Optimism and Reality: Goldfish21 Response to me

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That's what I do--data entry.

Well, I'm on SSDI. This is SSDI's criteria. https://www.ssa.gov/planners/disability/dqualify5.html

If I am on SSDI then I meet all of their criteria for being on SSDI.

I am on SSDI.

Therefore, I meet all of their criteria.

If an autism spectrum is in their list of medical conditions then I am automatically considered disabled.

If I am on the autism spectrum then I am automatically considered disabled.

An autism spectrum disorder is on their list.

I have an autism spectrum disorder

Therefore, I am disabled.

They consider my disability as interfering with the work I did previously.

They have considered my unable to do any other kind of work and they have factored in my medical condition, age, education, my past work and any transferable skills and they have found that I can't adjust to any other work. If I could have adjusted from SSDI's point of view my claim would have been declined. Since my claim was approved and not declined then by their criteria I can't adjust to any other work.

You said "Put together a basic 1 page resume. That's how people convey their work experience and references. Google results/phone listings will give you a longer list of companies than just those that are advertising jobs available" and you said "Not to sound like an as*hole, but if these extreme basics of preliminary steps required to apply for a job are beyond you then perhaps you are not suitable to be working anywhere. That's only for you & perhaps your doctor(s) to determine."

What work experience and references can I put down that is relevant for construction exactly? According to SSDI's requirements I have none. I have no transferable skills whatsoever from I.T. to construction. If I did, my claim would have been denied. So, this is beyond me then especially when every employer requires years of experience for just about everything.

Now, if you're saying that I'm not suitable to be working anywhere if any and all of these basic steps is beyond me then what does this mean? It means that that everything I've said here and my points I have made here is spot on and this whole positivity, optimism, I only hold myself back, you can do anything you set your mind to, whether you can or can't you're right, personal responsibility, you keep yourself down is pure, unadulterated, absolute, 100% BS. It means, you accede to my points on my OP.

Just because SSDI say you can't do something doesn't mean it's true. It's just what they have determined. My parents were told I would never learn to talk. In fact lots of special need parents get told what their child can't do and what they will never be able to do. my in laws were told the same too about their child, never be out of diapers, never learn to read, never walk. What if parents had listened to the professionals? I think things have changed now because we know more about disabilities in kids and know it's not always permanent. The way the kid is now doesn't mean they will always be that way. People used to think my parents were crazy because they had high expectations of me and high goals for me.

Also people on SSDI still work and they have programs like Ticket to Work. I never understood that program and never used it because why need it if I already have a job?

My parents were told that they should institutionalize me.

But here I am, aggravating the crap out of everybody here

And, I have worked before and I am capable of working. Yes, I am intelligent and consider myself intelligent. I have done a SWOT analysis on myself. If you don't know what a SWOT analysis here it is. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_05.htm It is meant for businesses but one can easily modify it for one's personal use. Looking at my strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats and especially the opportunities and threats I don't see how I can succeed.

I tried my autism center. They say go to voc rehab, briggs associates or autism speaks. These are my opportunities. I've tried voc rehab. Like ladyelaine says, they suck. It's either briggs or associates. Really my opportunities are limited.

My threats are employers themselves and their extremely high and nit-picky standards. First, they want people who already are experienced and hitting the ground running. Second, more then likely I would have to go back to school again. I barely got through it the first time. It was to much for me then especially when one has to re-read the material multiple times to even grasp it and one has difficulties with the lectures themselves and I learn absolutely nothing from the group work. Third, let's say I go back to school and the only way I can do that is take out a school loan. Let's say I do this and I receive zero return or a negative return on my investment which is what I received with my IT degree since I was never able to really figure out what I was supposed to do to get into this industry then what? I still don't get the I.T. industry whatsoever and what the heck I'm supposed to do to succeed in it. I'm back at square one. I'm fortunate that I went to college in a time in my state that had the hope scholarship which meant if I maintained a B average my college tuition was mostly paid for my the state.

