Are you capable of empathy?

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If I hear of racist or sexist behaviour, I get angry very fast.

If I hear of someone who abused an animal or small child, I want to beat on them until their dead body stops convulsing.

So yes.

It's not that I lack empathy. If I know what you're feeling, I can empathize; but if you don't tell me what you're feeling, I cannot read you.

I think I feel empathy, but I just may not be so good at outwardly expressing it to others.

I'm like that too mechanicalgirl39-when it comes to hearing about that sort of thing ,even thinking about it years after the fact. Recently my sister underwent a biopsy; the news was good thankfully but before I knew the results I knew that if the news was bad I would feel somewhat detached (as much as I love my sister). It's hard to explain- maybe it's detachment as a defense mechanism, sort of a shutdown.

Totally agree with this. Sometimes though, I can't really empathize with the people closest to me. It's difficult to say why though. I don't know??

Yes, that one has ticked me off ever since I found out about AS.

The most irritating AS comment I've ever read, was written by (shiver) Gillberg. He spent pages discussing our lack of empathy in the same book as he wrote that aspie children are so odd it is a wonder why not more of them are being bullied in school.

Nope.

I'm good with care, sympathy and compassion, however.

This is what I always experience. Various family members and others have had serious illnesses over the years. In some cases I would work hard to ensure they were being taken care of by spending hours researching. I would worry, but definitely couldn't empathise. Such situations made this clear to me.

I was once with someone I knew for many days when they were suffering greatly in hospital. I still couldn't empathise. However, one moment occurred when I wished I could take the burden from them onto myself; it's hard to distinguish whether that was empathy or compassion. I think empathy was involved in that moment because it occurred while they were having a continuous panic attack and tachycardia, and I knew exactly how that felt.

I think indicating the lack of empathy, as a trait of Aspergers, is flawed. My guess is, that aspies are just more realistic with the evaluation of their own capabilities and are more aware when they do and do not feel empathy. Empathy does not equal sympathy. When children start to realize that when they close their eyes other people will still be able to see them, is that empathy?

Many of us have problems with reading faces, but when we know the person we are talking to is feeling sad, and start talking about their situation, we feel the same emotions as anyone. But then expressing those emotions is again troublesome. Many NTs will just fake sympathy, when we would show nothing.

In the tests I did to diagnose my Aspergers, I was confronted with drawn pictures of people in a certain situation. I indicated a few of the possibilities of what might be going on with those people. The fact that I gave possibilities instead of just saying “this is what is going on” makes me an aspie. But what is positive about feeling empathy and be wrong?

When my mother (NT) went on vacation to Vietnam, she was constantly overwhelmed by seeing so much poverty. She bought almost everything people (especially children) were selling. I don't think she was really able to put herself in their position: She was merely thinking about what it would feel like if she lost everything she owned. Sympathy yes, empathy no.

When people are talking about injuries, especially accidents that caused abrasions, my calf muscles start to spasm and sometimes hurt for many minutes. Also scenes in movies/television about heights and vertigo, really get to me, while in real live I hardly suffer from vertigo (It usually is just not logical!) I do think I have empathy.

As a gay man, I've seen so much hate used against me, that I really think that empathy isn't a trait of NTs either.

Last edited by MobyOneK on 03 Jun 2009, 5:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I can feel empathy for people (sometimes), but there's a lot of things I don't empathize with lately, that I really should so people don't think I'm weird, like death, it doesn't upset me, but if people knew that, then damn, I'd get some evil eyes.

I voted "yes". When 9/11 happened in 2001, I felt sad.

When someone in my family gets hurt and everyone else freaks out, I just feel bored. I don't see that as being "not capable" of empathy, because I do sometimes experience empathy.

Strange...
Yeah some say we (or all of us) don't have empathy for others, or can put ourselves in the place of others.*) But NTs can do that, they say. The question only is: Which others??
The ones who are like themselves... but they forget to say that.

I've heard about Gillberg, haven't read anything written by him though.


*) Some even say: "put ourselves in another's shoes", but take care, we may understand it literally and begin walking around in our neighbour's way too big boots without permission - and when he asks what in the world we are doing, we would say: "I empathise with you!!" Or: "Can you see I'm able to put myself in your shoes!"

Probably.


I came across this old article when looking up the topic of empathy.
http://www.seattlepi.com/local/345311_empathy29.html

I don't know.
Many societal social problems, I believe are caused by lack of money, social support and resources; chronic stress or poor working conditions. It's these realities I feel would "tip people over the edge" *metaphorically speaking* and not feel able to cope caring for or relating to an infant.

What if the baby in the article had been less well behaved and had been a "little terror", would the students in the article have felt more empathy towards the infant then?

What about diaper changing and other personal hygiene issues of the baby?

Sometimes it's harder to feel empathy at some times than others!

This is why I believe that empathy is stress related.

I seem to have incredibly poor social perspective taking skills but I can still smile, interact and say "Awww! How sweet." when presented with a cute baby animal or a baby human.

I certainly know that living creatures can experience pain and happiness of one sort or another.


While I don't doubt that asking someone to take care of an animal or creature would help make the person better able to deal with situations like that, I do wonder about the "identifying with feelings" part.

Is it possible for a person to be somewhat alexithymic, but still find babies and animals cute?...I'm confused.


Also, would people object if I developed an empathetic understanding of non-human species such as octopi or tarantulas?

It's certainly possible to interact with and care for these creatures!

Actually, maybe that's just sentimental anthropomorphism, or is it?

Or over-generalised mothering instinct?

I feel more empathy for a person who's experienced a real loss, than I do for typical woman or teenage girl who's crying over a broken fingernail. I feel more empathy for people with disabilities, than I do for the so-called normal people who think that it's okay to say that the things that they consider stupid are "ret*d". I feel more empathy for the odd one with the unusual accent, than I feel for the young white girl without an accent, who's talking a mile a minute on her cell phone. I feel more empathy for the hippie/punk rocker/Mod, than I do for the person who follows mainstream society, just for the sake of fitting in or blending in. A person who loves Christmas might not be able to feel empathy for someone who hates Christmas and vice versa.

I've always felt empathy for Londoners, even more so, since the demise of the original Routemasters.

Truthfully I rarely feel empathy, but I do feel it. If I have been through a similar situation like a outsider in a group, someone talking behind anothers back or someone scared about entering into a new situation, it hits me very intensely like I'm feeling it myself, though I'm not sure how much of that is merely applying my memories to other people as I'm not assuming I always get it right what their feeling.

However, although I empathise rarely I sympathise a lot. You can be very caring and not need empathy for it, thats what people forget sometimes.

There should have been an option of "I don't know" because I still can't grasp the difference between empathy and sympathy.

I'm one of those who feel empathy really really strongly. Only problem is I hardly know how to showit.