This video is just disgraceful to the autistic community.

Post Reply New Topic

Excellent Answer, Tuttle!! !

TheSunAlsoRises

Excellent Answer, nat4200!! !!

TheSunAlsoRises

For me, there was no right or wrong answer. I asked a question and you gave me specific answers.

I did not define 'own personal experiences' for a reason because i was interested in 'what' it meant to you.

TheSunAlsoRises

I'm not particularly moved by this justification. In my view, parents have a special obligation to their children to provide unconditional love. We all make mistakes, yes, but that doesn't mean that all mistakes are equal or necessarily forgivable. That's for the person who was wronged to decide, not you. And I'm not moved by a religious text of a religion that I don't practice, sorry.

Moreover, I was responding to a particular view proposed that parenting is like banking: you just need to make sure the positive outbalances the negative, and then you're good. Well, emotionally, it doesn't work that way sometimes. And I really think parents need to be aware of how their children may interpret these things. It's not necessarily as though children will calculate objectively, "oh, my parents said they loved me a hundred times, and only said [x horrible thing] three times. Obviously they love me unconditionally." Because not all children will feel that way. In fact, I think it's pretty common for people to remember negative comments more strongly than the positive.

Re: Alison Singer specifically: If Alison Singer truly recognized her words as a mistake, then she had/still has some choices to make amends. She could have chosen to request that such words not be included in the video, where they are now recorded for who knows how long. She also could have chosen, in the six years since that video aired, to apologize to the autistic community for her words. She hasn't done either of those things, though perhaps she has privately apologized to her daughter. I certainly hope so.

For those of you who are so sure that Autism Speaks has changed its stripes, I would ask the following questions:

-How many autistic people, precisely, are currently employed by them? How many people do they employ in total?
-What specific measures have they taken to improve employment (and housing, etc.) for autistic adults outside of their organization? What resources have they devoted towards this goal?
-Of the vast amounts of money the organization spends on research, how much of that research has been spent on things of potential benefit to autistic people? How much has been spent on prevalence, genetics, and causation?
-How does the organization represent autism in public to general audiences? (As opposed to what they might say to an audience of autistic people).

I just read this article on Shift Journal: LINK

It's one parent's perspective on the issues being discussed in this thread.

My point was very simplistic.

Basically, i was saying, where would the vast majority of Autistics be IF your were judged simply by the inappropriate behaviors and hurtful things THAT you have said to love ones ? What IF you were judged by the very same things THAT you expect of others without careful considerations ?

TO put it bluntly, far too many of you have done too much and need too much help from others to be as judgmental as you are; in my humble opinion.





TheSunAlsoRises

Wow I never saw it that way. What I knew all along was the reason why that mother said that was because she was very stressed out and she felt like doing it. There had been times in my life where I wanted to do things but knowing what the consequences be to my actions is what made me not do them. Same as fearing what they be. To me it doesn't matter what people say, It only matters if they are intending on doing it and make a plan to do it. That mother never made a plan to do it. It just came to her head one day and she didn't do it because she had a daughter at home. It's not like she started to think "Okay on July 25th 2006 I am going to go on the Washington bridge and drive off it with my daughter so I wouldn't suffer anymore and she be in heaven with me where I wouldn't have to worry about what would happen to her if I was gone. I can't kill her only or else I go to jail so I would have to kill myself. Okay I am going to do it." Just like I never made any plans to act on my own thoughts when I thought of them and wanted to do them.

I will assume people on the spectrum never got violent thoughts in their head and wanted to do them but didn't act on it due to reasons or else they would have understood that mother and not judge her. I will also assume they never felt like killing someone and didn't act on it or else they would have understood. Because I have felt like killing someone before because I get so mad and frustrated with them, maybe that is why I understand that mother's perspective. How did I feel when I got treated like a bad guy like my feelings didn't matter? Upset like they were stupid and didn't care so I didn't do that to the mother. It's about treating others the way I like to be treated.

I don't need to have an autistic child to understand these parents and that mother because I have already been there in a different way. Maybe others here have never been there nor been in a situation they found very stressful that involved another human being or an animal.

For those of you who are so sure that Autism Speaks has changed its stripes, I would ask the following questions:

-How many autistic people, precisely, are currently employed by them? How many people do they employ in total?

I do NOT believe any organization would take the risk of hiring those that have consistently expressed hatred toward them. You see, when a large number of Autistic people and Self Advocates take pride in 'disliking" Autism Speaks; a greater problem has been created.

So, the question becomes: Where do i go to find qualified Autistic people, that i can TRUST in an already minute population, for high level positions?

Anytime, a group of people seek to openly integrate with the dominate culture; a long painstaking 'vetting' process occurs. Those who are the FIRST usually display a HISTORY of broad inclusiveness, integrity, tolerance, loyalty, trustworthiness and intelligence. Rarely do people, who are looked upon as 'radical', assimilate into a mainstream organization without displaying changes seen as beneficial to an organization.


* Just an opinion to be taken as such

TheSunAlsoRises

I know a couple people on the spectrum sponsor them. They are Alex Plank and John Robison. I don't know if they work for them.

Plus some people on the spectrum have participated in Autism Walks that is sponsored by Autism Speaks. Some have even given speeches on ASD. So obviously they don't hate autistic people or else they wouldn't be allowing them to give speeches or having them sponsor them or even letting them participate in the walk. They do even allow them to post on their forum.

