Cruel(lest) ways you've been rejected?

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I won't say what my worst was...Honestly now that I'm a grown adult I've learned self confidence and don't get hurt easily anymore. But I do want to vent about something. I'm socially inept, which I always found odd cuz I LOVE being social. I want friends, lots of em, all the time. I love relationships not flings, I love parties and crowds and so on. But truth is I have no friends, a few aquaintances and I don't get invited to s**t. I just suck at conversation and people find me boring because of it. I've learned that alcohol improves my ability to speak but not much..I still don't know what to say. I just babble about crap I know. Anyways...tangent. Sorry

What I hate is that instead of people saying hey, "I don't like you because..." They just disappear and when I confront them they say everything is fine, I love you man, I've just been busy. Well F*** Y**! I've heard that one so many times. Even from soldiers I deployed with. I live right next door to a fellow soldier that was in my platoon and he wont give me the time of day. I'm an athletic person, like average guy stuff, I'm a proud person yet humble. I'm honest(super honest) and extremely friendly and tolerant of almost everyone. So I know I'm missing something. A vital piece of social mechanics that I don't get. But I really hate how people just lie...I don't lie. Just say it to my face..."I don't like you" I've had people say they were my friends for years, but spend that entire time avoiding me until I finally wise up and just forget them. But it's a cycle that I go through with everyone. Why can't they just grow a pair and show me some respect and have respect for themselve and just say it.

You sound a lot like me, being everything that's needed and loving socializing, and ignoring what the missing piece is.

The reason people say "we're friends, I love you, I've just been busy" is that it's easier but especially because NOBODY EVER in the history of mankind told them to their face what they should be told: "LIAR!" or "PHONY!" So don't complain about THEM not having a pair, because you (and I, and everyone else in the history of mankind)don't have one either.

I guess I need to learn to intuit when I am speaking to an extroverted Aspie, IRL. Feeling if a person is extroverted is rather easy for me anyway, and maybe the trick is if the Aspie is an INTJ. I can usually feel that in a person so maybe that is a way to tell when I need to turn off my hurt feeling avoidance, and just say whatever comes to mind.

Here is my problem with that which you hate. I am a very touchy/feely guy, and I know how painful hurt feelings can be, and I would rather lie than risk hurting someone's feelings. I just won't do it if there is a way to avoid it. Sometimes there is not a way. But if I know I am talking to an MBTI type INTJ, I will drop the anti hurtful feelings filter. Maybe I should do that with Aspies too? In a way its a relief chatting with INTJs because I don't have to worry about accidentally wounding their feelings.

The most cruel way that I was made to feel rejected happened when I was in Jr. High, in the shower of the boys dressing room, and I have already posted the details on another thread; I forget now what the thread was called. Aspies don't have a corner on feeling rejected.

I remember my "friend" from this year and last year in school would softly reject me all the time. I'd ask to do stuff with her, I even volunteered to play the guitar, piano, and violin for her while she sang. But we'd never do anything. On a few occasions we would go to the mall or the movies, I stayed a couple times for Halloween and birthdays, she'd always have multiple friends there so I felt left out. I don't think she was very interested in me. Maybe she thought I swang the other way or something and was just being nice out of social obligation?

In my senior year I met this guy Chris in my English class. We were very similar in social ways, and just got along really well. He pretty much became my best friend. We moved to Seattle together back in 07. I then came back to Houston, and he came back several months later. We hung out for one day when he returned, and I haven't seen him since. I've talked to him here and there through MySpace, and I made several attempts to hang out, but he never does. I'm not sure what to think about that. We've had some difficult times, no doubt, but nothing I've let get in the way of a great friendship. I can't imagine what his deal is.

Yes, I find the posts here about rejection by parents as the most upsetting. As a parent myself, I find their behaviour totally unfathomable. How can such living sh*ts ever find anyone who wants to have children with them? Maybe somebody should compile the posts all into a book, the idea being that the book could be given as a gift to these scumbags at Xmas!

