The worst thing a bully has done to you

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Spiderpig
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26 Jul 2016, 9:04 am

There's nothing wrong with so-called "negative" thoughts. The truth hurts—that's how you know it when you see it.


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aja675
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26 Jul 2016, 9:14 am

Spiderpig wrote:
There's nothing wrong with so-called "negative" thoughts. The truth hurts—that's how you know it when you see it.

It's just that I kind of am a pain addict.



Jensen
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26 Jul 2016, 3:47 pm

The worst.
No. 1: about 4-5 "mates" drew up my blouse and pinched me, while they discussed, if I could feel pain or not.
I was overweight and the subject was , "Can fat people feel pain?". (You bet, I did).
2No.: 10-12 "comrades" surrounded me and dangled a spider before my eyes and put it under my blouse. The school yard guardian deliberately turned his back on the scenery.
My knees just went jelly. I collapsed and do not remember more.
I guess, that experience stayed with me.

A few other times parts of my body was exposed to be laughed at.
No, I haven´t got over it.
(First time I ever revealed this).


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GeekChic
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26 Jul 2016, 9:53 pm

The worst I had was in high school, although I was bullied from first grade through early college. I had knee surgery sophomore year and a male bully that I had been in school with since grade 1 knocked me down on the stairs and took my crutches and left me there. Luckily I had a heavy brace on the knee or it would have been very bad. I also had long, straight hair which I wore down back then (it is always up in a bun now) two very mean girls sat behind me and threw tiny balls of chewed gum into my hair during class. I could not feel it, but the back of my hair was full of gum, and it had to be cut out. There was so much verbal cruelty, I cannot begin to recount it. The neighbor boy hit me in the face with a baseball bat and broke my nose. My only experiences of children were utterly cruel and completely intolerant of any deviation from "the norm." Sadly, as I have read in many of these posts, a fair number of adults seemed to feel similarly and didn't mind picking on me themselves. They also frequently looked the other way when they saw other kids being cruel. I find this culture to be very strange, horrible, and impossible to understand. :(


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Edenthiel
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26 Jul 2016, 9:58 pm

Jensen wrote:
The worst.
No. 1: about 4-5 "mates" drew up my blouse and pinched me, while they discussed, if I could feel pain or not.
I was overweight and the subject was , "Can fat people feel pain?". (You bet, I did).
2No.: 10-12 "comrades" surrounded me and dangled a spider before my eyes and put it under my blouse. The school yard guardian deliberately turned his back on the scenery.
My knees just went jelly. I collapsed and do not remember more.
I guess, that experience stayed with me.

A few other times parts of my body was exposed to be laughed at.
No, I haven´t got over it.
(First time I ever revealed this).


Wow, that's terrible. They treated you as if you deserved no bodily sovereignty.
Good for you for finally talking about it.


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Spiderpig
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26 Jul 2016, 10:20 pm

There's nothing strange about the law of the jungle.


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aja675
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26 Jul 2016, 11:00 pm

Do you think people become nicer as they grow older, or do they just learn to hide their meanness?



aja675
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26 Jul 2016, 11:10 pm

You see, realizing that people don't outgrow bullying at 16 or 17 made me really pessimistic, like people will always be mean to me no matter how old me and my peers will get.



aja675
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27 Jul 2016, 2:07 am

viewtopic.php?t=307787

Here's a thread I made when I was still being bullied.



Misery
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27 Jul 2016, 2:40 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Lots of people remind me of different bullies. I've come to believe every healthy human, deep inside, knows instictively that bullying is really the way to go and any and every form of weakness deserves nothing but contempt. It may be a bit concealed by social graces, but it's there and only weak and pathetic individuals like me seem to lack it, not out of any noble inclination, of course, but of pure cowardice, because we know the day justice is served according to the law of the jungle, we'll die in the horrible pain our weakness will rightfully earn us.

Bullies sowed the seeds for me to begin to understand this many years later. In a way, this is the worst thing they did to me, but it can just as well be argued to be the best, as facts don't go away just because they're ignored.


