Things you wish adults knew when you were a child

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I've been thinking of making a series of Youtube videos on this subject for quite some time, starting with the things I originally posted. I feel it would be helpful for parents to realize that aspies don't necessarily react the same ways non-autistic people do, and the proper ways to handle things to avoid causing conflicts. The hard part has been figuring out what to talk about, but this thread has given me some ideas.

I wish they knew I had AS. The closest I got to a diagnosis was when I did intelligence testing when I was 10. They said I was obsessed with detail from the Rorschach Test. Hello? Here's a red flag, but ASDs weren't understood well enough for it to be picked up. Decades later, I get a formal diagnosis at my initiative.

I wish my parents knew that stimming is natural and important to me; that I need to do it.

I had a very idyllic childhood - I did everything my parents wanted and expected, and they provided us with everything we needed. I remember when I was nine my best friend showed interest in dinosaurs and it really took me by surprise - I'd never heard or read anywhere that little girls could like dinosaurs. I did everything by the book, and fortunately for me, in the situation I was in, it worked.

Of course in my teens and twenties things were very different.

I think it would be okay if anyone wanted to add what would've helped them in their teens, too. It seems to me that's when a lot of us kinda fall apart (at least, I know I did), and caregivers really don't know how to handle it. If the suggestions get too long, I may have to separate them into a list for children, and one for teens, and young adults.

I thought of another:

Please don't hassle me endlessly about my eating habits. Assist me in trying to find the most balanced diet possible with my sensory issues, and routine. I don't eat foods that have been touching, or mixed up with other foods. Who really cares if I only eat one food item at a time on my plate? It still gets eaten.

I mix foods sometimes but they are mixable (like tomato sauce and noodles)

but I prefer my food separate and when my husband lumps them all together with the dessart touching the salty foods I get a little sick.

I guess that I could've written that better. I was writing what I would've said to my parents if I could have as a child. Life would have been way, way easier for me if they understood that my weird eating habits weren't the end of the world.

I haven't ever been so picky that I wouldn't have eaten sauce with my noodles, but say if some corn touched the sauce there's no way as a child that I'd have eaten it. I still mostly eat only one food item on my plate at a time, as opposed to most people who jump around sampling various different things while eating a meal. However, I'm much more flexible with things touching on my plate now. I'll let some things touch, but not many.

I recently made a list of things for my son's teacher that I wish my teachers had known. I got so tired of being told not to be a tattletale about things that were CLEARLY wrong, and I stopped and shut down with talking to my teachers altogether.

I made it a point to voice that one of my biggest concerns is that when he comes and tells her something, he is not tattling to get anybody in trouble. She has either made a rule-and he is extremely rule oriented-and wants to let her know that someone is breaking the rule in order to keep the class orderly and routine, or it is overwhelming him in some way and bothering him extremely that rules are being broken and she either has to deal with it, or let him take a break for a few minutes until the problem is resolved.

I also told her, when he tells her that someone is doing something to him, he also could care less whether or not the person gets in trouble the majority of the time, he is attempting to express to her something that is bothering him and she NEEDS to listen to him, or he will drop dramatically in his responses to things like that if she ignores it. He will go back to hitting them, spitting on them, and generally just being very very mean.

I told her when he tells her something she needs to ask questions about what happened, and try to get the information out of him rather than him being in trouble right away. Let him know that his behavior was not appropriate, and try to correct the situation before his behavior has a major downfall in her class.

I told her immediately upon entering her room and seeing where he sits that she is going to have a major problem keeping his attention, and explained that it only takes 2 seconds to walk by and tap on his desk to remind him of what he is supposed to be doing, and use a timer if necessary so he has a constant reminder in front of him that he is on a time limit to get a task done.

...the space she allotted to begin with in describing things for your child was exceptionally small. I could fit my thumb into the area she wanted us to jot the information down in. So she would up getting virtually a notebook full of information from me. I'm looking forward to her actually making the call to sit and discuss all of these things as I asked her specifically to do, and in a week, she still has not called to schedule it.

