glider18's Wonderful World of Autism

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Thank you pensieve. It's great when you can make someone emotional through poetry, and you saying that builds up my confidence. Thanks.

Glider--I going to give him Variation of the Human Spectrum first, and if he feels any better, I'll give him the others. He needs someone whose been in the same situation as him, and having been through it myself, I think I could help him. Hope he trusts me, I think he thinks of me as a nice person, and first chance I'll tell my friends to apologize to him. Pray to God it works out.

Well, yesterday was our last day in the program. I've made my friends apologize, but I didn't give the boy my poems, not because I was too scared, but because I didn't have any time. When I looked at him Thursday and yesterday, he looked happy, so maybe the kids were teasing him because--well--he probably annoyed themj. Oh well though, if he's happy at camp (he didn't express any sadness), then I'm happy.

I'm going to be in a pottery class next week, so at least that'll be fun.

Hi Batz, I have a feeling that everything is going to be ok with your friend. I think he might have a few challenging times in the future, but that overall he will be alright. It's good that you are there for him. Keep me posted.

Thanks glider for supporting me during last week. I really apprieciated it.

Well today I started pottery class, and it's really fun. You can make whatever you want, and with a few techniques here and there, you can achieve.

I'm trying to make a dragon on a base (or cave, one of the two), possibly filled with bones, jewels, or jars filled with scrolls. I think the jars filled ith scrolls would be the most unique out of all of them, and I think the chinese or Japanese dragon coming from behind would be creative to do. We have a week to do as many projects as we want, so I know i have lots of time to complete it.
I'm interested in this, and it puts your creativity to the test, so it'll be a hobby of mine soon if I really enjoy it (which is sonner than I expecting.)

I didn't see the boy, so maybe he's taking the forensics class (don't like forensics since I had a bad experience with it.)

And right now I just thought of an incredible short story, so now I'm brainstorming on what the plot, point-of-view, characters, etc would be like. I've became inspired by a game's music (well, one of the tracks on my mp3 that is), so it should have that emotion of the music. I thought up of four characters on the spot, and right now I'm thinking up some more. I think it'll be great, but I won't tell you what it's about until I finish it and post it on here. At least it'll have humor in it. And irony--lots of irony.

Hi Batz. How's the pottery class going? The cave idea sounds neat---I love caves. Your idea sounds super. Your story has me interested---sounds like you are most inspired. Please keep me updated.

I've finished crafting the dragon, and I made a sculpture of a humanoid creature with a squirrel tale, so they're ready for baking. I'm still a beginner at pottery, but I think they're gems in my eyes. Everyone wants me to get on the potter's wheel, but I say why do it on a potter's wheel when you can craft it by hand. To me crafting it by hand makes the experience more rewarding. I only do sculptures, but everyone else wanted to do pottery. I mean, there were a few sculptures made by other people, but they didn't take as long as I did. It takes about two days (we have three hours per class) for me to make a sculpture and carve it so the definition's in place. So I only have two projects while everyone else have five, six the most. Oh well, Quality, not quantity, counts in this world.

As for the characters in my story, I think I made one autistic. Not to sound narcississtic, but every character I made in storyies is based off of me, but I can only do it this way to create in-depth characters that are interesting. I usually make have a piece of my personality, and for the rest I make up so they seem real. I mean, all of them have autistic traits, but for one character I made him the definition of autistic. I think I gave the traits I use most in reality, but the other characters are interesting too and give him a counterbalance, so it should be interesting.

If I make them from scratch they don't seem real enough, and I can't make them from other people (well I can if I know you well enough) since it's hard for me to experience what they experience. If I can do it (I usually use their personalities), I'll exaggerate or augment traits to make it mine, but basically I make the physical makeup different from the original.

It'll be a few weeks, maybe months until I make the final draft, so it'll be a busy time for me. Keep me posted.

Batz, it sounds to me like you are experiencing a very wonderful world of autism---a world that you are enjoying. And I enjoy my world too. But I know we both have our challenges---but still---we are happy with our world.

