'oh well if they told you to jump off a cliff would you?' totally ignoring that they were harrasing me so yeah I was the only one who got in any trouble.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 01 Mar 2012, 3:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf I mean getting unlawfully banned from a service. One quick example, I made disability discrimination complaint to my Doctor..... I was then removed from Dr's register so I don't have a Doctor anymore (this is victimisation under England's Equality Act 2010 ) Sometimes I swear and that is put down as being abusive...wtf ! I swear some provoke me or push my buttons...... In England it is also called "denial of service" and "direct discrimination arising as a consequence of disability" I've a major headache tonight so bear with me with my wordings ladies and gentleman. So Sweetleaf, if what's happened to you happened here in England, it'll actually be discrimination and is against the law.

Ah I see...I figured it was something like that. And yes a lot of what has happened to me in life is against the law, but that did not seem to deter people. I even had police officers illegally search my room when I was in highschool, because a girl(my best friend at the time or so I thought) tried to set me up by writing a threat to kill people on a certain day on the wall at school in order to set me up. so I turned her in and then she tried telling them I had plans written to do all kinds of terrible things........when confronted with this evidence against me I explained those were my note books my counselor told me to write my negative bad thoughts in to help me deal with it in a more healthy manner and that NO i did not want to hurt anyone.

They still ended up trying to charge me for having seen her write the crap, I mean honestly I did not know what to do at the time but I don't think that is a crime.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6ALzUGZsOQ[/youtube]

Again, for the Nth time (I guess it's never enough), I strongly agree on this.

mothers are expected to give a hundred and some percent of themselves, while fathers are allowed to be somehow part time parents. as a woman, if i had a baby, i'd be expected to make him/her the center of my universe.
girls are supposed to be more talktive, friendly, and sensitive to others moods and feelings. when a guy isnt all those things, it is accepted more easily than a girl who cant read people.
when a guy lives alone that's fine, but a woman living alone, without wanting children or a husband? people pity me, they want to pair me with someone, they dont take no for an answer, they nag, my parents used to say i'm ruining my life, but now they've given up, thank god.

Well, one would have to define 'harder' with a series of quantifiable characteristics common and uncommon to both genders with Aspergers syndrome. There is no doubt that people would disagree upon the definition of 'harder', assigned variables, and final results. What comes into question IS, can anyone know how hard an individuals life IS, without having walked in their shoes ?

No. YET, our local, state, and federal government does IT everyday using a set of quantifiable standards in-order to set economic and social policies.

I think it can be done BUT obviously NOT to the satisfaction of ALL, maybe even most individuals.

TheSunAlsoRises

Unless you can look in the mind and see what exactly happens in there you haven't got a chance to tell objectively. Still have to wait a couple of hundred years.

It depends. With boys symptoms usually are more serious, while female aspies are less noticeable. But for me, the fact that I don't know who I am, or that I get confused with my real self or my masked self is the hardes. After the diagnosis it really got easier.

Unless you can look in the mind and see what exactly happens in there you haven't got a chance to tell objectively. Still have to wait a couple of hundred years.


Nope. Just because you do NOT agree with my criteria does NOT make them unobjective.

TheSunAlsoRises

Again, for the Nth time (I guess it's never enough), I strongly disagree on this.

I thought I agree with you more than disagree.The problem with your criteria (and the main reason why can't there be a consensus on the definition) is that males and females perceive the world around them differently. Picture it as an optic, sunglasses, paradigm, whatever. In this respect it is not learned, it's innate, so cultural influences do not count. The refined definition then would be how all the measured variables effect the mind? Simply asking the individuals of the respective gender groups is pointless, communication is influenced by the very differences of perception (partly influenced by the learned culture). In the end you have to know what happens in the mind (what the individual with a particular mindset feels) to cover the additional variable of perception. This is a simplified model, in reality it would be much more complex, e.g. we'd have to do something with that cultural variable.

I voted "I don't know" I think that it's basically equally hard in different ways.

Or what about the people with AS who are not cis-gendered and straight?
What about the aspies who are intersex or transgender or androgynous?
What about the aspies who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual?

Life sucks when your different. It sucks even more when you are different in many ways.

OK it depends on where you live. Where I live, there are extra standards for women. If a man is doing anything unusual, like flapping or limping or talking slowly or looking ret*d, they get away with it. People don't seem to stop and stare or shame them in any way. But if a woman does anything unusual, yes, they will get eaten up for dinner. I know this because I've seen it happen lots of times.

Also, in some of towns around the area where I am, women MUST wear make-up, have a presentable hairstyle, wear fashionable clothes, and love to go shopping for clothes. If you are a young female who doesn't wear any make-up, has a plain hairstyle, wears scruffy clothes, and looks bored and miserable in clothes shops, then you are totally f****d. You get looked upon by other women, and you do know it too. I can read body language of other people, so I know a funny look when I see one, and it happens to me a lot - right up until I got my hair styled and put on a bit of make-up and wore skinny jeans or leggins, and looked more enthusiastic in clothes shops. I don't get girls giggling at me any more, and I don't get weird looks any more.

It's OK for men - they don't have to put on make-up, and men's hairstyles are easier to maintain, and if they want long hair they don't even have to brush it if they don't want to, and they can just slip on a shirt and jeans, or a jumper or hoodie or whatever, don't have to worry about wearing a bra or not feeling obliged to have to wear these silky sexy knickers, and they can get away with looking bored in clothes shops. I've seen men following their wives around in clothes shops looking bored, and nobody seems to judge them against it. But the last time I was huffing and puffing in a clothes shop when I had to go in with my mum to choose a pair of shoes, two girls looked at me, then looked at eachother and smirked, then looked at me again, then walked away.

It's easy for females who don't care to be different, but it's harder for women who do care and have obligations to look presentable.

All you're saying is that it's easier for someone that conform to what people expect? And what people expect are different based on o.a. sex, gender, etc.

How would people react to a thin tall man with a narrow chest, not much muscle, wide pelvis, blond hair, no facial hair, no body hair, soft skin, and small breasts? (note: all of this would be natural)

Nothing - men are ''allowed'' to be a little unusual. They might just get fancied by less women (hair colour doesn't count), but I'm not talking about relationships or love here. I'm just generalizing here. Men can get away with looking fat, but fat women tend to get judged. That is why anorexia is more common in women, and also anxiety is more common in women. This is because there are more expectations for women, and Aspie women like me can't always handle it.