I have trouble believing in that concept.

One thing I learned over my time at high school was very simple, yet very important: Bullies, as a rule, dont have the power they think they have. Physical strength isnt everything.... which is exactly why they try so hard to convince you that it is. Break past that illusion, and they.... drop like flies.

At the start of high school, all of them picked on me alot. All the time. Just... constantly. Soon enough, this got annoying, as you might guess. Eventually, I realized something: physical strength is one thing, but CONTROL is much more powerful. So, I found ways to gain control and manipulate things to go the way I wanted. No violence, no rule breaking. I refused to do either. Regardless though, by senior year, none of them were stupid enough to get in my way again, which also rather prevented them from pestering those around me. Needless to say, this was useful. As they focused entirely on intimidation and force to get their way, they just couldnt overcome this sort of thing.

The way I see it, the easiest type of fight to win, is the sort where the opponent isnt able to throw even one punch. Where strength and such simply stops mattering.

The problem though of course is that most bullies will throw around so much intimidation and force that their targets just cant think of a way around it... fear will do that, after all, which is what they count on. But as a rule, they're still vulnerable to that sort of thing. And even if that doesnt work, once high school or whatever is over, often those targets of theirs will go on to achieve a higher station than the bully did... watched that one happen a few times. The worst of the bullies in my school, I later found out, basically ended up devolving into a petty thief after graduation. Who got caught, naturally. His previous targets? Were doing pretty darned well for themselves. All that strength and intimidation led up to a whole lot of nothing, and those who were "weak" proved themselves just fine

But if one continues to believe themselves to be weak and pathetic... likely, that's what they'll remain. Which is why I try to always encourage people NOT to think like that.



aja675
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27 Jul 2016, 2:44 am

aja675 wrote:
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=307787

Here's a thread I made when I was still being bullied.

Note to self: these people didn't even know the real you and the person they were making fun of was the person you pretended to be. I said something like this on Facebook, and they were amazed by this fact.



aja675
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27 Jul 2016, 4:00 am

aja675 wrote:
aja675 wrote:
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=307787

Here's a thread I made when I was still being bullied.

Note to self: these people didn't even know the real you and the person they were making fun of was the person you pretended to be. I said something like this on Facebook, and they were amazed by this fact.

I used to be pretend to be stupid, and that's part of why I got made fun of.



aja675
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27 Jul 2016, 7:01 am

Misery wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Lots of people remind me of different bullies. I've come to believe every healthy human, deep inside, knows instictively that bullying is really the way to go and any and every form of weakness deserves nothing but contempt. It may be a bit concealed by social graces, but it's there and only weak and pathetic individuals like me seem to lack it, not out of any noble inclination, of course, but of pure cowardice, because we know the day justice is served according to the law of the jungle, we'll die in the horrible pain our weakness will rightfully earn us.

Bullies sowed the seeds for me to begin to understand this many years later. In a way, this is the worst thing they did to me, but it can just as well be argued to be the best, as facts don't go away just because they're ignored.


I have trouble believing in that concept.

One thing I learned over my time at high school was very simple, yet very important: Bullies, as a rule, dont have the power they think they have. Physical strength isnt everything.... which is exactly why they try so hard to convince you that it is. Break past that illusion, and they.... drop like flies.

At the start of high school, all of them picked on me alot. All the time. Just... constantly. Soon enough, this got annoying, as you might guess. Eventually, I realized something: physical strength is one thing, but CONTROL is much more powerful. So, I found ways to gain control and manipulate things to go the way I wanted. No violence, no rule breaking. I refused to do either. Regardless though, by senior year, none of them were stupid enough to get in my way again, which also rather prevented them from pestering those around me. Needless to say, this was useful. As they focused entirely on intimidation and force to get their way, they just couldnt overcome this sort of thing.

The way I see it, the easiest type of fight to win, is the sort where the opponent isnt able to throw even one punch. Where strength and such simply stops mattering.