I think it is so important that you keep pursuing those things (like the pottery) in the manner in which you want to---and not as others want you to do. If you don't want to use the potter's wheel---then don't use it. I have this image of your dragon and the other one with the humanoid/squirrel features.

As for your story---it sounds great. I like the using of the autistic traits. In my novel, I have a guy who has AS who later has a son who has classic autism. Writing can keep you very busy---just keep dedicated to giving yourself the time you need to complete it. It may be an hour each day. Or it could be a couple hours each weekend. But---keep with it.

I have two writing projects going on right now. The first is the novel. And the second is a live stage show. It will contain music, a story line, and acrobatics. It will be similar in ways to the shows done by Cirque de Soleil. But, it is very different too. What I am working on with this is quite original. And being original is important. I believe you have a definite originality about your works. The most important thing is to have fun with it. And if my works, or yours, never get published---so what? The fact will remain that we completed something that most people don't. And no one will ever be able to take that away from us. But you know what? I have a feeling that there just might be great promising things for both of us in our works.

Yeah glider, I know we'll make it, and if we don't we made something no one else can make. We have the originality that'll cause our audience to say, "Wow, something you don't see everyday." That'll make us smile for sure.

As for the story, it has a race in it. I was going to make it the main plot, but I did some brainstorming today as I created one of the characters and something clicked in my head: "Why have it as just a humorous story with a simple plot and irony when I could have something bad happen to this character while having the humor and irony? Then one of the other characters would have to fight to achieve his goal."

The race can be a subplot, yet it can go along with the main story, and I guess there can be some humor in it, but after the race it can get serious since one character has to achieve his goal or die an unhappy man. So it can still be a good short story; I just expanded and deviated from my first path, which is always good since the more you brainstorm the more coherent and intense your novel becomes. In other words, a lot more complex than those two 11-minute episodes of those comedy cartoons.

I love the idea of your subplot---so many beginning writers don't work with subplots. But most of the good novels incorporate subplots into them. I like the mixture of your humor with seriousness---and the race. It sounds exciting. I got the feeling from your description that the main character might not have a happy ending. I feel like you will keep your audience guessing a lot as to what will happen next---therefore it won't be predictable. That's very good. A challenge that many of us autistic writers have is utilizing good character interaction between our main characters. By you using (and me too) some autistic characters---we might be better able to show realistic interactions between these characters. I have heard from experts that it isn't the best idea to model your characters after yourself---but I believe in our case (and other autistic authors) it is a brilliant idea to do so. So far, from my experience with teaching writing, I believe you are going about your novel in the correct manner---and that it should be successful. Keep motivated to complete your novel.

My wonderful world of autism

I'd like to ramble on about 3 or 4 of my special interests and 1 of my problems, and hope I don't bore you all to tears. Feedback is welcomed.

Mostly I'm a pretty happy camper and in my 60s now but often people take me for in my 40s. My behavior is unsophisticated and sometimes immature. There are many things in life that give me enormous joy and pleasure. These are a few of them.

I've had a nearly life-long interest in astrology, metaphysics and eastern religion. I consider myself an extraordinarily gifted person in the splinter skill areas of spiritual understanding and inter-species communication. I've studied most eastern religions and Advaita Vedanta in particular. At the age of 8 I was able to levitate my consciousness out of my body and I have a spiritual guru. At the age of 23, I began to study astrology in earnest and have continued to this day. It is my longest held special intellectual interest. Without this interest, life would have far less meaning for me. And with it, I've found my place in the universe.

I see our solar system as a giant being of light and love, and our Sun as the CORE ESSENCE of this great being. I'm not sure about soul, or if I have a personal soul, but if I do have a soul, I believe it is tied in with our star, our glorious sun. I do western astrology and Vedic or Hindu astrology and consider myself very experienced in the field. Of course many people look down on me because of it, and it has prevented me from being accepted as a Christian in terms of fellowship. That's ok. I love Jesus but I'm perfectly happy with my Advaita Vedanta. My guru is Ramana Maharshi and when I found his picture I had an instant sense of belonging to him. I feel he's been with me forever, at least though this whole lifetime.