And another threat. If I tried to work at Kroger as a bag boy again or work in construction guess what? More then likely, I would be considered what is called over-qualified. To me, it seems once you do rise to a certain level you can't really go back down.

There is truth that one's circumstances is affected by one's decisions. But if one is ignorant about different facets of life and one doesn't realize one is ignorant about these things and the circumstances that surround these things then how can one ask? How can one google it? That is the weakness of google and all of the search engines. You can only look up things you know you don't understand. You can't look up things you don't know you understand since the question wouldn't even formulate in one's mind to type in or ask. This is another threat to me. Unknown- Unknowns or out of context problems. When I went to college and the IT field I had certain assumptions that were not true and/or no longer held up.

And another threat, this whole positivity, can-do, you can do anything you set your mind to nonsense as though one has the god-like powers of Q from Star Trek. This causes others to look at my attitude and how I feel instead of attempting to understand the issues I have and actually helping me to overcome them or work around them and explaining things outright. Instead of trying to motivate me and trying to get me to be more positive instead this is an example of what I wish others would do. Sit down with me with my resume booted up on my computer that I already have and tell me exactly what I need to do to get a sack boy job at Kroger or Publix or get into construction. When I am submitting my resume how should I write it out so I will get a call back or an email back.

And another threat, those f*****g personality tests that ask questions such as if I believe if life is not fair. I looked at the question and thought to myself what the f**k. It doesn't f*****g matter if I believe life is fair or not. Besides, according to what criteria. Does it mean that I think it is unfair because there are pedophile who do get to the top or does it mean do I think life is unfair for me? The parameters behind the question determine what I'm expected to believe or not? Really, things simply are. It doesn't matter what I believe or not believe. It doesn't matter what I f*****g feel.

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 05 Jan 2018, 11:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would never do a "SWOT" analysis on myself. I don't believe most of these sorts of things are useful in any way. They just promote a sense of "paralysis through analysis."

I analyze myself through a reflection upon my past actions.

I have no problem with Mr. Cube being on SSDI. If he's eligible, then he's eligible. But it doesn't mean that he will necessarily need SSDI in the future. People do evolve. And being on benefits is really a pain in the tushey--and the government wants to keep it that way.

SSDI provides a minimal income for people. Unless they have other "unofficial" supports, it really forces people to sacrifice many pleasures. SSI is even worse.

And, remember: people on SSDI contributed to their own benefits while they worked.

I tried calling Briggs and Associates to receive services. No one answered their phone! How f*****g typical!

We've done it the NT's way. We've done it the best we could. When do we start giving a big emphatic NO! When we mentally deteoriate? When we drop dead? When do we quit conforming to the NT's demand and truthfully be ourselves? We can't do it dude. We can't conform to this world whatsoever without negative effects on us. We aspies/auties don't vibe with their world whatsoever. They have demands and needs that we can never meet. And, they can't meet our demands and needs as well whether it is in romantic relationships or business relationships. One member here called it synergistic suck.

This world, the NTs have evolved, is a charnel pit for us to live in. It is not an enviroment fit for habitation for us on the spectrum. We need something, anything that we aspies/auties can call our own. Our own little area, with our own rules and our own standards. Nothing fancy! It could just be RVs hooked up together with grills in our own community on our own land. Others want to create a new autism nation. To me, that's to grandiose and beyond the scope of what we as aspies/auties can do. We can create something in our own countries, have our own little communities, even if it is a group home ran by us where we create our own commerce. Nothing fancy! Nothing special! Not like the whole Asperger Island/Atlantis nonsense that got us nowhere but scorned by those like enclypedia dramatica.

