The NonVerbal vs. the Unsaid

Post Reply New Topic

i don't know if you're referring to me (i'm not Maggie, i'm exhausted), but no--i'm not appropriate. (edit: not for lack of trying. but somehow, something always seems to go awry )


at any rate--on a more serious note. i do have difficulties with both. (definite difficulties with the unsaid---euphemisms make me completely insane, for one thing.) i also have difficulty with reading body language and facial expressions.

the point is, though: it took me a long time to find this out. i think i tended to believe that whatever i was experiencing was "normal" and reflected the experiences and abilities of others.

(again: even if you don't "measure" into aspie range on that particular criterion--and you may be surprised, actually--at how you do measure---it's just one thing.)

it's 5:00 a.m. quit obsessing and get some sleep.

exhausted, now your username suits me well.

Last edited by Greentea on 07 Aug 2009, 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You can blame it on me. If your neighbors complain, just tell 'em it was all the fault of some crazy American chick..

Mine, too. That's why I don't see her anymore.

Myself, and my daughter suffer with this. She has been in situations where she is telling someone that she is upset, or sick, or discouraged, only to have them not believe her because her facial expression didn't match her words. I have been accused of being unkind or angry when I made a mere observation about someone, with no emotional overtones. Just before I got fired from one job, my boss told me that she couldn't "read" me. I wanted so much to point out that I wasn't a book. (sarcasm)

I wonder why they like so much to read each other when all they read is lies anyway. I saw on the web somewhere that people tend to believe more the nonverbal than the words. Beats me why. It's as easy to lie with either of them, is it not?

It seems so useless and silly, to me. If I say to an NT, "Sorry, I can't meet you at 4 o'clock for tea, I am not feeling well," don't go scrutinizing my face for the possibility of lies! Maybe it's been said many times before, but why the hell can't people just say what they mean, and mean what they say? No wonder I get exhausted when socializing.

Subtext is definitely harder for me than reading emotions from faces and body language. In real life settings I seem to just absorb emotions from body language without even actively trying to interpret. It's something that's innate and subconscious.

Subtext I often miss because I'm more focused on literal meanings or my own "creative" visual interpretation of something that's said. I get confused by slang and idioms all the time because of the weird nonsensical images they bring to mind. I also often have to think way too hard to understand some people. Especially people who do a lot of banter and innuendos.

I think I have greater difficulty with the unsaid.

I'm the 1 vote saying non-verbal only. Wow. So I guess...

I have difficulties with the non-verbal. I can do it on photos very well, not in real life.

I do however learn subtext quickly.

I have difficulties with it at first/with new subtexts, but not because I have difficulties picking up on it.

I can identify people and identify their motives. It's one of my strengths, knowing what people are up to before anybody else takes notice.

I can't parse either. On the eye test, I only saw the ditherring algorithm which was used.

I actually think that lying with body language is very difficult for most people. It is sufficiently difficult than only very experienced poker players can do it.

Or autistic people. If they learnt to display body language and really do so mostly consciously and aware of which muscle to move to look like what... though the timing, degree and whether it's the appropriate non-verbal reaction or not is real hard if someone's body language really isn't automatic.

Yes got the same feeling. But I admit I developed the ability to be able to do small lie at start of adolescence, don't like to use it, but it got it use to get rid of annoying NT who would be even more annoying if you told the truth.

I haven't read the thread - don't have time - but I voted "not blind to either of them", although that may be self-delusion. But I do think I read subtext very well, I can tell what people are thinking, how they're interacting, I just don't participate in it, except on the surface.

If I remove myself from the picture and create a framework where their needs and feelings are accommodated, they like having me around, but of course it's exhausting for me. If I put myself in the picture, and express my thoughts and feelings expecting them to be taken seriously, nobody stays put.

Janissy, I think it's very easy to feign emotions / thoughts in body language, tone of voice and eyes. I know it's very easy for me, and I'm a zero at everything relational, so it must be extremely easy for NTs.

Just take the infamous example of the manager talking to the employee, apologizing for not being able to give him a raise, this sad puppy look and sweet tone of voice, hands on his chest holding his heart, pretending to give a damn in body language and tone of voice, and then laughing behind his back.

Even animals are extremely good at feigning emotions in body language and tone of voice - especially spoilt, manipulative, adorable pets. Not to mention gestures about eternal love that are lies, people who pretend to be angry (in tone and body language) to guilt-trip you, and so much more. Ultimately, if it were hard to feign body language and tone, theater (including amateur and school plays by little kids) wouldn't exist.