When younger I used to be a sun worshipper. I would spend hours and hours soaking up the sun's rays. Then I learned this can be harmful so don't do it to the extent I used to. I was born and raised on the coast and had many joyful opportunities to spend on the beach and in the ocean. As far as physical things go, I love the ocean more than anything else in the world, next to the sun, of course.

I also love animals, nearly every animal is my friend. I like to practice communicating with them. When they do something funny or look at me a certain way, I will try to figure out what they are saying and respond back. I have 2 cats and they are both a riot. Especially my little female cat. I got her from a shelter. Her previous owners had her claws surgically removed from all 4 feet. There is no way I would do that to an animal, but she was that way when I got her. She's the most intelligent creature I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with, and I get to spend a lot of time with her since she lives with me. She's beautiful and has beautiful expressive eyes. She talks to me with her eyes all the time, and I try to reciprocate and respond. My other cat is male and very stubborn. He likes to kill and eat birds. I don't like him doing that and will talk to him sometimes for a very long time, about the virtues of birds and how he needs to go after the mice and gophers instead. I tell him how much I love the birds and their birdsong, and beg him please not to kill the birds. We don't have the same kind of rappore that I do with my female cat. My female is definitely an aspie; the male is more NT. In reality I feel that I can communicate with anything. I sense things others are only dimly aware of. I hate the rain but the trees love it. I don't quite hear them, but I know they are ecstatic when it rains. And I talk to the trees. I tell them I understand they love this lousy wretched rain and that I will try to like the rain more for their sake. I feel intimately connected up with everything except humans whom I've mostly hated all my life. I even feel a rapore with rocks and have collected rocks my entire life. They are my special loves.

For maybe 15 years I've been trying to teach myself to paint. I've been collecting brushes, pallettes, various kinds of paper including a watercolor block, and at this point now have 3 water color sets and a few tubes of oil paint. I prefer water color, but find it very difficult. I live in an isolated area. But if I need to return to the city, I plan to take several art courses. I want to learn better techniques of creating water color paintings. I also want to gain the courage to do big pictures. All my attempts have been on the small side. I love water color paintings and when I see one I like, I want to bring it home with me. I have one I bought above my refrigerator. Every time I look at that painting, I am filled with overflowing joy. Ah, if only I could paint like that! It's a constant source of inspiration and I'm so glad it's in my home.

Some of my other interests are natural healing and nutrition, quantum mechanics and numbers, political conspiracy theories, and lots of online research relating to these subjects. Regarding numbers, I've always felt numbers were my best friends. I don't think in visual images or verbal language, I think in numbers. I do calculations for fun. Astrology involves a lot of numbers and angular calculations. I love that. When I can't sleep at night, I do calculations. Like Daniel Tamet, I feel numbers have depth and texture. Numbers are my life even more so than the ocean and sun and the sublime connection I feel with animals and everything else except humans. I believe I feel things in terms of frequency and amplitude and resonance or vibration. All these things have specific numerical values and relationship with each other....which I sense in detail. And this is my native language. So every time I have to communicate with humans, I must translate from my native language into English. I force myself to think in terms of concepts and pictures or visualizations, but when I daydream, it's always back to frequencies, resonations and numbers.

My problem is that I am a motor-mouth, too long winded, as you can see. I can go on and on and on and on....people get bored with my monologues. I want to find out how I can stop doing this and would like people's feedback on that.

Thanks for this opportunity to monolog glider.

Hi Alba and welcome to the list of those of us who find wonderful things in our autism. I found your discussion fascinating and full of enthusiasm for what you enjoy and have talent with. You express the kinds of feelings I wish everyone with AS/autism had---the feelings of finding fun and wonderment with intense special interests. I actually enjoyed reading what you call a "long winded" post---and I wasn't bored with it. Welcome to the list.