I basically said another of my concerns is, that because they will not put him into a classroom with a teacher that knows about this stuff, then it is up to her to work with him, and if she is not willing, I need to know now, because a lot of his teachers in the past have not been at all. They always tell me "well, if I have to do special things for one child, I have to do them for all of the kids", to which I respond "read his IEP and tell me that again."

just curious...what's an IEP?

An Individualized Educational Program, mandated by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA).

In the US, the IDEA requires public schools to develop an IEP for every student with a disability who is found to meet the federal and state requirements for special education. The IEP must be designed to provide the child with a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE). The IEP refers both to the educational program to be provided to a child with a disability and to the written document that describes that educational program.

Key considerations in developing an IEP include assessing students in all areas related to the suspected disability(ies), considering access to the general curriculum, considering how the disability affects the student’s learning, developing goals and objectives that make the biggest difference for the student, and ultimately choosing a placement in the least restrictive environment.

Last edited by anxiety25 on 18 Aug 2009, 3:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's funny cause I recently got in contact with some of my old teachers...one of whom I explained about my Autism....and he said, looking in hindsight, it totally made sense...especially as over the past 10 years they've been seeing a lot more Autistic folks coming thru the school system.

From there, I told him about this website, and even offered to be his personal reference, and should he ever have any questions or need advice, to come to me, and I'd gladly offer my perspectives.

He sent me one more reply, but didn't sound like he was really interested in my idea.

Kind of depressing, but what'cha gonna do, y'know?

Yeah, I get the same kind of responses from my kiddo's teachers. All of them act willing to do things when I'm in their presence, and want me to bring information in as much as I can. But the only one who actually pays any attention to any of it is the counselor.

So far, I've... been kinda "meh" about the teachers at the school, and recently found out we apparently scored the lowest in math and reading in... well, at least our area of MO, not sure how it scored state wide, lol. They were offering us the option to transfer our kids to other schools for free.... I never got the note, but a lot of my neighbors did.

Anyway, that's beside the point (gotta love the wandering mind), I absolutely love his counselor at his school. After Zack's diagnosis, and bringing in his IEP, I got to have a special meeting with all of his teachers up to grade 5 (unfortunately, they are no longer the same since the school is trying to... repair their test scores, so some teachers have struck out, lol). Then, he made up a "friends making" group on Zack's behalf, and invited a few other children who seem to have problems doing those things.

He works a lot with Zack, which is awesome. If only his teachers were like that...

In his gifted program, he only goes one day a week-he'd love it if it was every day, lol, as it's a LOT of hands on work in there... they've threatened 2 years in a row to remove him from class for not completing his work (because he spaces out and is overstimulated).

Now, before I get to sounding like just an uppity parent allowing him to get away with not doing classwork, 2 classes are going on at the same time in this room, with no divider. So he's hearing 4 teachers (2 per class) talking all at the same time, all of the kids are working on different things in groups at the same time, and the freakin room has streamers and balloons over it. *I* am overloaded walking into that room.

When I brought this to their attention that there are many many reasons for him losing concentration, and since they have 2 teachers per class... I asked why can't one of them just keep an eye on him and remind him when he starts watching everything else going on around him. She told me that she can't do that or she'd have to do things like that for every kid in her class.... I was very frustrated.

So basically, it seems, the IEP goes ignored for the most part, and the teachers just do whatever they want to make their own lives easier... which is probably why they are failing in areas in testing (not taking time to work extra with the kids that really do NEED it). All the threats to kick him out do is upset him majorly and it turns into an entire evening of him being just depressed all around and not talking to anyone, or crying from the time he gets home to the time he goes to sleep, because he doesn't understand why he is in trouble.

Way to do your job teachers!

Sorry... wow, that kind of turned into a rant didn't it?

Guess all I'm saying, is it's so frustrating when people pretend to be interested in learning about it and all, but when it comes right down to it, they don't really care that much about it unless it is what they primarily deal with. I've got a lot of neighbors that will bring me magazine articles, talking about how interesting it was and all... articles on autism or asperger's, but when I bring them information, they just want nothing to do with it.

