09 Dec 2012, 7:18 am
Noetic wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Erisad wrote:
What about the fat Aspie women who aren't attractive? We can't get a man either. We're viewed as genderless and therefore, not worth a man's time. I can't even get a date from online dating sites because they act all interested and when we have a date set up, they wait until the last minute to cancel. People will say, "ohhh, why can't you get a boyfriend?" and I tell them that I'm not pretty enough to outweigh my AS. So I'm an ugly socially awkward girl, which means I'm male-repellant. People tell me to be positive but how can I when I'm always alone. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking that no one will ever love me, I'll never get married and have kids like I've dreamed of since I was 5. So it's not just you guys who have it rough, okay? :/
Wooooow. I almost didn't recognize that this post was from me 2 years ago. Well, I'm now dating a very nice fella for almost a year and a half and we're talking about spending our lives together. I guess things really do get better when you let them. I've also lost over 80 pounds and feeling better about life. Hooray.
That's great news
Thanks. I figured some positivity was needed in this thread. Hopefully it helps somebody out.
Verdandi
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09 Dec 2012, 7:19 am
09 Dec 2012, 8:25 am
Verdandi wrote:
fluffypinkyellow wrote:
I am a woman with Asperger's. It is amazingly dismissive and sexist to say it is a non-issue for me.
A lot of men on this forum seem to believe that women with AS have an effortless experience with relationships. I find this a curious belief, but also frustrating to engage. My own experiences seem contrary to that, as I've had very few relationships or potential relationships and I tend to fail at them because I don't really care enough about them or handle them well.
Certain men on this forum have a number of beliefs about women that I find "curious" to put it mildly.
My favorite is the notion that having boobs means you don't have to work and aren't expected to accomplish anything with your life.
As for the "relationships" thing, it easier for women to get SEX, but actual RELATIONSHIPS are a completely different matter. Of course, some men equate having sex to having a "relationship," but those types aren't worth bothering with.
It makes me thankful I'm asexual.
Verdandi
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09 Dec 2012, 8:29 am
whirlingmind
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09 Dec 2012, 8:29 am
09 Dec 2012, 8:30 am
Erisad wrote:
Erisad wrote:
What about the fat Aspie women who aren't attractive? We can't get a man either. We're viewed as genderless and therefore, not worth a man's time. I can't even get a date from online dating sites because they act all interested and when we have a date set up, they wait until the last minute to cancel. People will say, "ohhh, why can't you get a boyfriend?" and I tell them that I'm not pretty enough to outweigh my AS. So I'm an ugly socially awkward girl, which means I'm male-repellant. People tell me to be positive but how can I when I'm always alone. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking that no one will ever love me, I'll never get married and have kids like I've dreamed of since I was 5. So it's not just you guys who have it rough, okay? :/
Wooooow. I almost didn't recognize that this post was from me 2 years ago. Well, I'm now dating a very nice fella for almost a year and a half and we're talking about spending our lives together. I guess things really do get better when you let them. I've also lost over 80 pounds and feeling better about life. Hooray.
That rocks!
Oh, and holy necro-thread, Batman. I didn't realize how old this thing was.
09 Dec 2012, 8:31 am
Verdandi wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
As for the "relationships" thing, it easier for women to get SEX, but actual RELATIONSHIPS are a completely different matter. Of course, some men equate having sex to having a "relationship," but those types aren't worth bothering with.
It makes me thankful I'm asexual.
It makes me thankful I'm asexual.
Yeah, I think one of the few things that exceeds my incompetence at relationships is my lack of interest in them. And I'm okay with that, really. And being asexual.
Ditto.
Verdandi
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09 Dec 2012, 8:42 am
XFilesGeek wrote:
Ditto.
It's better than feeling like some kind of failure for not being able to manage them and not even really wanting one in the first place.
A few years ago my mother was pretty negative about my not having a family.
09 Dec 2012, 8:47 am
XFilesGeek wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Erisad wrote:
What about the fat Aspie women who aren't attractive? We can't get a man either. We're viewed as genderless and therefore, not worth a man's time. I can't even get a date from online dating sites because they act all interested and when we have a date set up, they wait until the last minute to cancel. People will say, "ohhh, why can't you get a boyfriend?" and I tell them that I'm not pretty enough to outweigh my AS. So I'm an ugly socially awkward girl, which means I'm male-repellant. People tell me to be positive but how can I when I'm always alone. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking that no one will ever love me, I'll never get married and have kids like I've dreamed of since I was 5. So it's not just you guys who have it rough, okay? :/
Wooooow. I almost didn't recognize that this post was from me 2 years ago. Well, I'm now dating a very nice fella for almost a year and a half and we're talking about spending our lives together. I guess things really do get better when you let them. I've also lost over 80 pounds and feeling better about life. Hooray.
That rocks!
Oh, and holy necro-thread, Batman. I didn't realize how old this thing was.
Lol, that's why I was confused at first. Then I looked at the date and I was like, "Oh. Thaaaat's why I'm such a miserable git in that post."
And right after I made that first post I ended up in a relationship with a man that was not good for me at all. We dated for a couple months and his mother made him break it off with me. I definitely dodged a bullet there. After that I spent time making myself better and then my friend introduced me to my now boyfriend.
09 Dec 2012, 8:50 am
Verdandi wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Ditto.
It's better than feeling like some kind of failure for not being able to manage them and not even really wanting one in the first place.
A few years ago my mother was pretty negative about my not having a family.
Thankfully, both of my parents are introverts with "asexual traits," so they've never bothered me about my lack of relationships.
In any case, I feel like I'm doing humanity a favor. I'm not able to satisfy another human either sexually or emotionally; therefore, I have no business inflicting myself on others. It sure beats being one of those destructive-types who destroy other people in their never-ending quest for a oxytocin fix.
It also helps that I can't tolerate human touch. Blarg.
Verdandi
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09 Dec 2012, 8:53 am
09 Dec 2012, 9:00 am
09 Dec 2012, 9:05 am
Verdandi
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09 Dec 2012, 9:25 am
XFilesGeek wrote:
If someone other than my mother touches me, it's like I'll feel it for the rest of the day. It's like a ghost is touching me and I the feeling doesn't let up until a significant amount of time has passed, or I can get home and scrub thoroughly.
It's not that bad for me, although it can last for a few hours. The last time someone touched me by surprise (an older man telling me not to drink Dr. Pepper in the Costco parking lot, he laid his hand on my arm) I had to go back in and scrub my arm to make the sensation go away.
Quote:
As for the "pity" of others, people think there is something "wrong" with me not wanting sex, not feeling like my assigned gender, collecting and being obsessed with action figures as a 29 year old woman, ect. I've grown accustomed to it. I consider myself reasonably decent person, so if the only think they care about is my lack of normalcy, screw 'em.
Indeed. It annoyed me, but it is utterly meaningless otherwise.
Quote:
Here's to being one of the "wyrd sisters," Verandi.
Cheers!
Cheers!
Well played.
09 Dec 2012, 9:29 am
09 Dec 2012, 9:38 am
hanyo wrote:
johnnydangerous wrote:
But if you're a pretty woman with aspergers, it just doesn't matter. In fact men might even like you MORE because of it.
I've never found that being an attractive woman helped me get relationships. I've only found that it helped me get sex.
Indeed, Hanyo. And I don't even like sex.
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