Glider18
Garyww
SpongeBobRocksMao
Millie
Pensieve
DeLoreanDude
GeomAsp
BobTheMartian
Inventor
Sunshower
Outlier
Poopylungstuffing
Morgana
Fiddlerpianist
WaterWater
AnAutisticMind
Starr
Scorpileo
ProfessorX
Danielismyname (your poetry is a gift whether you think so or not)
CanyonWind
Sora (I think you have described autistic gifts in your life whether you realize it or not)
Itsallrosie
Gaya
Dustintorch
Ghfreak13579
TheDoctor82
Lionesss
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo (in finding something positive about social aloofness)
Dianitapilla
Lita101 (I added your name because you stated that you want to find the good things in autism---that is positive)
Batz
Joshandspot
Prim8
SteveeVader
Tory_canuck
Alba

You're welcome Alba---actually it's my pleasure to add people to this list. I feel honored that this post/thread that I started has meant so much to many of you with AS/autism. I realize that I have challenges with my AS (and I know the rest of you do too), but I, along with many of you, can also look at our lives and say, "There are many things to be thankful for." There is a good possibility that many of those good things have come from our autistic minds. Like many of you, I get depressed at times. But when I do, I try to focus on those intense special interests and absorb myself into them. That is a tool I use to help myself. I also frequently deal with anxiety issues that is associated with my AS. To calm myself, I absorb myself into those interests whenever I can.

I believe those of us who have AS/autism should make an effort to find interests to help us and make a mental note of what helps. For example, I was dealing with some anxiety last week, and I kept going to the church where I play and working with the organ---experimenting with different sounds and mixtures of organ voices. I would find myself getting calmer as my mind was then focusing on the interest of the organ and away from the anxiety. Something else I can do is work on HO scale models for my train/amusement park layout in the basement. And there are other interests too---but those are just a couple examples.

So this is what this thread is all about---finding good things in our autism. No matter how bad things may seem, there is always something somewhere that is good. We just have to look for it. I firmly believe that autism is a difference and not a disorder. However, we can make it a disorder if we let negatives from it rule our lives. And NTs can also suffer from negatives ruling their lives as well. So, we deserve to enjoy life. NTs have their methods of dealing with depression/anxiety, etc., and we that are autistic have our methods too. One of those methods is locking into our special intense interests and enjoying them. These "special intense interests" is one of the important traits that many of us with AS/autism have. Many of us with AS/autism also have talents and/or savant like skills that can be pleasurable for us. Many times these talents are associated with the interests. So rather than dwell on bad things, let us look into these interests/talents and see how they work in our lives.

I am not saying that we should completely turn our backs on the bad things. For example, I have been worrying about my class load at school next school year. Since I teach the gifted program, there aren't that many students with IQs of 128 or above. And those students with IQs that high usually have such a busy schedule that they can't work my class into their schedules. At last check, only one student is signed up for my class next year. However, the Ohio law states that all identified gifted students must be served by the gifted intervention specialist. So, somehow, our district must reach them. But if they don't take my class, how can they be reached? Well...I must negotiate a method of working with those students through their other classes rather than in my class. That is how many gifted teachers work. But, this is a worry to me. Will my school adopt that plan? Or will they try to have the parents of gifted students sign a "I don't want my gifted child served" form. And if that happens, how can I teach a full-time schedule with only one student for 51 minutes day? But, I have tenure. I have a permanent certificate in English. But if I go back to English---there are the problems I faced every school day for 19 years in the classroom. Aghhh!! !

Calm down...calm down...I need to think about something good. Ok...ok...right now I have been interested in getting my amusement park model completed. I have laid out on my hobby table the pieces to my park's ballroom. I have started building it. That is fun. My amusement park/roller coaster interest is extreme indeed. It was a main focus of my growing-up years. They were on my mind nearly every waking moment of my life. I can absorb into my amusement park world. There, I can ride the rides of my fantasies. And to make it real, I am building an HO scale model of it. It has taken years so far to accumulate and build the models for it. It has been a lifelong obsession and dream. But it is happening.

