It's confirmed: I must get undiagnosed: how?

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I came up with a spectrum of "shame-based" identity / self-perception problems.

Unadmired / Disrespected
Impotent / Powerless
Inadequate / Failure
Rejected / Disapproved
Invalidated / Misunderstood
Guilty / Evil
Abandoned / Ignored
Unappreciated / Taken For Granted
Unloved

The ones toward the top could be assumed to be male-role NPD related, the bottom more female-role BPD related. I think they really all represent the same thing and are experienced by everyone, male and female, on a deeper level, but the top two are more likely to lead to antisocial activities

Tryrion, thanks for answering my questions....have to think before I respond

Re various recent comments about the overlapping of NPD/BPD and questions about the possible redundancy of that, I have had to think about this for a while, but here is my take at the present time:. It has to do with object relations theory which is almost surely the angle a therapist is approaching from: some of the symptoms surely do overlap, but NPD occurs at a closer to normal functioning as the (lack of) integration and compensation occurs at a later stage, so the personality is more integrated. For someone with BPD and a therapist working with a client with BPD it might make more sense to approach from this angle, as probably a person is not completely stuck at one level of integration, so coming at it from the angle of NPD can sort of build a bridge, both 'backwards' and forward, like a wave length, and this can help a person to progress. If a person feels entitled he does not really have to know why in order to begin to understand how this way of approaching life may not really work to his own best advantage, but BPD is something else. A person can work on certain behavior, but that disorder runs very deep, so it is too painful to approach directly.

"Narcissistic Personality:
The Egotistic Pattern

[...]

Much has been written in the recent literature seeking to clarify similarities and differences between narcissistic and borderline personalities. This preoccupation reflects confusions that exist in the field concerning what these new syndromes constitute in the first place. As presented in contemporary psychoanalytic literature, both syndromes are formulated often as obscure matrices of intangible metapsychological concepts that lack clear clinical referents, often leading the less experienced clinician to conclude that they are quite similar and difficult to disentangle. No difficulty of this sort will exist among readers who review each set of diagnostic criteria spelled out in the DSM-III. In brief, the similarieties between these syndromes are miniscule, and each is clearly delneated and comprehensible, even to the clinical novice."

Sadly the narcissistic subtype you wrote about is not in the book.

"Passive-Aggressive Personality:
The Negativistic Pattern

[...]

Passive-aggressive-borderline mixed personality. The second most frequent profile [after PaPD-histrionic mix] was composed of the passive-aggressive-borderline combination. Here, the more severe features of the borderline tend to accentuate the moodiness and behavioral unpredictability that characterize the passive-aggressive. MCMI research suggests that this pattern may frequently be found among younger (Vietnam) veterans seen in VA mental hygiene clinics, chronic alcoholic patients "drying out" in jails and "stockades," and female psychiatric patients at half-way houses and day-care centers. The following narrative is taken from an MCMI computer report based on the responses of a 28-year-old divorced Vietnam veteran attending a weekly VA outpatient "medication" group treatment program:

The patients behavior is typified by highly variable and unpredictable moods, an embittered and resentful irritability, and an untrusting and pessimistic outlook, notably the feelings of having been cheated, misunderstood, and unappreciated. An intense conflict between depedency and self-assertion contributes to an impulsive akd quixotic emotionality. He exhibits deficient regulatory controls with fleeting thoughts and emotions impulsively expressed in unmodulated form and external stimuli evoking capricious and vacillating reactions. There is a pattern of negativism, sullen pounting, fault finding, and stubborneess that is punctuated periodically by short-lived enthusiasms, belligerent, and querulous outbursts and expressions of guilt ajd contrition.
The patient anticipates being disillusionedin relationships with others and often precipitates being disillusioned in relationships with others and often precipitates disappointments through obstrucive behaviors. Though desperetely seeking closeness and intimacy, he is deeply untrusting and fearful of domination, resists external influence, and is suspliciously alert to efforts that might undermine self-determination, resists external influence, and is suspiciously alert to efforts that might undermine self-determination and autonomy. Personal relationships are fraught with wrangles and antogonisms, provoked often by his bitter complaining, passive-aggressive behaviours, touchiness, and characteristic irascible demeanor. The struggle between feelings of resentment and guilt, and the conflict over dependency and self-assertion permeate all aspects of his life.
The patient displays an unpredictable and rapid succession of moods, is invariably dysphoric in affect, seems restless, and is capricious and erratic in the expression of feelings. The is a tendency to be easily nettled, offended by trifles, and readily provoced into being fretful, contrary, and hostile. There is a low tolerance for frustration and he is impatient and fractious unless things go as desired. He will vacillate between being distraught and despondent, at one time; and being irrationally negativistic, petty, spiteful, and contentious, another. His disputatious and abrasive irritability precipitates exasperation in others, leading them to stereotype him as a person who dampens everyone's spirits, a pleasures of others. There is a sturggle between acting out and curtatling resentments. The sulking and unprredictable "blowing hot and cold" behaviors prompt others into reacting in a parallel copricious and inconsistent manner, causing them to weary quickly of him. As a result, he reports feeling misunderstood and unappreciated, at one time, and turning inward, expressing self-condemnation, the next.
The patient is overly sensitive to the attitudes of others, exhibiting an agitated defensiveness and brooding suspiciousness. Others are often seen as devious and hostile, and he repeatedly distorts their incidental remarks so as to appear deprecating and vilifying. He hesitates displaying weakness lest these be fatal concessions that will be misused by the possibility of attack of dereagation, a defensive stance from which he can react at the slightest hint of threat. Feelings of retribution for past mesreatment underlie his hostility, envy and, suspiciousness, Unfortunately, these behaviors often set into motion a self-fulfilling prophesy, driving away potential well-wishers and creating unnecessary frictions, which are then seen by him as proof and justification for suspicion and hostility."

I hope that helps.

Tryrion I have to go to work so cannot write much but extreme negative emotions is a part of all kinds of psychological disorders, so I recommend to scratch the word negativism off your list.

Re BPD, yes, the stuff Raziel quoted was great, but that kind of description even though very thorough and wonderful in its thoroughness is still just a sketch, but I did not ever see your risk taking as impulsive, and yet your description of the risk taking is what first clued me into the BPD. It is because it is a bridge between two worlds and yet not being in either one exactly, but being between is exciting and releases energy. That is imo indicative of that particular disorder.

Schizotypal PD:

(1) ideas of reference (excluding delusions of reference) (no)
(2) odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior and is inconsistent with subcultural norms (e.g., superstitiousness, belief in clairvoyance, telepathy, or "sixth sense"; in children and adolescents, bizarre fantasies or preoccupations) (yes)
(3) unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions
(no)
(4) odd thinking and speech (e.g., vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, overelaborate, or stereotyped) (yes)
(5) suspiciousness or paranoid ideation (yes)
(6) inappropriate or constricted affect (yes)
(7) behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar (yes)
(8) lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives (yes)
(9) excessive social anxiety that does not diminish with familiarity and tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about self (yes)

That's 7.

I wonder if BPD w/ passive-aggressive traits + Schizotypal PD is the way to go. The two very, very often go together. That would make perfect sense with the misdiagnosis of ASD and the Nonverbal Learning Disorder as well.

Now that I look at how I answered the ink blot test with my psychologist several weeks ago, having no idea what it even was, Schizotypal and BPD together make sense.