I've read the first 7 pages of this thread, but then a headache flared up and counldn't continue. I'll try to read the rest later.

But for now just wanted to say that I have a child with Asperger's. And the video was very emotional for me. I get what the mom's are saying, it's so incredibly lonely and you are judged so harshly by mainstream population in the stores and resturant's etc. I've had people tell me that I need to discipline my child and I've had people give me looks of "What did you just do to your child to make him scream like that?"

But no matter what, even with all the lonliness, there's never been a day that I haven't seen the miracle of what my little boy is! He is the most precious gift I've ever known and has been my biggest and brightest teacher! He has taught me patience and true compassion and I'll be grateful to him for the rest of my days! He has taught me to release expectation and live in the moment, and what a gift that has been!

I have two older children that are not on the spectrum and as lovely as it was being their mother, there's been nothing close to the joy it's been being the mom to my beautiful Aspie, his depth and clarity that pushes past all the superficial BS of this world has brought new meaning to what life really means.

With saying that, I do appreciate the video and the mom's on there trying to bring awareness and help for Autism. I've acutally found that parents with low functioning autistic children getting so much more help then I've been able to get since my boy is high functioning. Just show's that the view is alway different depending on where you are.

And yes, I do worry for my child, which I saw the mom's on the video expressing. Sending him to school has been a very difficult experience but we're managing and pushing the school to help and getting results which will in turn help more children in the future. He's 6 and in 1st grade, and getting a second eval to get help through EBD programs which so far they've refused because of his high functioning but as he's now fallen far enough behind they are less able to ignore there is a problem. It's so hard as a parent to have to always be pushing to get your kid an education that suits him etc. Everything is a struggle, but for me it just makes it all the more sweet when we make it through yet another obstacle. My son has taught me just how strong I really am, seriously I'm so humbled by his strength and insight.

But it's really all in attitude and are you going to be victim or find the treasure within.

I feel lucky to have an Aspie as a teacher!

This video is beyond disgraceful... it's nothing but the parents going "oh, woe is me, for I have a child with autism. What a burden I have to carry." They make it out like the autistic kid was some sort of terrible surprise. I'm sure it isn't easy being the parent of a kid with autism, but jesus christ... These people seem to be making out to be much worse than it is, and it's not like it's the kids' fault they have autism.

I didn't see any of the mothers in the video blaming their children.

Maybe my perception of reality is extremely warped, but I didn't see anything bad. Some people have severe autism and raising autistic children is mega-hard. I wouldn't like to do it myself. I wouldn't even have liked to have brought me up, and I'm high-functioning.

The mother who said she thought about driving her car off a bridge said that she was triggered by the idea of her child suffering in school...she didn't have those thoughts because her kid was such a burden. That actually made me quite emotional. I thought about how hard it must've been for my Mum to watch me suffer my way through school. What must have gone through her head? Of course, it was hard for me and I spent a large chunk of my childhood wanting to kill myself. I can't even imagine what it must've been like for my Mum to have to watch all of that.

All I have is my own viewpoint and experience to go off here; it seems to be so different to most other people's.

^ This makes so much sense

I don't recall that anyone was saying anything about what the mother had thought, only what the mother (and the cameraman, and the director, etc) decided was appropriate to say in front of the child in question.

Are you willing to talk about how you wanted to kill your child right in front of your child - who may very well understand what you are saying. I don't know if your child would, as I don't know how old your child is, but imagine doing that when your child is old enough to understand.

Or imagine your own mother doing that right in front of you when you were a child.

There are dark places of the soul, that no one could possibly understand unless they have been there. Places where every second can only be described as an eternity beyond anything that could be imagined as hell. Places beyond depression, and pain. A place that no one asked for, and one where one put forth their best effort, not to visit.

Objectively speaking, the video is not good for any child to see, and some of those words are not good for any child to hear.

But, the video is not focused just on children, it is also about parents of autistic children, their unique experience, including their frailities as human beings.

It was not produced for children to see.

It is more likely that an autistic child will see it here, on this website, than buried on a you tube website with archived videos from autism speaks, back to 2007.

Autism Speaks took it off the link to the full version of the video from their main website, that some autistic youth do visit, in consideration of this.

It's not likely that anyone is watching it that doesn't want to see it, where it is currently archived.

But, still available for those that can relate to it, and share in a deep grief, that some may not understand, because it is possible they have never experienced the same dark place of the soul, where some of these parents, may have been.

I have no idea if Ms. Singer's comment was planned, or she was caught up in the emotion of the moment. If caught up in the emotion of the moment, it was certainly not a good thing that the child heard the comment, but not something someone can judge, objectively as intentional, unless they have walked in this women's shoes.

After the statement, the potential emotional harm to the child, was done, but the expression of that darkness of the soul, was still available on film, for those suffering from the guilt of similiar thoughts, never expressed to anyone.

If one has been close to such a place, it would be hard not understand the potential value of this video, gained for the parents that have silently and solitarily experienced the guilt and sorrow, that can come from dark moments of the soul.

And, if anyone believes they will never visit a dark place like this, in their lifetime, they haven't lived long enough to know.

When I complain about this kind of attidute, I always get the usual, "Do you know what it's like to be the parent of an autistic child?" I argue back, "Do you know what it's like to BE an autistic child?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edlGozkw ... lf=mh_lolz