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Critical of self diagnosis - you shouldn't be

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NiceCupOfTea
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30 Nov 2014, 3:58 pm

Shadi2 wrote:
I wasn't talking about you at all, I was talking about this kind of comments (i.e. my autism is better than yours)in general.


And such a comment - "my autism is better than yours" - has never been made by anyone. Well, it may have been done in the past, but not in this thread.

dianthus wrote:
I think there's a neutral medium to be found somewhere between the extremes of being "huggy-wuggy" and attacking people. I understand it may not be easy to find it when you're under a lot of stress.


I am posting neutrally. I haven't always done, as you so correctly pointed out. But in this thread I haven't personally attacked anybody. This is my idea of posting neutrally.



btbnnyr
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30 Nov 2014, 4:00 pm

I didn't say anything about my autism is better than yours either.
I didn't personally attack anyone either.
I posted my true thoughts and feelings.


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Peejay
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30 Nov 2014, 4:01 pm

p.s. re a haven from huggy wuggy... I know what you mean .. I cringe easily........ but everyone needs a hug now and again

I am a strapping 6 foot 3 inch tall bloke who find hugs difficult but am working to open up a bit; so bang goes another stereotype



Shadi2
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30 Nov 2014, 4:03 pm

NiceCupOfTea wrote:
Shadi2 wrote:
I wasn't talking about you at all, I was talking about this kind of comments (i.e. my autism is better than yours)in general.


And such a comment - "my autism is better than yours" - has never been made by anyone. Well, it may have been done in the past, but not in this thread.


Of course it was not these exact words "my autism is better than yours". And I didn't mean in this thread specifically either, I meant in general, and in other threads, during this last year.


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Rocket123
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30 Nov 2014, 4:06 pm

Peejay wrote:
...So really I personally am not bothered about a DX. These are my personal reasons. I am sure other people have many other reasons. I hope this helps your understanding Rocket...

Thanks for sharing. It's a useful data point. But, so far, I have been unable to discern a pattern. :)



NiceCupOfTea
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30 Nov 2014, 4:07 pm

Having a hard time keeping up with the responses. Always seem to be 5 posts behind... >_>

Peejay wrote:
Just read your post NiceCup of Tea.
You dont have to be huggy wuggy my freind if it is not your nature... be yourself.
I just feel the need to be a bit huggy wuggy to you, I hope you dont mind :)


No, not at all :p

wozeree wrote:
I thought that I already posted this, but can't find it so please forgive me if it's already posted somewhere - but what I don't understand is that you guys keep acting like we are the emotional ones and you are just stating facts and we are trying to force you to bend to our emotions. This is not true, you are being very emotional in that you are offended by people believing they have Autism and stating so.


You seem to think that I've declared myself to be an emotionless robot. I haven't, I get quite emotional: just not in a huggy-wuggy way. Never have and am never likely to.

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This is a fact about how the world runs. Some people who have Autism are diagnosed and some are not. And there are many valid reasons for not having a diagnosis. Harping on and on and pretending that is not the case is extremely emotional. Just except it.


*accept it - sorry >.>



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30 Nov 2014, 4:13 pm

Rocket
I too like to find patterns (the ASD systematic type thinking in my case) but perhaps the reasons are too subtle or variable to have a pattern or perhaps you just dont have enough data to to spot a pattern?

That is why I was interested in doing some small unscientific surveys on WP. This is a fabulous resource for research by users and some trends or patterns could even emerge as potential for proper study.

So a good Q would be "what was your reason for seeking a diagnosis?"

The wealth of inside knowledge and expertise on this site is invaluable.



Rocket123
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30 Nov 2014, 4:15 pm

dianthus wrote:
I expect to find those traits here too, but I do not think they are a free pass or excuse to post without regard for how other people may feel. I think most posters here still show a lot of consideration for others even if they may struggle with some or all of those traits.

It's interesting. I always try to be considerate. I always try not to be rude. I never try to directly attack others (primarily because I don't want to be attacked directly by them). But, I never think about what others may feel. Unless, they write about it.



Rocket123
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30 Nov 2014, 4:18 pm

Peejay wrote:
Rocket
I too like to find patterns (the ASD systematic type thinking in my case) but perhaps the reasons are too subtle or variable to have a pattern or perhaps you just dont have enough data to to spot a pattern?

That is why I was interested in doing some small unscientific surveys on WP. This is a fabulous resource for research by users and some trends or patterns could even emerge as potential for proper study.

So a good Q would be "what was your reason for seeking a diagnosis?"

The wealth of inside knowledge and expertise on this site is invaluable.

Got it. It now makes sense to me.



Shadi2
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30 Nov 2014, 4:33 pm

Rocket123 wrote:
dianthus wrote:
I expect to find those traits here too, but I do not think they are a free pass or excuse to post without regard for how other people may feel. I think most posters here still show a lot of consideration for others even if they may struggle with some or all of those traits.