This is what I wish from the NT world.

a. Consider me as an invalid and institutionalize me and/or provide me a living. If I have ASD in front street then I wish others would accept that and don't b***h about my receiving "handouts."

b. Provide me services so that I can become functional and be a productive member of society.

c. Don't just do all of this positivity BS and force it down my throat. It adds nothing and does not help. This whole positivity BS must be a recent fad of the 20th and 21st century. Because in the olden days if you were disabled then you were considered disabled and put away in an institution. Yeah, the institutions sucked but at least it was acknowledged some really could not function in life at all. There was none of this postivity, you can do anything you set your mind to and believe in yourself BS. I would take the institution any day over this BS. To me, services that would teach me to function effectively would be so much better. But, if that can't really be done then I'd rather be considered an invalid and then committed.

~6 years ago I couldn't really work or function in life. I REFUSED to accept that as my reality for the rest of my life. I KNEW that I wasn't always that bad and that something must be causing it. (medically) I met the right people, did my research, tried things, took action, put myself on a completely medicinal diet, did some gross science, did a lot of exercise etc. I also did more conventional things like read books about ASD & about treating depression/anxiety etc. Now, here I am in the present moment more capable of working, doing, playing etc than I ever was.

You're not going to be able to snap your fingers and overcome the neurological ailments that constrain you. It's going to take time and effort And a positive attitude believing that you can indeed improve. I said it before & I'll say it again: You're more than welcome to read over what I've done and pm me about it if you're going to try any/all of it for yourself.

My point is that just because you're incapable of working today doesn't mean you always have to be. But, it's going to take some serious self work to get yourself into the kind of shape you need to be in for a better work/social life. It may take several months to a couple years to be in good enough health to handle going to work. The way I see it, either you decide that the quality of your life is worth working on & put in the daily effort it takes to heal yourself and change for the better no matter how long it takes, Or, you give up and don't bother with trying dietary changes/medicine/reading books/exercise/meditation etc and just say f**k it, this is who I am & my existence for the rest of my life - I accept it, I'm okay with it, I'm not going to moan and complain about it.

I actually took time to read through that thread you've shown me.

First, I'm glad you are functioning better.

Here are my suggestions with your presentation. Second, it could be that what you have done for yourself resolved some of your issues.

Now, here are my suggestions.

a. Did you have an actual diagnosis of Aspergers/Autism before you started your treatments? If yes, then did you go back to receive a second diagnois? If you don't have a diagnois before you started your treatments then how did you know you have aspergers and not something else. You have no baseline to start from.

b. If you don't have a second diagnosis then get one? And notate what improvements you have specifically gained from your first diagnosis to your second.

c. Now, get yourself a sample size of those on the spectrum with differing functioning levels. Establish a baseline of functioning by having them go to their respective autism centers or those who are able to make diagnoses. Do your treatment for a few months to a couple of years or so and get another diagnosis for them.

d. Have another group in which they do traditonal treatments and therapies and establish the baseline before they start. After that do therapies and then do another diagnois.

e. Have a third group in which no treatment is provided. Establish baseline and do another diagnois after months or a couple of years. This is your control group. The others are your experimental group.

Now, the reason I'm suggesting this is to control for the placebo effect, other diagnoises besides autism/aspergers, whether your treatment works or if it is something else outside of it or improvement comes with time and because of this one can think the treatment works when it actually may not. This is called doing a double blind study/test.

Thing is all you're doing is providing us with a small sample space (yourself) and providing it as a testimonial. A lot of the anti-vaxxers do the same thing and present what is called Chelation. What's next, sticking a star crystal up my ass and pumping it in and out and that will help with my executive functioning? Where's the double blind trials at exactly for all of these treatments? I'm not trying to be facetious here. I'm trying to make a point.

Actually, I don't believe I am incapable of working. What I have said is that I am incapable of obtaining a job without support, guidance, intricate instruction and walk me through step by step especially through the preliminaries. Let's say I want to go into IT. I already have my IT degree. Everyone requires years of experience with multi-skills. What do I do on this? Now, let's say I realize IT isn't for me and I do have a resume that shows I did an internship developing a database, worked in computer support at my college, worked at a place that was a lending library for disability folks developing a couple of programs and fixing up some labtops. I'm fired for something that wasn't my fault. Organization shuts down. After that, I try to move on but can't because of the experience problem. Days become weeks and weeks become months and months become years and years become almost a decade.