The problem though of course is that most bullies will throw around so much intimidation and force that their targets just cant think of a way around it... fear will do that, after all, which is what they count on. But as a rule, they're still vulnerable to that sort of thing. And even if that doesnt work, once high school or whatever is over, often those targets of theirs will go on to achieve a higher station than the bully did... watched that one happen a few times. The worst of the bullies in my school, I later found out, basically ended up devolving into a petty thief after graduation. Who got caught, naturally. His previous targets? Were doing pretty darned well for themselves. All that strength and intimidation led up to a whole lot of nothing, and those who were "weak" proved themselves just fine

But if one continues to believe themselves to be weak and pathetic... likely, that's what they'll remain. Which is why I try to always encourage people NOT to think like that.

Some of my bullies were your stereotypical bullies who had bad upbringings and anger issues, but some of them were actually functional human beings and they often make me feel like it was all a "the winner takes it all, the loser standing small'' situation.



aja675
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27 Jul 2016, 8:10 am

I know I've posted here so many times, but I just want someone to talk to.



Edenthiel
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27 Jul 2016, 12:23 pm

aja675 wrote:
I know I've posted here so many times, but I just want someone to talk to.

Truth be told, that's why any of us post! :) :) :)

It's nice to be part of a community (even with conflicting opinions & personalities) if only because there is going to be someone here who is likely to understand some aspect of you that few others do.


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aja675
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28 Jul 2016, 3:28 am

aja675 wrote:
Misery wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Lots of people remind me of different bullies. I've come to believe every healthy human, deep inside, knows instictively that bullying is really the way to go and any and every form of weakness deserves nothing but contempt. It may be a bit concealed by social graces, but it's there and only weak and pathetic individuals like me seem to lack it, not out of any noble inclination, of course, but of pure cowardice, because we know the day justice is served according to the law of the jungle, we'll die in the horrible pain our weakness will rightfully earn us.

Bullies sowed the seeds for me to begin to understand this many years later. In a way, this is the worst thing they did to me, but it can just as well be argued to be the best, as facts don't go away just because they're ignored.


I have trouble believing in that concept.

One thing I learned over my time at high school was very simple, yet very important: Bullies, as a rule, dont have the power they think they have. Physical strength isnt everything.... which is exactly why they try so hard to convince you that it is. Break past that illusion, and they.... drop like flies.

At the start of high school, all of them picked on me alot. All the time. Just... constantly. Soon enough, this got annoying, as you might guess. Eventually, I realized something: physical strength is one thing, but CONTROL is much more powerful. So, I found ways to gain control and manipulate things to go the way I wanted. No violence, no rule breaking. I refused to do either. Regardless though, by senior year, none of them were stupid enough to get in my way again, which also rather prevented them from pestering those around me. Needless to say, this was useful. As they focused entirely on intimidation and force to get their way, they just couldnt overcome this sort of thing.

The way I see it, the easiest type of fight to win, is the sort where the opponent isnt able to throw even one punch. Where strength and such simply stops mattering.

The problem though of course is that most bullies will throw around so much intimidation and force that their targets just cant think of a way around it... fear will do that, after all, which is what they count on. But as a rule, they're still vulnerable to that sort of thing. And even if that doesnt work, once high school or whatever is over, often those targets of theirs will go on to achieve a higher station than the bully did... watched that one happen a few times. The worst of the bullies in my school, I later found out, basically ended up devolving into a petty thief after graduation. Who got caught, naturally. His previous targets? Were doing pretty darned well for themselves. All that strength and intimidation led up to a whole lot of nothing, and those who were "weak" proved themselves just fine

But if one continues to believe themselves to be weak and pathetic... likely, that's what they'll remain. Which is why I try to always encourage people NOT to think like that.

Some of my bullies were your stereotypical bullies who had bad upbringings and anger issues, but some of them were actually functional human beings and they often make me feel like it was all a "the winner takes it all, the loser standing small'' situation.

I mean, some of them had way better grades than me, who was too busy crying over them to do any academic achievements.