Just from the above paragraph, I have gone from worry/anxiety of my job to calmness and excitement with a special intense interest. But still, I must deal with the issue at my school. And that is fine. I have to approach the administration about the situation. But, after I work with that problem, I can then take a break from my problems and absorb into the interest thing---and feel good. And that is what I hope all of us can do. We have to feel good about ourselves---at least sometimes. And I can honestly say, "I enjoy being autistic, and I am thankful to be autistic."

Great post Glider.
I've been on my own for a few days, so I have to cook, clean and feed my pets. It has been exhausting because I'm not used to such work, and I usually can't do too much in a day. But I'm happy because I finally made another meal besides chicken and stir fry vegetables, lol.
I still haven't got a job but my case worker is still focused on getting me a job in the area of photography. I asked about instead of looking for what's available I put in a 'work wanted' ad in the paper. I still feel nervous about starting any work though.
I've got a few new special interests; playing and training my dog. I'm amazed at how fast she can learn a command. They say jack russells are smart but whoa. I love being autistic because my pets are my best friends.
I still have not sat down and started my story yet. I must get motivated to do that. That is why I hope I can get diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, because there might be more help there for me than for my AS.
There's a grey kitten in the neighbourhood that has become a bit of an obsession. It's a stray so I'm allowed to have it but it keeps running away from me.
The concert photography is still hard because of loud noises and crowds but I'm still doing it because I'm good at it, it just gets a bit stressful.

Thank you Pensieve, it's good to hear from you. I bet you were getting tired of the stir fry. That would be wonderful if you could get a job in photography. From what I know of you from your posts, it's hard for me to imagine you were working a job that doesn't involve photography---but I know there are other areas that you would be good at. However, you will find the most happiness in a job that involves your interests. Your new dog sounds sweet, and good luck with the kitten. There are about a dozen stray cats near me. I would love to give them to you .

You brought up a point that I always wondered about---your concert photography and the noise. I have gone to concerts before and the noise often gets to me. You have shown a positive here. Even though the noise level is stressful, you are able to perform your job because you focus on a good---that you are good at it, so therefore that allows you to complete the concert photography.

If it will help you, I hope that you can get your diagnosis of inattentive ADHD. My oldest son was strongly thought by his doctor to have ADHD. He was put on Strattera, but it made him real depressed-like and we had to take him off of it. Then we took him to evening tutoring for awhile at a place that offered help for students with similar situations. It helped him quite a bit. Now he is doing fairly well at school if we keep reminding him to remember to do his assignments. He has the tendency to conveniently forget about them. My youngest son is going for evaluation in a few weeks for AS, or possibly some other autism spectrum diagnosis. I wonder if he might be PDD-NOS. I am anxious to learn how that turns out.

Today we had to paint the pots and sculptures. Mine were safe, thank goodness, but I felt sad for the people whose pots exploded in the kiln.

I was practicing writing today, mainly from the Fiction Writer's Workshop, a book I had since last year. Two exercises caught my eye when I came to the chapter on description and word choice. I did a couple of them, and they seem fine to me, but I need someone to check them. Here are the exercises:

Exercise one: Write a sentence and use a simple word in an odd way--as, for example, scratch is used: "The dying man's eyes seemed to scratch the ceiling." Write a dozen such sentences and save the three or four that work best; revise them until you think they're perfect.

Exercise two: Make a verb out of a noun in a sentence. (For example, "She brained him with a hatchet," "I scissored a cigarette between fingers," "She hatcheted him," "Her dog treed my cat," (Don't know about that last one though.)

