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So I posted in the infamous AS partners forum for NT's...

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Who_Am_I
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10 Feb 2015, 6:01 pm

Quote:
Is your problem that you think because it's often said 'he/she will not change, it will not get better' that it's interfering with the 'right' of an AS partner to continue with a damaging relationship? Because that's a 'right' that impedes the fundamental freedom of speech.


For me, the problem is the attitude of "they are doing it deliberately, they have never made any effort in a relationship ever, they are deceitful, manipulative, bad people who tricked us into falling in love with them".
That's a lot different than just saying "AS is permanent and can cause major problems in a relationship".


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kraftiekortie
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10 Feb 2015, 6:04 pm

"Dana" was so over the top!

Makes me wonder if this poster is a troll, just trying to provoke us

Like kids used to try to provoke me (and succeeded) when I went to school, so they could bully me.

I would put him/her on straight IGNORE.



Who_Am_I
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10 Feb 2015, 6:06 pm

dana2090 has been banned.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Feb 2015, 6:12 pm

Dana has challenges, which go beyond autism.

No true NT would act this way. He/she was obviously just a troll, acting like a bunch of kids who want to see the nerd react with frustration, so he/she could laugh at the nerd.

Seven year-old stuff.

Don't pay it any mind.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 10 Feb 2015, 6:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

heavenlyabyss
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10 Feb 2015, 6:12 pm

Davvo7 wrote:
dana2090 wrote:
My MY....
You all just can't stop it can you.
Again... you bring our forum to your dump.

( swear word ) you all.

Stay out of OUR page because you are not learning anything.
And then Juno thinks it's ok to fake a name and write.

This is why we don't like you. You don't let us have our own opinion.
That is a page for us n/t. Of course you don't get it. Read and learn or leave us the heck alone.

You all always write such vile crap. Now you know we advocate LEAVING. Because many of you turn out this way. Hating. Writing hateful crap.

Stay off our n/t page. Leave us alone.
Stop linking US here. If we want to be here we will.

I am a member here and listed as an n/t.
I refer others to this forum is they want to read and understand more about Asperger people. To meet others asp. people. I do it in kind. I am trying to help others.

I logged in because I sent a msg to someone here that is asp. Then I see the AS Partner page commented on again! Leave us alone.

You just hate... sigh.


What a remarkable post! :lol: "Stay out of our pages, but we will come on here if we want!"

I apologise if this sounds harsh as English wouldn't appear to be your first language and maybe something got lost in translation?

That said, what an amazing site that must be where everybody who goes to post on there is 100% blameless, is 100% honest and 100% genuine. 0% have an agenda, 0% have their own mental health or developmental issues and 0% have ever done anything wrong. Truly amazing.

I have no desire whatsoever to venture into YOUR space Madam, so feel free to pay me the same courtesy and leave us horrible Demons to our vile and hateful crap. :twisted:

You have cheered me up no end dana2090. Thank you.


I think I might no what is going on here. These people who are going to this site have husbands or wives that are controlling (for whatever reason). Their husbands or wives don't allow them to express their own feelings or have their own feelings or have their own ideas. So you are essentially "revictimizing" them (unwittingly) by once again, failing to acknowledge their feelings. So they lash out at you as they would like to lash out at their partner.

Just a theory. Perhaps it's best to just leave them alone. Let them figure things out on their own.



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10 Feb 2015, 6:34 pm

Jono wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
But does it alter my assertion that much of what they say is likely to foster hatred against us?

It might, but I don't see that as their intention. It seems more about sharing experiences. One poster did claim that her cancer was caused by stress from her autistic partner. But other posters were quick to argue that we don't cause cancer. So that's good.


By the way, the head moderators of that forum, bstn3 aka dana2090 just scapegoated one of their own members for the pure purpose of harassing me, here on Wrongplanet using the that whole forum. The guy was a new member so she thought he was easy pickings, nice support forum that.


Intriguing......our troll Dana = their moderator bstn3? Has the same attitude to autistic folks, that's for sure. I can see how (s)he would do well over there.

Yes it's good that AS Partners at least stepped back from the brink when they were about to deem us carcinogenic. But judging by what I've read when I've dipped into their stuff, it's very much the exception to their usual opinions.



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10 Feb 2015, 6:37 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Intriguing......our troll Dana = their moderator bstn3?


I think so...same writing style and same attitude.



kraftiekortie
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10 Feb 2015, 6:39 pm

Really....truly...I would just ignore that Site.

It's really....truly...not worth our valuable time.



ToughDiamond
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10 Feb 2015, 7:27 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Really....truly...I would just ignore that Site.

It's really....truly...not worth our valuable time.


