NTs DO THINGS with conversation...

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I popped over to the random section and found this fine thread:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt252339.html

It's a thread about the differing conventional meanings of scripted phrases in the UK versus the US. Yes, you can learn the scripted meanings but those scripts must be the ones used locally. Bear in mind that I am from the US so the scripts I talk about in other posts may or may not be the same in other countries. Perhaps this is why some travelling Aspies report more positive receptions in other countries. When you travel internationally, no one expects you to know the local scripting conventions the way they do if you are local.

Some scripting conventions in the US and how they could be misinterpreted.

http://www.bbcamerica.com/mind-the-gap/ ... ally-mean/



apparently Israel and the US are using the same convention (Moondust I remember from other threads that you are in Israel, hope I didn't confuse you with a different poster if you are not)

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Then there is another link spelling out the scripting conventions in the UK.

http://www.bbcamerica.com/mind-the-gap/ ... k-we-mean/

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that one would throw me. As an American I do tend to see "sorry" as an apology. It may be insincere but I still would assume it is meant to at least appear as an apology (a common American example of that insincerity is "I'm sorry you were offended" which is meant to seem apologetic but is actually a way of saying you shouldn't have taken offense).



As an American, I only say "cheers" when raising a glass with somebody else. So this would confuse me if no glasses were around to be raised.

The internet being what it is, there are probably even more of these lists around and for a variety of regions and countries. If trying to figure out scripting conventions with observation is just too aggravational or daunting, these are handy and accurate shortcuts.

This is me as well. I have so much trouble figuring out what to talk to people about, that I like to make a list. Because I hate being with someone and not have something interesting/relevant/important to discuss.



I admit it. I remain a bit confuzzled. Apparently, we are missing some point. Yet, the point we are missing is not what is being communicated in spoken language. So, how do we "understand" what they are intending to say? And, how do we communicate back to them, without using spoken language.

I think now I am beginning to understand why people have social anxiety. This stuff is confusing!

+1
I usually don't even notice it when people hintvat something and I need someone else to tell me if they're doing that.
I tend to be directed and straight-up and I'd rather people to act in the same way with me. I'd rather be told the truth directly and understand what they're talking about than having to guess it or be paranoid about each word they say.

Moondust - Thanks for your explanation. It reminded me of something.

About a year ago, I had called a former colleague on the phone asking him for some advice (about a new job I was thinking of starting). I hadn't seen him in about a year or two. At the end of the conversation, he said, "let's get together sometime". And then we hung up.

Following the phone discussion, I sent him an email, thanking him for his time. And suggested meeting for lunch in the next week or so (as I thought he was actually interested in getting together). Apparently, he wasn't. As he never responded to my email.

I have said for a long time, that I feel more alone when I am with others, than when I am by myself. And, I think I now understand why. When I am with others, I have no idea what is happening.

Anyhow, one final question. Do you believe this behavior is common for ALL NTs? Both extroverted and introverted? Or, is it only a subset?

Thanks! I feel differently than you. I work in sales, and I can very easily manipulate people into buying things, but I hate doing that and I feel bad about it. I like to just give people the information and let them make up their own mind.

Rocket123 - i too had an experience like yours not too long ago i find people that don't say what they mean to be very annoying also dianthus speaking of manipulating people into buying things is it just me or do sales tactics not work too well on people with ASD i find they seem to push me in to not buying the same goes for ads on tv

I used to (and kind of still do) see conversations with people as a series of questions/opinions/(controversial) statements and answers. Person A asks a questions. Person B replies with an answer (and maybe another question). Person A asks another question/queries person B. And so on.
I used to think like that until someone I knew (NT, highly articulate and social English grad) queried that and did the whole, "there is more to conversation than that" thing. Meh. I dunno.
I prefer to be hones to (certain) people and just see their reaction. As a rule, I hate lying.

A bit off-topic: I'm in Sales too. Depending on what you sell, giving accurate info and letting the customer decide can be the best sales strategy, as opposed to a charming sales pitch. At least in my area of work, telecom. Sales pitches belong largely to the realm of impulse shopping.

It's the same for me, sales tactics make me NOT want to buy things, also if a salesperson keeps bugging me in a store I will leave. I am especially impervious to car salesmen and I think they are confounded when they have to deal with me. At first glance I probably look like an easy mark to any salesperson but they find out it is like talking to a brick wall.

I can be highly manipulable and suggestible in other ways though, like with friends.

I thought that was just me! My friends all say they want to take me along to do the negotiating when they go car shopping. I always tell them to be prepared *not* to buy anything if they take me along.

Reporting, that's what I call the behavior you're refering to.
It seems that it is often misinterpreted as asking for or critizing something, or something else entirely.
Allistic folks seem to find it relatively frustrating and confusing that I'm often just describing my experience of the world to them with no motive other than to do just that.
For my part, I find their confusion and frustration amusing, annoying, or both, depending on their reactions to it.

I was reminded of this thread last night. I was talking to a friend who mentioned that the thermostat in her apartment had malfunctioned and that it got up to 90F before she discovered it and turned the furnace off. She also commented that she couldn't leave the windows open because the screens weren't on, that she left the screens off because she couldn't turn the window cranks with the screens on.

My response? "What kind of windows are these? I've never seen windows where the cranks were inside the screens! Can you send me a photo?"

Hehe, my initial reaction to your post was "Oh, I've got windows like that, maybe I can post a photo of them for her!" then realised what the actual point of your post was. I'm really confused now as to whether this was an NT or AS reaction. In one sense, perhaps I was trying to give you something I thought you wanted (though you didn't actually say you wanted it), which is an NT reaction. On the other hand, I was trying to "solve" your problem (rather than just smile and/or agree with what you said), which is an AS response.

??

This happens to me as well. My wife might be describing a situation (say at work). And, I would interject, "Well, why not try this or do that...". And, she would reply, "I don't want you to solve the problem. I just want you to listen". LOL.

Greentea this thread I had to show your opening post to an NT who confirmed it was true.

While your post is very powerful I have no idea what to do about.

I am not NT an I can not act it either.

Well, my first response to her was to ask if she had opened all the windows to let the excess heat out......