After a certain period of time, I go to Voc Rehab. I get shitted upon. I went to the autism center. We couldn't afford the services. I try voc rehab recently. I get shitted upon again. Now what? What should I have done? How will your treatments help here?

I tried to do other things like applying to Wal-Mart, Publix, Ingles, Kroger putting these things on my job application to them. No dice! They won't give me the time of day. I call them and all they say is we will call you when we need you. How do I get to work at Kroger? Or, How do I work in construction or Data Entry? What are the relevant things do I need to put on my job application or my resume? Or is those like Kroger, public, etc going to claim I'm over-qualified? How do I win exactly? By, thinking myself a winner? Trying harder? How exactly do I try harder exactly? Not being average as this as*hole says? https://www.youtube.com/user/etthehiphoppreacher/videos How exactly do I follow this man's advice on his various vids? How can all of us in the USA not be average? How can an average not exact and how can we all rise above this average?

I call my autism center again to try them again. They recommend Autism Speaks, Briggs and Associates and Voc rehab. Voc rehab sucks ass. I've tried Briggs and Associates and I will call them again tommorrow if they don't call tonight.

And, there is more s**t that I will tell you all later on.

Maybe you and others here will understand one day and get why I'm saying the things I'm saying, why I'm pissed off and hate personal responsiblity advocates with a passion, why I hate the positivity with a passion. They say nothing. They give nothing but sloganized criticism and they refuse to explain anything. So, how exactly do I f*****g win exactly? How will your treatments help me out in the end even if I need to be detoxified or what not?

I understand your point.

I never ever once claimed to be conducting a medical study. I didn't document things as if I were. I was in survival mode - literally doing what I had to to save my own life & get better. All I have to share is my truth & experiences.

As stated a Brazilian times: I do not have a diagnosis. I did not want one for the stigma of it, even if just self stigma. I also didn't want one as it was one more formal step towards quitting and being on disability. I read a couple Aspie autobiographies + The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Dr Tony Attwood & it describes my life experiences EXACTLY. I know I'm high functioning ASD. I also know that my treatment protocol works & that if I get lazy about it thinking I'm still fine and attend a social function I make ASD mistakes that I regret. But, do what I do and I can keep a much better balance and have a better time of life.

What symptoms improve? ALL of them. Tony Attwood's book, cover to cover, is TEXTBOOK what I was 6 years ago. Now? Minimal negative symptoms and a much better quality of life for it. Sure, I still make mistakes due to ASD symptoms now and then - and they've cost me a lot of money, some embarrassment, some opportunities, etc.. BUT I'm here & in much better shape to make those mistakes and learn from them and move forward than ever before.

I comprehend how medical studies work. I'm just some guy on the internet who has a few dollars from working & saving - I don't have Millions of dollars to conduct a large scale medical study. I'd be more than happy to be involved in creating one if someone else is paying for it. Same goes for myself being under observation. I can use biochemistry to revert back to worse symptoms & show a psychiatrist diagnosable symptoms, then over a few weeks or a month reverse it back to being ultra minimal and only detectable by a trained expert - most people just assume I'm NT & have a few "off" moments here and there. (Which is difficult, as there is no slack for making ASD mistakes when people don't have any clue you're on the spectrum and wouldn't believe it if you told them.)