I got that alot...Stop tattling.If I was being bullied and told a teacher in elementary school that i was being picked on, I was a tattle tale.After being called that, I stopped telling the teachers anything EVEN WHEN THEY WANTED IT.It was basically, I was telling you I was being bullied and was asking for your help..you brushed me off and called me a tattle tale, so now WHY SHOULD I HELP YOU?Its a two way street.From then on, if I was bullied, I took matters into my own hands.Luckily, I only got in trouble a few times...the rest of times, it was ruled out by the principal to be self defence.I didnt take S(*) from anyone...High school was more difficult tho, due to bullying going from upfront to secretive backstabbing gossip.The whole dont be a tattler backfired on those teachers when they needed information on incidences or whiteboard markers walking away.....Ha ha...a few of em walking markers made their way to my house My parents sometimes wondered how the computer desk in the computer room kept on restocking itself with new markers.

This is why I want my (eventual) kids home-schooled.

They say they'll take a more investive approach to dealing with it, but never really will. Welcome to humanity; not worth my flippin' time.

To quote the great Rorschach yet again, "and the world will look up and shout 'save us', and I will whisper 'no'"


It's funny, but I'm always slightly under the impression that that they're indirectly siding with the bullies. The minute they say "you gotta try expanding your horizons, and learning about their interests", it's their way of saying "the bully is right for picking on you, cause you're different"

It's painful to think about, but I think you all know I'm right.

To quote George W. Bush "you're either for us, or you're against us"

Well, what I've always thought a big part of the problem with bullying is in the first place is all this PC crap. Sure, people don't want to offend anyone, but when it's little kids asking questions-let them ask, unless the person directly says they are uncomfortable, generally they'd rather the kid ask questions than to just stand there and stare at them like they are some kind of mutant.

So from the time we are young, we are told "sssh, don't look at that person, don't talk about that person" etc., rather than being encouraged to learn about people who are different.

This winds up associated as a bad thing to ask people why they are different, and later winds up meaning someone different=bad/weird/easy target essentially.

Just my interpretation.

...and yes, it sure does seem like the kid who is the bully often is sided with. We had problems for the first 2 years of school (still ongoing, just less severe) with Zack being constantly teased and picked on. When he reacted, I would always get the call (because I guess his reaction was generally way more obvious than the whispers to him all day long that got past the teachers) "do you discipline your son at home?" "I think you need to be harder on him." "His behavior is getting worse." Still took me forever to get it out of him what was actually going on and why, but man, that was the most annoying thing ever-to be blamed for him reacting to things around him when they knew darn good and well he has his issues with things-getting overstimulated and such.... and to not even LOOK at the other kids as an option. That was the most frustrating part. According to them it was always something I wasn't doing right. ...and even odder, is that they knew it was out of character for him to behave that way anyway, so why didn't they check?

When I told them he was getting tested, the teacher told me directly (in kindergarten), "No, he has nothing wrong with him. What is going on in his home life that we should know about? Are you in a stable relationship, is there abuse, etc.?" They stopped immediately asking and calling about that crap when they got his diagnosis after he was out of school for 3 weeks for it and came back with an IEP.

He wound up suspended for 3 days once, because a kid-all the way through the lunch line, all the way to the table, all the way down the hall heading to lunch even, kept kicking the backs of Zack's legs. He never said anything, and when he set his tray down, he finally hauled off and punched the kid in the stomach knocking him to the ground.

Now, of course, the other problem is, Zack won't explain what lead up to it... he won't tell what others are doing, and the teachers never asked him what the other kid did that caused it. The question asked over and over was "Why did YOU do that?" ...which to him, he's trying to figure out exactly why he did it, not factoring in what bothered him to the point of doing it. He was trying to figure out the specific reason for his own action at the exact moment, and could only say "I don't know". I got the full story when he got home, got the note saying he was suspended... we went to the toy store the next day, lol. Maybe wasn't the best, but you know what, I'm glad he stuck up for himself finally and that kid never did it again.

Last edited by anxiety25 on 18 Aug 2009, 4:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wow, in my situation at that point, all the other kids would've been jumping on me for taking out one of "theirs".

I even got made fun of several times for defending myself...and no, the teachers were never on my side either.

Again...homeschooling.