Okay... so maybe I can't do these exercises while making one sentence at the top of my head, so I wrote a scene and incorporated both in it. It might sound messed up in some area, but it's an experiment. Words from exercise one are in bold. Words from exercise two are in italics. Here goes:

Zerlina screamed as Dannel and the doctors armed her to the bed in Room 214, her shrill seeming to grate the wall across form her. Hands tensed, arms taut, she pushed her abdomen, and from her cervix the pressure slipped from her, yet her legs—spread out—tingled the moment a bulb no larger than the width of her thumb crept forward. She screamed again. Louder. Again.

In front of her Adabelle pulled the bulb inches at a time. “You got to hold on!”

“I can’t!” Zerlina said. “I… I just can’t!”

Adabelle tugged the bulb. More inches this time. “Yes you can. Just gotta believe in yourself after that's all." She tugged again, and the bulb metamorphosed into a newbrn’s head. Almost got it, but a whiff of blood seemed to scrape and squeeze her stomach. Her vision fading, seeing two Zerlinas then one spinning separating into two again, Adabelle’s arms quaked, an ocean of sweat waterfalling into mini puddles. From her face to her neck she reddened. While she huffed the moment her tricep twinged, tingled as if a poker branded it days—weeks ago—her eyes opened with such longing and stings from her sweatbrows they seemed to tear Zerlina’s cloth; her nostrils blew bullishly they seemed to rot the beams and corrode the nails from their joints. “C’mon, come out!”

The head doctor was scratched by Adabelle’s aura—so much his eyes widened, and from what seemed like silenced changed into a murmur of a heartbeat—his heartbeat. “Ar—Are you okay madam?” But his words only gripped the air the moment Aabelle tugged once more, arms taut yet flexible, her elbows now past her ribs.

From Zerlina’s cervix came a cry. She screamed, her back arching, her hands gripped her palms tight as a bear trap. One more push, then the pressure—gone. No tingle. Her abdomen ceased to move, and with her back slumped on the sweat-drenched bed. She lifted her head, and in front of her stood Adabelle smiling, grasping a newborn--whose umbilical cord attached to his navel--crying in her hands and arms drenched in blood. Adabelle smiling. the newborn crying. Zerlina stared at them with such desire her lips quivered and her eyes seemed to caress and lubricate Adabelle and the newborn, then—twin waterfalls and a deluge of snot from her nostrils. Sunlight beamed through the crater-filled window and shined through her aura, producing to what some would view as an angle caressing her face and anointing her with Jesus’ blood. Hic. Thank you… thank you Adabelle.

From the instant her streams waterfalled, Dannel stepped to her side and dammed one stream with his finger, and the next moment, caressing his kitten’s face. With his arms outstretched he embraced her, and their aura mixed, soothing the doctors and Adabelle’s mind, even making some of the doctors crying. “We… we did it!” he whispered.

Zerlina gazed at Adabelle, whose grin and glistening eyes dialed onto her. She grinned. Chuckles. More chuckles. “No… Adabelle did most of the work.”

Dannel’s eyes seemed to drenched Zerlina as her words embraced him. That’s right, and with wistful compassion he bowed to Adabelle, tears dripping to the cloth. “Thank you! Just tell me anything and we’ll do it for you.”

“Aaah, you don’t have to do that,” Adabelle said. She handed the newborn to Zerlina. Then she fanned her forehead. “So, what’re going to name him?”

“I… I don’t know,” Zerlina said, placing her finger on the newborn as he gripped it. Names came to her. One by one she refused each one coming to her mind. She smiled a few moments later and gazed at Adabelle. Her thought dialed into Adabelle’s the instant they nodded. “Gunner. “Yeah… that’s what I’ll call him—Gunner.”

Adabelle ruffled her brown hair and smiled, her cheeks reddening more than usual, her hair now painted with blood. But she didn’t care. Gunner, huh? “That’s perfect for him.” And she paused and stared at the newborn. Hearts and minds synthesized into one, melded into God's creation. “Yeah… perfect.”

I just need to see if this seems fine to other people cince I gave an example to my friend and she was like, "What?" Thanks, and thanks glider for this post. Really brought back my interest on the computer. I hope the best is to come for every autistic person.