Your funniest Asperger's moment

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When I was about 13 I went to the beach with some family friends who had a daughter about my age.This was in the 70's. We were hanging out on the boardwalk trying to look cool because there were some older guys there. One of them asked me if I "got down". I thought this meant dancing and I said yes because I wanted to look cool but I said it vaguely because in fact I have no natural sense of rhythm. Then he asked -Are you a virgin? I was so shocked I leaped back and said Yes! in a loud clear voice. He had to stumble away laughing to tell his friends.

Well then, over 30 years later, allow me to applaud you for your honesty!

Nothin' wrong with being a virgin. I'm impressed with your honesty on something that seems to be a bit of a touchy and pressuring subject for a lot of people....especially guys.

I used to hear the stuff myself on the school blacktop all the time; the funny thing is half the time I wonder if they themselves knew what a virgin, and non-virgin were either. Cause when I said I was a virgin, they'd sometimes think that meant I'd gotten laid..or at least so they claimed.

One thing I can look back and laugh on is the fact that the majority of people who made fun of us were pretty much clueless themselves. And where it gets funnier is that I simply have this to say about it: "ok...we're Autistic, and not social & 'clued in' like you folks...what's your excuse?"

I'm female btw-I think he was coming onto me. Frankly, if I was a guy I probably would still be a virgin.

Ah sorry about that...so why then was he laughing? He just got "de-nied" by a gal; I don't get the laughing part...

He was ridiculing me, a common practice of NT guys toward awkward inexperienced girls.

I was running full speed down the street and ran into a parked SUV. My chiropractor had a tough time adjusting my neck.

Ouch! Do you still have problems with it now?

I was on a dating site in 2006 and I was filling in my profile and I got to the part where is asked me about my appearance and left a few examples so I fill it in describing my whole self and I put in 34D breasts and I get all these PMs from men from all over the world, mostly from the USA. I only wanted men who lived within a few hours from me and one near Spokane was taken. Then in 2007 my mom told me to take out 34D breasts and was telling me I didn't need to put that in there and I told her it asked for me to put in appearance so I did. After I took it out, I got less PMs.

My mom was once talking to one of our neighbors when I was little and I saw her talking to her and I said "Mom why are you talking to her, you said you didn't like her?" The neighbor looks at my mother wide eyes and backs away but my mother apologizes saying she doesn't know where I got that from but the lady still walked away and never spoke to my mother again and excluded her out of neighborhood parties she throw at her home and invite all the neighbors on the block except us. Our other neighbor said "Oh she'll get over it, that's Beth" because it was so typical me to blurt things I hear.
What made me think my mom didn't like her, well I heard her talking to my dad in the kitchen saying "I am not like the L's" and I interpreted it as "I don't like them."

I was in class two weeks ago and we were talking about not to bring things home when we work and I said how my husband finds things in the trash and he brings it home and the teacher goes 'he is not supposed to do that, that is stealing.' I later tell my husband he can't do that and it's wrong and if he never knew about it. He knew but can't stand good things being thrown away and asked me I didn't tell them that did I and I said "I did" and he says "Thanks a lot, now I might lose my job now." He never lost his job so I was very lucky I didn't cost him it.

Lot of times I don't know what to keep to myself when I say things about people. I am not doing it to get them in trouble intentionally.

Woody Allen (In Broadway Danny Rose, I think)


A character: 'They shot him in the eyes'

Woody: 'OMG, is he blind'?

A character: He's dead!

Woody: "Oh of course, the bullets go right through"

Last edited by Blindspot149 on 18 Oct 2009, 4:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

When I was about 9 or 10, my younger brother and I used to play basketball in a children's league at the YMCA where my dad worked as an accountant. The two of us would take the bus downtown after school for practice and then take the bus with our dad to come home. When we were going to the bus stop we had to cross a 6 lane street (3 lanes in either direction). So I was walking side by side with my family until the hand light came on (the one that says to stop) so I stopped in the middde of road and I couldn't figure out why the cars were honking at me. My dad had to come back and pull me out of traffic so I wouldn't be hit. When we were safe he asked me why I stopped walking and all I could answer was "cuz the light told me to..."

now I make a point to keep walking when crossing busy roads and not to loook at the crosswalk light thingy

I have a knack for finding the most inappropriate thing to say and then blurt it out.

Dealing with a client in the office when he asked about the attorney's rates....

"We only ask for your first-born child." I joked. Boss told me later that the client's first born was killed in a JetSki accident on the lake only a year ago.

The other day the boss' mom came by with a friend. On the way out he commented about the carpet curling up, and I nearly blurted out, "Yeah, we really need queer eye for the straight guy to come in and rework the place." Something told me to keep that to myself. After they were gone, the boss gave me some background on the guy and it turns out he was homosexual, so I just barely missed making an ass out of myself again.

At a recent business meeting the 'other person' proceeded to go into a diatribe about his favorite beach.

In order to shut him up and because I didnt like him I gave him a very succinct (even by NT standards) list of the things that I disliked about the place.

It worked

As a kid I took everything literally. I thought it horrible that hot dogs were made from pet dogs.

I still have funny moments due to taking what people say literally. The other day my wife asked me to "put the blanket on". She was sat on the sofa at the time so I draped a blanket around her thinking she must be cold. She laughed and said "No - I meant turn on the electric blanket in the bed so it can be warming up!"

Spouse says "take the plates into the kitchen". So I take the dirty plates off the table and carry them into the kitchen. She then asks me why I've left the dirty cups on the table. "But you didn't ask me to take them!"

I'm not being deliberately obstructive, its just that sometimes I don't infer the "real" meaning of what is being asked. My life is full of such misunderstandings, some funny, some sad.

A number of years ago a former girlfriend asked me if I loved her. Without even thinking about it I responded truthfully and matter of fact "I don't love you but I like you." I didn't expect all the tears that followed! The relationship never recovered from that remark.

Oh that reminds me, I was in home mec when I was 17 and I got told to put the spoon in the sink so I did. Then I got asked by our teacher why didn't I rinse it and the other girl said it was because I was told to put it in the sink, she didn't say anything about rinsing it.


So "Bring the dirty plates into the kitchen" means bring the cups and plates to the kitchen? Okay.

Technically, if someone says "Take the plates into the kitchen", you should remove the cutlery on the plates and scrape all the leftovers onto the tablecloth; otherwise, you're doing more than you were asked to do.

And you wouldn't technically be doing anything wrong if you deposited the scraped plates on the kitchen floor, or indeed ANYWHERE other than the kitchen sink.

But that might be stretching it even for an Aspie