First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Yes. But the reason I asked that was because I noticed that my classmates seem to be happy and carefree and having fun all the time. And I was wondering whether to take that at face value, or if there's something else going on.

To be honest, I feel most people put up a front with strangers. They only reveal their "true selves" to their closest friends.

I feel this is especially true in high school, where people harp on every little deviancy from what is considered "normal." In high school, people, in general, are very guarded with their emotions.

Thank you for your insight. You are probably right. I just wanted to hear from an NT, to make sure.

One of my past therapists told me that basically everyone goes around with a social mask, and that I shouldn't assume I'm the only one that feels a certain way just based on the outward appearances of everyone else.

Question: Do NTs have a "singles radar" in which they can pick up whether or not a person is in a relationship? Because it seems like everyone is in one, so how do people know if someone is available and ripe for the picking?

Good to know. I hope you're right.

My life experience has, pretty much, confirmed Yingeren's statement.

It's not that people are "phony" necessarily--it's that the "mask" is a survival mechanism.

It goes back to the time, early in Man's history, when things were really dangerous.

It's not a particularly interesting answer, but put simply, they ask. It's one of the most common questions NT's ask when meeting someone for the first time.
Although to be honest, if the social media messages my wife gets are anything to go by, a lot of male NT's don't seem to care that much if a girl is taken anyway. Lol.

Really, it's a common question? Wouldn't that be construed as an obvious interest in them and turn the other person off?

Usually, they ask the question revert: "Do you have a boyfriend?". It sounds more like interest in knowing the other person.

I have read that some people can "guess" it with more /or less certainty even before asking.

Last edited by LaetiBlabla on 29 Jan 2016, 12:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I often find people ask regardless of their intention, even people who are happily married and in no way "romantically interested" in me at some point ask. It seems to be a common small talk question along with questions like "What do you do for work?" etc.
Because it's a common small talk question the intention of the asker or their interest isn't always obvious, in addition to this sometimes the question gets asked indirectly such as "are you here with your boyfriend?" etc.
Showing an obvious interest in somebody isn't necessarily off-putting, I think it just needs to come across as casual and not too in-your-face.

This one question... I'm forced to confront every new day with every new nt social interaction. I have no f*****g idea whey everybody is so secretive about their intentions and feelings. Baffles me, I'm subtle as well, I understand you can't be an open book, but I make sure to insert little comments here and there that better explain how I feel or how I feel towards them, just in case my nonverbal signals aren't getting the message across. This is something I do in conversation on a regular basis. I get many NT's complimenting my emotional honesty and thanking me for my reassuring nature, but it seems they just never ever learn to do it themselves, even towards me. It seems most NT's I run into lack this empathy. I believe it is because they arent hypersensitive socially so they don't get thrown off emotionally by others lack of straightforwardness.

Most of my anxiety has been because I have so many times thought somebody hated me who really liked me or thought somebody liked me that didnt at all. At this point, unless you're a certain level of straightforward, you will probably stress me out socially, no matter what

NT's misread just as much as people on the spectrum do, more than me probably. The only difference is there is more tolerance to the NT who misreads because it's always seemingly more innocent. There's something about the social blunders in an aspie that makes people uncomfortable vs an NT, and I think it's because "strange" or "eccentric" people have less tolerance in certain areas.

I think that something very important for an NT is : "How do others see me?"

I think that for NTs:
When other people speak to them (positive or negative), the others function like a Mirror and gives them a self-image.
They also know that conversely, they themselves function like a Mirror for the other people when they speak (positive or negative).

A self-image based on the opinion of others is very fragile, and this could explain that they pay very much attention not to hurt it, even if little lies are needed.

That is my personal understanding, in any case this helps me to understand all the NT interactions.

My true point had been that people on the spectrum generally fake much more, and that some of them (on the spectrum) lie a lot, make the more serious lies and succomb to illusions about themselves.

Some of what you write seems to negatively generalize about people on the spectrum. I noticed you wrote about manipulation earlier by people on the spectrum, which surprised me since it is far more common for a person on the spectrum to be a victim of manipulation.

What has happened to you that you feel this way?

You are right that I generalized too much. When saying the above I was thinking only about high-functioning people on the spectrum. As for the negativity, I cant help: things are like they are.

What happened to me that I feel this way.

First I found that Goethe was on the spectrum (can be diagnosed quite easily posthumously because of the his autobiographic writing and the account of his mothers childhood memories by Bettine von Arnim, Prof. Michael Fitzgerald has advanced the thesis, too): although he had trouble as a youngster with lying, and with getting that he got caught (one of the few more interesting aphorism of his says: The one who learns to deceive late in life, is preceded by the repution of being honnest") he is not what one would call a non-manipulative person or a person that does not lie. "Goethe und seine Opfer" ("Goethe and his victims" from Tilman Jens) would be a pretty comprehensive book on that subject, if it took into accounbt also Goethe s biggest cheat.
Then a deeply wicked custody process and the even more wicked one of an Asperger friend of mine: It is not only my and her ex-psychopath, but also the forensic experts, the judges, lawyers and some of the CSA people who are on the spectrum. I have argued elsewhere why Aspergers feel particularly attracted to psychology/psychiatry and law/juridic professions (it is logic why if one dares to think logically), and have a pretty impressive number of quite telling examples (if you like).
Finally Germany s stellar-bestselling racist Thilo Sarrazin: advocates an eugenics in favor of what he calls "high-giftedness-gene carriers" (most Germans and this time including Jews, because what he calls "Judengen" "jew gene" seems to be equivalent to "high-giftedness-gene") and - less overtly - against low-IQ muslims, turks (who must have some unpleasant genes in them and also some Germans that live on social benefits). Plus the insight that he is not the only Asperger who advocats - or advocated- such kind of theories. Not by far.

That is not all, but part of it.