To be brutally honest.

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I'm pretty new here and am a bit confused by this post. I've seen a little negativity in reply comments to certain threads that had a feeling of... arrogance? The problem with online forums is that there is no tone, facial expressions to decipher, body language, or anything, so what one person thinks sounds reasonable could sound incredibly insulting to another. For the most part I just see people being people and I love it here.

I may be wrong, but it looks like there is a lot of miscommunication going on in this thread, especially with the definition or clarification of what negativity everyone is talking about. Are we talking about depressing posts or "you're stupid" replies?

I meant while she was still alive, why weren't you helping her?

I'm afraid I have this internal 'Uh oh' response whenever I hear a person talk about their 'friend who committed suicide'

and then to compound the effect we have you here demanding that people with a more negative frame of mind take themselves away off to the Haven

I like to support people who feel depressed and negative, not tell them to go away!

Last edited by nessa238 on 23 Jan 2013, 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

on 2, you are frankly incorrect. the site helps some people and for other people it makes their depression worse. it isn't a one-size-fits-all scenario. the site isn't intended as such, but many people can and do benefit from the way it is now.

maybe you could start a poll in The Haven or General Autism Discussion and ask who has benefited and who has not? it may be eye-opening for you. your perspective is not really accurate.

this is worth quoting. OP, maybe you could clarify?

That's because the site is dominated by posters that are not as severely effected by it as others are.


I have no denial that, being able to vent openly without restriction regardless of the thread or context is cathartic and therapeutic for those that post here, but it's obvious that for a larger audience it is not.

If you turn off the heat in a building, and after a month there's only 1 person out of 300 complaining, that does not mean the building that is warm, it simply means that only those that can withstand the cold will frequent it.

I have a question for you, Stoek and deltafunction.

At what point does personal responsibility step in? At what point do you think that it is up to the perusers of this forum to moderate which threads they click into? Should everyone carefully regulate the amount of negativity they include in any given post, just in case it makes someone else feel bad*?

*Note: I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. I'm genuinely curious as to what exactly you think should happen to change how this forum works. Unless you're saying that the mods should begin policing messages for errant traces of negativity, I'm not quite sure how what you're proposing is feasible.

It's basic psych? I have taken basic pysch, why should I take your word on this when i have used this site longer so I have a better understanding of it, I have the qualifications you said I would need to have an understanding (basic psych), you are not a trained professional, and without a doubt it is your opinion that this site is harmful to the vast majority of users when you have just said that you have no qualifications and no way to back up what you are saying (I mean sources that would pertain)

Last edited by Delphiki on 23 Jan 2013, 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Figuring out how a post will affect others can be a very, very difficult thing. Sometimes it can be an impossible thing since you don't know exactly who is reading your posts (other than the people you are responding to who are presumably reading your responses). Figuring out how to pitch a post so that it won't affect anybody negatively (including lurkers) may very well be impossible since different people want such different things. You can't please everyone. Some people are negatively affected by positivity. There have been a number of threads on that specific topic as people write how thrilled they are to find a place where positivity isn't an enforced social norm.

I find the task of figuring out how my posts will affect others here to be considerably more difficult here than it is in face to face interactions. Since I am NT (pretty much), I use body language to gauge how my words are being recieved by somebody I'm talking to and that isn't an option here (or on any forum). Nevertheless I post here an awful lot because in real life my pedantic and somewhat clinical communication style annoys many other people. I have to reign that aspect of myself in in face to face interaction but here I can really let loose with the clinical detachment and logical pedantry. From time to time I have undoubtedly given coldly logical assessments of a problem when a poster actually wanted a shoulder to cry on. The good thing about the Haven is that it is known to be tyhe place where you go for a shoulder to cry on. General Autism Discussion seems more a place to discuss problem solving. Although NT, I do share a few of the problems people discuss here, if not the diagnosis. I always take part in dyscalcula discussions (which are in General, not Haven because people want solutions) because I have a real and major problem with that. I also dislike having to put on a positive front at all times and like that this is a place where a positive front is not required. At least until this thread.

I have no idea how this post will be recieved. Maybe it will anger some. Others will agree. Still others will find it irrelevent. It's impossible to write a post that hits the spot for everyone. Unless you are Callista. Where did she go? She is able to write posts that are always exactly the right thing to say in any given thread. I wish I could do that but I can't and neither can most other posters because it is a gift given to only a few. But luckily many post anyway even if what they say isn't just the right thing for everyone who may read it.

Posting in a negative manner is not breaking the forum rules though and the average person will just go to a thread that suits their mood better off their own bat rather than telling people to not post negatively

The problem is one cannot keep people from posting in threads when they shouldn't.

So while I can avoid negative threads, I cannot keep people from dropping emotional baggage on thread me or someone else has started.

Last edited by Stoek on 23 Jan 2013, 1:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

When I say the vast majority of users, I apologize I should say the vast number of potential users, as I've stated I think this site have some pretty strong selective pressures.

I know which thread you are referring to here. I don't recall anyone using the terms "worthless" and you will get an "STD". Like Nessa238 said, it's all about perception. I think the general feedback on that thread was that the person was erroneously equating sleeping around as social success, and were advising the perils of this. It's easy to twist things to sound worse than they are, some people are more sensitive than others and may take the perception you did, but the OP of that thread admitted to being an egomaniac (or similar term) so I don't think his pride or feelings would have been dented in any way!

Yes well I'm sure you're quite capable of notifying the moderators that a thread is in 'the wrong place'

That doesn't entirely answer my question. What solutions do you have to bring to the table?

How is this site harmful to the vast number of potential users? So someone could potentially use this site a few years from now, how is this site harming them?

Without a doubt I agree that many here are not effected as strongly by negativity as are the regular population.

There is no denial of this, however the reality is for a large number of aspies this site is overwhelming.

If you cannot see this, I'm sorry I have no way of explaining this. It's simply a matter of perception that is simply more sensitive, than what is found here, if you lack this sensitivity there really is no way to explain it.