It's interesting. I always try to be considerate. I always try not to be rude. I never try to directly attack others (primarily because I don't want to be attacked directly by them). But, I never think about what others may feel. Unless, they write about it.


I also try to be considerate, and try not to be rude. But even if you did think of what others may feel, you couldn't really tell unless they tell you what they feel.

Maybe we should also keep in mind that we have not all been raised the same way. Personally I am 55 year old, and many people my age or older have not been diagnosed as a child because autism was not near as known then as it is now, so my point is that my parents had no idea about autism either, and I got spanked so many times for being blunt (among other things - which was often perceived as rude, eventho I had no bad intention), that I have forcibly learned not to be so blunt. But even then, I am often surprised at the reactions to my comments or statements, I am still sometimes either too blunt, or I don't express myself correctly.


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30 Nov 2014, 4:48 pm

Shadi2 wrote:
...I got spanked so many times for being blunt (among other things - which was often perceived as rude, eventho I had no bad intention), that I have forcibly learned not to be so blunt. But even then, I am often surprised at the reactions to my comments or statements, I am still sometimes either too blunt, or I don't express myself correctly.


Me too. Both that I got hit and learned to restrain myself because of it, and that I still often cannot predict how other people are going to react to what I say.


Rocket123 wrote:
It's interesting. I always try to be considerate. I always try not to be rude. I never try to directly attack others (primarily because I don't want to be attacked directly by them). But, I never think about what others may feel. Unless, they write about it.


I'm pretty much constantly thinking of how others may feel, how they might react, how people may interpret things, and the wider implications of what I say and do and how it might even affect someone I've never even met.



btbnnyr
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30 Nov 2014, 4:54 pm

I don't think that it is rude to say what I think about self-diagnosis being invalid.
It is rude to call someone an idiot, but it was not rude, what I said about self-diagnosis in this thread.


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30 Nov 2014, 7:00 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
I don't think that it is rude to say what I think about self-diagnosis being invalid.
It makes me feel that I don't belong here. When you say my self-diagnosis is invalid it says to me that anything that I say here is suspect, because I am not officially diagnosed. I'm an old man and there isn't a reason in the world for me to seek out an official diagnosis... except to be a "valid" poster on WP.


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btbnnyr
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30 Nov 2014, 7:04 pm

tall-p wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
I don't think that it is rude to say what I think about self-diagnosis being invalid.
It makes me feel that I don't belong here. When you say my self-diagnosis is invalid it says to me that anything that I say here is suspect, because I am not officially diagnosed. I'm an old man and there isn't a reason in the world for me to seek out an official diagnosis... except to be a "valid" poster on WP.


I didn't say that you didn't belong here, or that anything you say here is suspect, or that you are not a valid poster on wp.
All of these things, I didn't say, and you thought in your own mind, then attributed to me when I didn't say them.
You are the one who made all these inferences from what I said, so you, not I, are responsible for how they make you feel.
I have said on wp before that all kinds of people can post here about their autistic traits or whatever else they want to post about, but what I find wrong is saying that one has autism or is autistic without autism diagnosis.


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B19
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30 Nov 2014, 7:26 pm

tall-p wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
I don't think that it is rude to say what I think about self-diagnosis being invalid.
It makes me feel that I don't belong here. When you say my self-diagnosis is invalid it says to me that anything that I say here is suspect, because I am not officially diagnosed. I'm an old man and there isn't a reason in the world for me to seek out an official diagnosis... except to be a "valid" poster on WP.


You belong here.



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30 Nov 2014, 7:32 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
tall-p wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
I don't think that it is rude to say what I think about self-diagnosis being invalid.
It makes me feel that I don't belong here. When you say my self-diagnosis is invalid it says to me that anything that I say here is suspect, because I am not officially diagnosed. I'm an old man and there isn't a reason in the world for me to seek out an official diagnosis... except to be a "valid" poster on WP.


I didn't say that you didn't belong here, or that anything you say here is suspect, or that you are not a valid poster on wp.
All of these things, I didn't say, and you thought in your own mind, then attributed to me when I didn't say them.
You are the one who made all these inferences from what I said, so you, not I, are responsible for how they make you feel.
I have said on wp before that all kinds of people can post here about their autistic traits or whatever else they want to post about, but what I find wrong is saying that one has autism or is autistic without autism diagnosis.


I feel the same way as tall-p. I understand that you didn't say those things, and others who are commenting have not said those things either. And in fact some have even said quite the opposite that no matter how much they criticize they do not intend for anyone to feel unwelcome here. Nevertheless that is precisely the effect that it DOES have on people, whether you intend that or not.

Now I understand perfectly well that I am still welcome here regardless of what anyone says or what their opinion is about this subject, and I understand that the site is intended to be welcoming to everyone. However that is not how I FEEL when I read comments criticizing self-diagnosis.

Some have said that others need to stop taking things personally and leave emotion out of it, but that is just not realistic. People have feelings about the things they are discussing, especially when it is something very personal to them, and the way people self-identify is about as personal as it gets.