You're probably right.



btbnnyr
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10 Feb 2015, 7:49 pm

It seems like as partners is for highly disgruntled spouses to vent about their problems, blame something for their problems, put others down perhaps that makes themselves feel better about themselves. When people make negative generalizations about nts, maybe that is what they are doing too, putting others down to make themselves feel better about themselves. I am not sure though, maybe there are some other reasons.


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olympiadis
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11 Feb 2015, 12:48 am

I thought it might be revealing if I pointed out something that I have observed many times throughout my life while interacting with NTs, - a generalization.

I always feel the pressure from NTs around me to conform to the rules of the hive mind.
I don't think that they realize how their actions are pretty much continuously prodding, nudging, suggesting, demanding, expecting, etc... for conformity.
I don't think that they see themselves as responsible for this in any way as they are "generally" oblivious that they are acting as part of a larger system intelligence, - fish in a school.

Well, what happens is that they would do something to affect some type of control over me, but I would most often resist. When I resisted I would then be accused of being controlling.

It seems as though they recognize my exercise of will as individual control, but do not see the larger systemic control that they were being an agent of. They see one side of a forced conflict, but not the other, and so conclude that it is a one-sided deal that originated with me.

Has anyone else observed this sort of pattern?

Basically, if one has control as an agenda, then someone who dares to resist is seen as out of line or controlling.


AFter observing this pattern I have tried to test the validity of my conclusion many times.
I do that by determining the origin or reasoning behind the need to exercise some will for each person involved.
In my case I do not resist or decide on a stance unless I have a solid logical set of reasoning to support it, and can explain it on the spot. When I ask the NT for similar explanation, I have yet to get anything at all like solid logical reasoning. Usually there is no explanation at all as perhaps it's unknown, or at best some type of vague catch-all statement such as "I feel like it's the right thing to do".
MOST often the driving force behind the NTs' stance seems to be the need to exercise some power over me, usually unnecessarily.

Clearly this is an issue of control for each person involved. To me the main difference is that one intends control over self and the other intends control over another. Of course this situation can become very clouded in a relationship of two people because there is the commonly shared structure of the relationship and each individual views that structure a little differently.



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11 Feb 2015, 4:04 pm

olympiadis wrote:
I thought it might be revealing if I pointed out something that I have observed many times throughout my life while interacting with NTs, - a generalization.

I always feel the pressure from NTs around me to conform to the rules of the hive mind.
I don't think that they realize how their actions are pretty much continuously prodding, nudging, suggesting, demanding, expecting, etc... for conformity.
I don't think that they see themselves as responsible for this in any way as they are "generally" oblivious that they are acting as part of a larger system intelligence, - fish in a school.

Well, what happens is that they would do something to affect some type of control over me, but I would most often resist. When I resisted I would then be accused of being controlling.

It seems as though they recognize my exercise of will as individual control, but do not see the larger systemic control that they were being an agent of. They see one side of a forced conflict, but not the other, and so conclude that it is a one-sided deal that originated with me.

Has anyone else observed this sort of pattern?


YES. Brilliantly said Olympiadis. I've observed this exactly.


Quote:
Basically, if one has control as an agenda, then someone who dares to resist is seen as out of line or controlling.


Right...I wouldn't even use the word "resist" here because simply being oblivious to such an agenda will have the same effect. Say if a person's family or coworkers are exerting covert pressure to get them to do something, and they simply don't notice and therefore don't go along with it. That person will be the one seen as controlling, or difficult.



btbnnyr
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11 Feb 2015, 6:10 pm

Most NTs I know are not so unaware of social conformity and such things.
They all know about it and can talk about eggsplicitly.
They seem to be able to recognize social conformist behaviors going on in others and usually themselves that autistic people may recognize from outside a group.


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Last edited by btbnnyr on 11 Feb 2015, 6:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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11 Feb 2015, 6:12 pm

Most NTs I know are either experts in social conformity or aspiring to be so.



kraftiekortie
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11 Feb 2015, 6:15 pm

I, myself, don't make a grand effort to conform socially (much to my mother's extreme chagrin!)



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11 Feb 2015, 8:42 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
It seems like as partners is for highly disgruntled spouses to vent about their problems, blame something for their problems, put others down perhaps that makes themselves feel better about themselves. When people make negative generalizations about nts, maybe that is what they are doing too, putting others down to make themselves feel better about themselves. I am not sure though, maybe there are some other reasons.

That does seem to be a common human trait, shrugging off responsibility by passing the blame for shared failures onto somebody else. But not everybody does it to extremes, and I've met people who frown on it and try hard not to do it, with a fair bit of success. I grew up in something of a blame culture, and felt I'd learned something important when I noticed how absurd it was and managed to put a brake on it. The world is what it is, and if bits of it bother me, it's mostly up to me to change that, and I won't get far ranting about it.