The autism social rule book.

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Never carry too much cash around with you.

I read the first 7 pages or so and wanted to contribute before completing them and thus apologize if any of these were already mentioned. Let me know if so and I will alter them.

1. If an NT says "We need to talk," about any given subject, it is 1) almost always a bad thing, and 2) generally going to be them doing most of the talking.

2. There's really no way to tell for sure (short of asking them) why people are making the facial expressions they are most of the time. Make a best guess for any given facial expression and then try to stop worrying about it (if you're inclined to worry about such things).

3. If you want, write a list of baffling non-literal phrases like "don't sell yourself short" and their intended meanings. Study it when you're bored; it will come surprisingly in handy for social interactions. People will really perk up to these when you use them, think of it as NT jargon.

4. Try to take what NTs say seriously. There is a lot of good general knowledge to be collected, even if they don't sound like they have a clue what they're talking about.

5. If another person rubs you the wrong way, it might be that they're on a different schedule or routine. For instance, I have recurring special problems with those on different sleeping schedules from me, which when you think about it, ends up being quite a few people.

6. Be very careful with calling people stupid (if you have that tendency). This one was just mentioned. It took me forever to realize that if someone is "being stupid" in a given situation that's much different from them being stupid, period.

I just numbered these according to my own enumeration.

Here's one that everyone should know - if an NT makes a certain obscure comment e.g. "well, I suppose we'll just have to wait and see", and you find yourself instinctively asking "What exactly do you mean?" and the NT repeats the same thing virtually verbatim...then there's at least a 90% chance that they are too embarassed, or discomforted, by telling you exactly what they mean (as it usually involves something you don't want to hear, or a rejection). So give them a slight smile and nod (and I emphasise slight) and simply say "I see." THEN you should change the topic (this is one time where it's OK to change the topic w/o appearing weird, as Aspies are known for abrupt transitions).

Then on your own, try to figure out what reasons they might have had for not saying what they meant (since your social processing speed won't be pressured to match that of an NT).

The other <10% btw is for the jerks who will play psychological harassment with you b/c they have picked up on your differences. but you needn't worry about those, b/c you can't take what they said seriously anyways.

Also, one common tool you should have in your repertoire is be wary of the comment "that's interesting..." a lot of the time, it doesn't really mean what it says, especially if there's some hesitation in the person saying it, or their tone lacks enthusiasm (I had trouble with this until about midway through my 20s...but it's fine now; actually, I hear it said less, even better )

If you want someone to do something small but you dont want to impede on them like as small as go somewhere with you, you can say something like: I would like you to but if your too busy its fine." Therefore its showing that you want the person to do this and that but your not trying to impede. Not like you dont care.

I don't know what number this is anymore... I also don't know if this has been said already.


When you have guests over, always offer them food or drink at least twice (Are you sure you don't want any coffee? Water?...etc...), once when they first come in, and once when the conversation lulls.

Don't know what number we're at, but here's one I'm just learning (and I'm almost 33!):

If one of your special interests is a bit (or more than a bit) on the macabre side, even though there is a perfectly reasonable and benign explanation for why it is a special interest, most NTs will misunderstand and be completely freaked out by it, so try not to discuss it at all (unless, of course, you work in a field/are formally studying in a field that is relevant to your special interest-- ie. you're studying criminology or forensics-- and then, try to only discuss it with other students/coworkers, and only in an appropriate setting... so that means no discussing gross things over dinner).

If you are very thin and you believe you are fat and keeping talking about how fat you are. People are going to think you are fishing for compliments. So when they give you advice about Weight Watchers or what foods to eat to lose weight, it's because they want you to shut up about your weight, not them trying to give you helpful advice.

So people with eating disorders, watch out. Luckily I got over bitching about how "fat" I am and I just learned this today at Babycenter.

Don't know if this would be considered a social rule thing but I learned very early on to smile - alot. Most all of the time, in fact.

When I'm deep in thought, apparently my face looks like I'm about to cry. I have no idea why but it does. If I don't notice people around they will sound shocked and ask me urgently "What's wrong?" and tell me I look like I'm about to cry. So when people are around I make a big effort to adjust my face so I either smile or at least look pleasant. I've practiced this in front of a mirror so I know better what a certain expression feels like.

I also have a bit of face blindness so I tend to not recognize people. I learned long ago to just greet everybody very happily and warmly and with a big smile and big hello. Then if they're good friends of mine (that I'm not recognizing) they feel like I've recognized them. If they're strangers, they just think I'm very nice and friendly.

I think early in this thread I complained about most of these rules just generally being "lie about everything and act like someone you're not" and I continue to think that. It seems like our biggest job here is fooling NTs, pretending we know them, pretending we know what they're saying, going along even when we don't get it.

I wish none of that was necessary.

Never say that someone "looks autistic" in front of them.

When you invite someone along, you are implying you be paying for their movie ticket or admission or meal wherever you invite them to. So if you aren't willing to pay for them, tell them up front so they won't assume you are paying for them or else you'd look like a jerk.

---Only complain about things they would complain about, or are already complaining about. If you just start complaining to them about, say, the annoying hammering noise next door and they look like they're not bothered, don't start whinging about it to them. You might get away with just saying, ''that hammering noise coming from next door is really annoying me,'' once, because the NT might agree, but don't keep on and on, otherwise in the end they will just say, ''oh will you stop whinging?! It's only hammering - not a big deal!'' And that will make you feel more annoyed. But you can whinge about it if they are looking annoyed with the hammering too, or if they are already whinging about it to you.

---When people are talking about something serious to eachother in a room (but not to you), if you're sitting there daydreaming, try not to think about anything really funny, otherwise you will laugh, snigger or grin, and even though you wasn't doing it at them, it looks like you are.

Never go on a parenting board and mention how a child/baby was a mistake nor call them that. Do that, you get a flame fest.

When someone is depressed, upset, and venting, do not make jokes about their issues.

Don't talk about age or money

When you are asked to write on someone's form, don't start correcting all their spelling mistakes

Don't ask how much things cost. This is a mistake Aspies and NTs make.

I didn't read the whole thread yet, but I wanted to post this because it is something I have been struggling with lately.

You don't have to truthfully answer every question put to you. If someone asks a question you don't feel comfortable answering (like someone you don't know well asking about your finances) give vague responses, chances are they will take the hint and stop asking. Don't say "I don't want to answer that" or "That's too personal". Even though it may be the truth, it's kinda rude.