Callista wrote:
I was just thinking about something, with the ABA thing... the "abusive" part of it mightn't really truly be any slapping or shocking or whatever that went on; or anyway, mightn't need those things going on to be abusive.
It might be worse, for many kids, to be told "No. Wrong. You're doing it wrong. That's wrong." Over and over again.
When somebody tells me I am doing something wrong, when I've done my best at it, it hurts more than just about anything you could say to me. Sometimes it's necessary, sure; and I don't hate people for doing it. But when I have tried my best, and when it's still no good, it feels like... well, it feels like I'm worthless. I want to do well, very badly. When I'm told I haven't done well, I feel like there is something horribly wrong with me and with the world.
One shouldn't blame a dyslexic person for not reading a word correctly, nor a deaf person for failing to recognize a tune, nor an autistic person for not reciting the correct greeting. And yet... this ABA thing... it is setting the child up for repeated failure. For everything the child learns successfully, he will have been told, "No." "Wrong." repeatedly; and it's even worse when the skill is developmentally unavailable to learn at all, and there isn't even a success at the end of all that failure.
It's not really failing that's so bad. You have to fail a few times before you get something right. It's that the failure is pointed out, made obvious, repeatedly. If a child fails at school, you (ideally) don't ignore it--you get him tutoring and show him how to catch up. You don't just sit him down in front of the problem until he chances on the correct answer. Long before he does, frustration and the repetition of "No!" and "Wrong!" will have caught up with him, and he'll get the idea that he oughtn't to try at all, lest he fail.
Having to hear someone tell you to do something in order to do anything at all could be directly connected to the natural hesitance that anyone feels, after repeatedly having been told "no!" when he takes any sort of initiative, to take initiative in the first place. I realize that for some it's an executive function issue; but for others, I would surmise it is closer to, "If I try anything on my own, I risk being told I'm wrong; so I'd better play it safe and not try at all."
Exactly! I feel it is abusive to sit a child down for hrs a week everyday, and drill into him/her that he/she is wrong. Everything you do, say, and think is wrong. I've felt like this all of my life, and I couldn't imagine having to deal with it on a daily basis with someone confirming that I'm wrong by keeping data on all of my wrongs on a sheet, then discussing it with others.
Also your point about being developmentally ready is a good one. They take very little into account as far as the individuals development goes. I have gone rounds with the teachers at my son's school, because I felt that they were expecting more out of him than he could do. When he was tested a couple months ago his over all developmental age was about that of a 12 month old. Of course, that's considering that his gross motor, and such was almost age appropriate, so that made his score higher. His receptive, and expressive language skills were about at a 3 month old's level. I feel that they shouldn't expect him to perform any task that they wouldn't ask a 12 month old to do, since cognitively that's where he's at.
My son does need to be taught by breaking down things into steps. I have no problem with doing
some discreet trials, for some things. He does need to learn cause, and effect, and how to exchange PECs for things. I think a few minutes at a time through out the day should suffice. I will also admit that he is going to cry, and complain during this time. He does not like being forced to do things. He gets upset because I don't let him sit on top of the TV, or eat dirt, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to just let him. I can't let him grow up without any kind of communication method, either.
13 Aug 2009, 9:33 am