It really doesn't affect MY life if you or others don't believe me. I'm going to carry on as I have been. I've gone from 242lbs & a 38" waist and over $100K in debt/bankrupt and a complete neurological mental health WRECK to 195lbs ~12-13%bf right now, quite balanced, ASD symptoms minimized, $ in the bank, working, kiteboarding in the Summer, LIVING better than I ever have before - annnnnd looking forward to incredible HUGE goals that I never ever EVER in a million years could have even day dreamed as a remote possibility before. I share my story because I truly do feel it could help others if they let it, but it's up to them if they want to wait 5, 10, 20+ years for the results of a medical study to tell them it's okay to start treating themselves in the ways I do for myself. Personally, if I wanted to improve bad enough I'd be willing to try & do ANYTHING - and I did. If that's within someone else, then they'll be more likely to give things a go and see if they work for them, too. If not & they'd prefer to just stay in the state they're in for decades until there's enough empirical evidence for them to make a decision, well, whatever, that's on them. Honestly, I find it.. weird.. that there's so much opposition on these forums to what I've shared. I would have expected people's response to be more like "Well, shiiiit, what if that could work for me & I could improve my entire life, too? I'm gonna give it a shot! Worst case scenario is it doesn't work & I can go back to what I was doing, or try something else later.' But instead people seem almost afraid to find out if they can in fact treat their ASD symptoms via the methods I've shared. To each their own, though, it's your life(s).

^When I applied for a job that I am overqualified for I leave those bits off of my CV (resume) When I applied for a job as a bar maid I put my previous experience as a bar maid including the job before, but I left off the fact that I had been the bar manager. I got that job and I am sure I wouldn't have if I had told them everything, because they were looking for someone who would just do as they were told. I've done this with other jobs too, it's very usual to do this and not wrong. You don't need to put everything on your CV, only the things that will help you get that particular job. I have an AS (educational qualification) in law, I rarely put that in my CV because I'm usually applying for shop work now.

Now you're at a point where you have new information. That's what. Like you pointed out earlier about Googling - you don't know what you don't know. Now you DO know that someone out there (Me.) has figured out how to treat all of these symptoms & shared it with the world and you've read it. Now you could make the decision to try some/all of it.

How will they help? ASD is largely a social impairment. Getting & keeping jobs is largely a social thing. (plus executive functioning etc.) Treating ASD and improving your ability to just "get" things naturally & intuitively changes EVERYTHING.

Sometimes when someone else makes a terrible social mistake I catch myself sort of rolling my eyes and thinking "wtf?" and it's in those moments that I realize just how well my treatment protocol works for me. My brain fires in such a way that the things that otherwise would have been beyond me now come naturally. They're not forced via practice/counselling/training etc, it's as if I literally turned on the neurological circuits in my body that allow things to fire much more as they should and the results are M I R A C U L O U S. THIS is why I keep sharing it despite others not believing me, too, because I K N O W that it's so incredibly valuable and I want others facing the same life & health issues to experience the same relief and positive changes. (side note: The biggest recent addition to my treatment protocol is a lot of vitamin D + UV light to keep the Summer-me brain functions going.)

IF you do what I've done and it works, it'll change EVERYTHING so dramatically over time & then you'll see exactly how it helps. Instead of being depressed and frustrated, you'll feel good and capable of overcoming challenges. Challenges that are challenges today won't even BE challenges to overcome - you'll just "get" things and all these basics you struggle with right now will become so easily accomplished it's like breathing. You'll still have challenges, as I do, but they'll be different & fewer and far between or self imposed goals to achieve vs. the basics of life kicking you in the nuts at every turn. If what I've done works for you or others, ASD will no longer constrain you from doing things and living your life more fully. In every aspect.

I get where Cubedemon is coming from. People shouldn't make you feel bad for needing help. Most organizations that are supposed to be helpful, aren't.

Goldfish, what works for you may not work for everybody.

Fair, but if people are extremely DIFFICULT to help I can understand why NT's don't want to spend their time & resources helping someone if it seems futile to do so. I'm VERY sure that ASD frustrates the s**t out of others and that's why they'd rather say "f**k it, take my SSDI tax dollars and stop bothering me, because you're too hard for me to help."

What works for me MAY not work for everybody, but each individual won't know unless they Try it for themselves.

Everybody: GF IS NT, that much is clear to me. He had anxiety issues that he "treated" with some new age mumbo jumbo, but he was/is never an autie and or aspie.