Don't know why I'm digging these 'golden oldies' up. Maybe a vain hope that airing what I've always kept secret may help let go of them...

My parents were never blatantly neglectful, they just never showed much, if any, interest in me. When I was at university, I was often surprised that other students parents took an interest in their children. I'd assumed the total disinterest shown by mine was normal, as it was all I knew - until then. My parents couldn't ever tell you what subject I was studying - and probably didn't even know what city I was in! Worst was when during the final exams, my housemates and everybody else had "good luck" calls from their parents, and I remember all the cards around the house that other parents had sent. None from mine, though. That led to me more or less ignoring them for 10 years afterwards.

One of the worst in relationships was in my 20's, building a good relationship with a girl, her complimenting me lots, which felt great as this had never happened before. Finally arranging that after a night out with her, we would come back to the house I shared with a male friend (whom she'd never met before ). After a wonderful evening out (and me confidently believing my luck was in, at last!) , though, within half hour of arriving she'd disappeared off with my newly-introduced friend to his bedroom and didn't emerge till 2 days later. Naive fool that I was, I still stayed friends with her for a few years after this, supporting her during her continual relationships with men who abused her, while she rejected me every time. Never again though...

...but surprise, surprise, a year or so later, the same thing happened again, only with a different girl and a different male friend! Can we see a pattern emerging here?

Last edited by ManErg on 17 Sep 2009, 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I was prevy to a form of rejection from my Mother. I know she loves me very deeply and did not realize she was doing these things, so that makes it hard for me to fault her. I was reminded of it when the poster above spoke of soft rejection. As a child, whenever I would tell her about some experience I had on the playground, or whatever, if what I was saying struck her as little too good to be true, or perhaps a little exaggerated, she would just smile back at me and say something like, "Honey. I think you might have imagined that." and then she would change the subject. There is a term for this. You can look it up in google and read all about it. It's called invalidation. Something else that my Mother had a habit of doing sometimes was to ask me my opinion on something, and if she didn't agree with me, she would try to talk me out of it, or ask me how I could think such a thing. I got to where I didn't share my opinions or trust people with my experiences, unless I knew that I knew that the person could be trusted not to wound me with them. On the other hand, I expect I am much more emotionally sensitive than most. My brother and sister don't seem to have been impacted all that much by these experiences.

ManErg,

I can't believe it happened twice! Why the heck is it that humans tend to have their sufferings repeated, beats me...

BTW, it happened to me once that I had a big crush on someone as I hadn't had in years, and I was looking forward to spending a few days with him, but he left with another woman to the romantic south of France. Worst of all was when he came back he was happy to share with me what a wonderful time they'd had. So I can understand your feeling, these things go around, come around, etc.

There are two things that come to mind. The first instance was in 7th grade, a guy flat out told me I was really ugly. I couldn't believe he was be so cruel to me for no apparent reason, he just said I was ugly as if he felt compelled to hurt me. I know I was very awkward (ok dorky) kid growing up but dang. That hurt soooo much.

But the worst of all was when my ex-husband told me he wanted a divorce. I know now that it was for the best because he was very abusive, but I was in a state of shock that he had relentlessly pursued me and guilt-tripped me into marrying him (oh to be so young, naive, and stupid!) and it was only after we'd been married for a few months that he told me he wanted a divorce. I can look back on it now and know that I'm far better off without such a negative hurtful influence on my life, but it hurt like hell at the time. I stupidly kept wondering what I'd done to ruin our marriage when it wasn't my fault at all. The man was a walking nut case.

Not sure how to answer this Greentea though, I'll do my best but, in other people's eyes that's never good enough..Anyways, let's press onwards..Well, in terms of cruel forms of rejection? That would have to go to the time I had made a sincere romantic gesture towards someone whom, I had known many years ago only to be harshly told, that I not only was not her type but, I was not that appealing from a physical standpoint..I'd say more but, I feel that in doing so I'd make others here on WP feel most unplesannt and I'd rather not do such for in terms of honestly, I feel I've been labeled a troll here on WP..